Smut Marathon 2018: Voting Round 1

It’s finally here: the first voting round of the Smut Marathon 2018!

This first ‘virgin’ round of the renewed Smut Marathon is a round where everyone (writers, voters and jury) has to get used to how it is done, or… to get used what I expect of them. Some writers got very nervous when I send emails to remind them of the deadline for the first assignment. However, those mails are not sent to make them anxious in any way, but is a service from my side to let them know the end of the writing round is near.

Now with the voting round, I can imagine that both the public and the jury members are feeling like they’re walking on eggs, wondering if they are doing it ‘right’. Once we do the second round, all this uncertainty will be gone.

The assignment

The first assignment was definitely not an easy one, but it’s part of the concept of the Smut Marathon. It challenges people, not only to write, but also to go for it, even if they feel they can’t. Congratulations to all who have send in their assignments. You are all through to the second round, as no one will be knocked out in this round.

We started with 87 writers, but only 75 sent in their assignments. This didn’t come as a surprise to me, as I sort of ‘got used’ to this during the Dutch marathon.

But enough…

This was the first assignment:

Write an erotic metaphor

Specific requirements:
– only one sentence
– give your word a one-word title
– your metaphor is a maximum of 30 words (excluding title)

Please note that entries are not placed in the order in which they have been received. I use a randomizer to order the entries.

What should you do now?

Read all entries – you have a week to do so – and vote for the three metaphors you find the best. You have to vote for three – no less, no more. Don’t forget to click the ‘Finish Survey’ button when you have made your choice!

Please note:

  • Writers are not allowed to tell anyone which entry they have written!
  • You can only vote once.
  • The voting round closes on 17 February 2018 at 23.00 CET
  • Results of the voting round will be published on this site on 18 February 2018 and then I will announce the author of each metaphor.

One last thing

I know it’s a lot to read and even more to ask, but it would be lovely if you could leave as much feedback as possible on the entries, or to make it more manageable, please leave feedback on the three entries you chose as well as three entries you have not chose. Make sure your feedback is composed in such a way that the writers can learn something from it. This will be highly appreciated.

Enjoy reading and start voting!

~ Marie Rebelle
Source image


1) Ripe

The honey bee knows her sweetest nectar is from the ripest figs, fulsome and sticky, bleeding milk from their stems, their dusky skins nearly splitting in the summer heat.


2) Adorer

He is like the High Priest, called to worship at the temple of her body.


3) Catalogue

She examined and filed away every sight, sound, touch, taste and scent; her mind becoming an ever-expanding catalogue of sensual experiences to be re-experienced at will.


4) Thunder

Fingers glide, skin on skin, beneath my skirt, teasing with the elusive promise of a distant roll of thunder.


5) Heat

His finger traced a triangle of fire from her mons to her nipples, from her nipples to her now burning bush.


6) Quenched

Lust is a fiery blast furnace; vaginal walls a silken vise squeezing erect steel rods, tempering the spermatozoal geysers jetting potential life in the primordial cauldron that is passion’s fury.


7) Balance

David eased the tension on the intricately knotted rope to release her, and Kitten became wet clay in his arms – moldable, open, and soft, as he whispered: “Good girl.”


8) Awe

She was the Milky Way, he a speck of sand in awe of her.


9) Raindrop

Pre-cum glistened on the tip of his cock like a raindrop on a leaf.


10) Shipwreck

My bed a sea, the sweat-soaked sex sheets swell like waves as we tumble interlocked, surfacing only to gasp for breath.


11) Throb

My swollen cock throbs like a fat lip as she draws me to her slick heat, rising to engulf me, our bodies crashing together.


12) Cosmic

He tasted like Jupiter and felt like stars streaking deep across my warm cosmic belly; my heart cast against asteroids, ground to cosmic dust, hot and still like the sun.


13) Red

Pleasure eclipsing her embarrassment she uncovers her eyes, and I stare at her through quivering lashes as I slowly become drunk on the heady Bordeaux flowing from within her.


14) Brink

Held within the eye of the storm, the power of her arousal afforded her a moment’s peace before unleashing the full force of its cataclysm upon her.


15) Underneath

The thin lace rubbed against Nick’s balls, a dirty little whisper that had him half hard but would devastate him if anyone heard.


16) Gorge

Fawad took the scenic route; he wound his way in leisurely fashion through the rolling, jasmine-scented valley of Atosa’s body, and resolutely ignored the gushing stream that ran through it.


17) Libido

Her libido was a ghost ship, it’s crew lost at sea long ago.


18) Feathered

She comes abruptly, arching and crying out, and he thinks of being a boy scattering crowds of birds at the park, envisions the violent, beautiful calamity of their sudden flight.


19) Again

His lips are fluent in the morse code my heart tattoos against my throat: again, again, again…


20) Prey

She was a cobra emerging from its den as she slid out of her dress, and I was her little, petrified mouse.


21) After

Afterwards, she’s still aroused, cunt flexing at the sight of him cupping the soft mollusc of his cock with one hand as he reaches for the wine with the other.


22) Exposed

As I lay exposed and vulnerable, eyes blinded by tight fabric, his breath seared the flesh between my thighs.


23) Titanic

The waves crashed over Rose, washing away the flotsam of her day and capsizing her; she could only cling on, drifting helplessly, nearer her god than him.


24) Predator

Looking back, Leonie wondered why she decided to have sex with a man that was definitely not her type; pursuing her prey had been much more fun than capturing him.


25) Spark

The button between her soft folds turns on the electricity, it snaps across the nerves that span her body until the system overloads and sparks fly.


26) Stripes

The sting of the cane crossed my ass, as the heat of a thousand suns burned into my reddened skin.


27) Melt

I am virginal snow, melting under his warm lips, hot tongue, and the burning sun in his eyes.


28) Scene

Your knee just barely brushing mine and —! darling it’s a lovely theatre the music’s quite delightful but god, the flickering when our knees brush in the stalls: that’s the show.


29) Clara

It was love at first sight, a single glimpse and I was lost, drowning in those gorgeous brown eyes, unable to utter a single coherent word.


30) Firsts

Gavin gave himself up like a lamb to slaughter, praying Lucius would be gentle with his knife.


31) Snakes

The strands of his whip were thrashing snakes; lapping at my body as their sweet venom enchanted my flesh.


32) Passion

The fiery embrace of lovers is a crucible fueled by passionate kisses.


33) Medusa

His look of pleasure morphed into frozen shock when they locked gazes, the pleasure all hers as she snaked her tongue around the rock hard cock of another rolling stone.


34) Desperation

Like two planets colliding in the galaxy, their bodies came together in an explosion of desire; the after affects were a consequence they would deal with in the morning.


35) Beast

That man was an animal, I still have bite marks and bruises, I wonder if I got his number.


36) Metamorphosis

Every thrust of your cock changes me; my orgasm is a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, spreading its wings wide once released to fly with graceful wonder from my soul.


37) Drained

His body filled with her until his flesh could not longer contain and he exploded, pushing everything back into her until he was an empty shell.


38) Tosser

Mary gaped at Come-N-Save’s hothouse cucumbers, still sheathed in thin plastic (seamed for her pleasure): it had been too long since she had a proper salad.


39) Tease

Her hand, idly stroking his cock, was quicksand, softly yielding and affording no purchase, while his own movements sank him deeper into its clutches.


40) Consumed

He was a strawberry that begged to be tasted, and when he met her that night in the dark, she was the raven that devoured him completely.


41) Drowning

It was only when the waves softly caressing my skin started to enclose my heart, penetrating me until I was entirely soaked in him, that I realised I was drowning.


42) Play

Kissing me plugged in my jukebox, electrifying my body, every touch part of a song, but would he select a slow sensual ballad or a raw, thumping anthem?


43) Hallelujah

Her soft sigh as I entered her was the angels choir proclaiming peace on earth and goodwill to all men, the most heavenly sound I’d ever heard.


44) Witness

The three lovers twisted into a knot of flesh, bearing no identifiable shape to the witness in the chair.


45) Sunburn

He stroked her clit with a single finger, and a sunset flamed across her skin, rich reds and deep yellows spreading all over her.


46) Motion

As he was writing his bio, Larry could not decide whether his penis resembled a rumbling locomotive or a fine-tuned engine, both could apply at times.


47) Ice

His touch was ice and her skin answered it with surges of warmth and shock that made her crave more of him.


48) Ablaze

He brought down his hand on her bare backside, and fiery tendrils of lust and shame burned through her body.


49) Dunes

Parting the great golden dunes of his ass, Chad plunged his tongue into Joshua’s hole, slurping greedily at the fragrant oasis after months spent wandering a barren, boyfriendless desert.


50) Desire

His ropes hold her tight and unwaveringly as he whispers his fleshly hunger like prayers, his voice anchors her in the storm that is her life, their love the ocean.


51) Indulgence

The tongue caressing her flesh was melted chocolate bursting forth from the first bite of a perfectly toasted s’more on a crisp summer night.


52) Bedding

She was sumptuous Egyptian cotton sprawled upon the bed, anticipating the tangle of undulating bodies and expecting to be covered in sweat and other fluids.


53) Fluid

My body melts under his touch, he is the flame, I am the wax, I am fluid beneath him, I drip, drip, drip as he burns me with his desire.


54) Adagio

Their passion was a grand pas de deux in which one leapt while the other caught.


55) Panacea

Each lick and slurp emboldened her as if the toxic past were being cleansed now this poisoned woman had found her antidote in the juices of another.


56) Lava

Thoughts of him expelled from her, like slow, hot lava…


57) Ruined

She was the sea, wild and ruthless, without mercy; I was a ship, who set forth on a summer day, innocent to the dangers of the sea: she ruined me.


58) World

His world collapsed down to a single point as his friend clenched down tightly onto him, buried deep as he was.


59) Stars

Her climax hit her like a Super nova, explosive in it’s energy, burning bright and going on and on.


60) Caramel

Being with you reminds me of homemade caramel—deliberate, constant attention, sometimes boiling, and not always perfect— but in the end, when it’s right, we’re sticky and sweet.


61) Ravenous

His hungry gaze ignited my appetite, I was ready to lay myself out for him, a smorgasbord to let myself get devoured, enjoyed find to find pleasure in fulfilling him.


62) Unfurled

He opened the dusty covers of his soul, exposing weather-beaten pages and fading ink; the hidden text of his tentative desires unfurled beneath the light of her receptive gaze.


63) Nirvana

His fingers worked at her warm core so wet and inviting his throbbing cock jerked at the anticipated sensation yet to come he was eager to enter nirvana.


64) Dripping

Her excitement went slowly down her thighs like sweet delectable honey just waiting to be licked as she watched him get his personal wooden dripper ready to dip inside her.


65) Climax

When she cries out in ecstasy, her voice is a familiar song you try to sing along to, even if you don’t know all the words.


66) Energised

Ava had been growing tired of waiting for someone to meet her sexual needs, but with every thrust of his cock this clumsy farmer was charging her batteries.


67) Pearl

He plundered my depths, discovering treasures no one, not even I, had known existed within me, drawing to the surface the most exquisite, precious gem he could claim as his.


68) Run

I prefer the ache of sex that is a long, slow run rather than a sprint.


69) Landscape

His flogger painted her cunt into a sunset, glowing between the mountain-purple shadows of her thighs.


70) Love

Our sex is the perfect meal; an appetizer of foreplay, a filling entrèe, and a delicious dessert combined with a fine wine to make me drunk on your love .


71) Kitten

Her sharp teeth press the trembling flesh of my breast, turning my blood to hot wine that she sucks from my flushed skin.


72) Trimming

Trimming the privet hedges of suburbia had been his life’s work and over the years many woman had been delighted and surprised by his topiary skills.


73) Duet

His fingers exquisitely mastering the chords on her aroused clitoris, his sensual tune rushing her towards the crescendo of orgasms.


74) Touch

From spine to soul, he caressed her naked curves like turning the pages of a first edition uncovering her unread story, each delicate touch making her anticipate the next.


75) Messy

Pleasure unfurls from concertina folds and reforms in branding configurations I cannot prevent or stem.


If you don’t see the voting list, please click here to vote.

54 comments

  1. A few of these were similes rather than metaphors, or weren’t figures of speech at all. This is my inner pedant showing, but I couldn’t in good conscience vote for an entry that didn’t meet the requirements of the assignment.

    My preference with erotic writing is that it be visceral. Drop me into the erotic moment, and convey what the POV character is feeling and experiencing. So, for example, I didn’t vote for #3 (Catalogue). To me it felt too removed. Thinking about sex after the fact rather than experiencing it in the moment.

    Same with #68 (Run). “I prefer…” filtered the erotic experience for me, keeping it at a distance.

    I also have a preference for prose that doesn’t veer too far into the purple. I didn’t vote for #6 (Quenched) because the erect steel rods, spermatozoal geysers, and primordial cauldron were a bit much for me personally.

    A few that I did like! #27 (Melt) was one of my favorites. Direct. Visceral. Exquisite.

    Same with #69 (Landscape). The comparison of her intimate parts to a landscape painting really worked for me.

    My third vote was for my own entry, which was self-evidently the best. 🙂

  2. My general notes:
    1) Great ideas and imagery all round.
    2) Overwriting – place your adjectives where you want the emphasis., not with every noun. Sometimes the simplest word will do.
    3) When going back to very popular erotic tropes think about how to add your ‘unique take’ on it.
    4) There are some words you only really see in erotica, and you read them a lot, so to stop your work being formulaic try to avoid them.
    5) Show: don’t tell. Some of the metaphors were working really well but then an extra bit was tacked on just in case the reader didn’t get it. We did. So don’t.
    6) Think about pace and tempo as well as description. If you describing something fast and furious, you need short, pithy words and sentences to match that ferocity.

    1. Ripe: (7 points) I could smell the figs but the end of this.

    2. Adorer: A high priest is certainly a number one fan of their gods. I wonder if it would have been just as powerful a piece as simply: ‘is’ (not ‘like’), the high priest. Technically the inclusion of ‘like a…’ makes this a simile not a metaphor.

    3. Catalogue: I like this just feel the last ‘re-experienced’ didn’t quite convey the power of catalogues and archives.

    4. Thunder: I wonder if glide and teasing are the right words to use with immanent thunder? Perhaps something more dramatic.

    5. Heat: I just wonder whether a burning bush for nipples is quite working, as ‘bush’ is usually identified with pubic hair…

    6. Quenched: Certainly gets the feeling across. If the rules allow (can’t recall) I wonder if a series of shorter sentences would have got the pace in too.

    7. Balance: Loved the clay – wasn’t quite convinced the title worked.

    8. Awe: The distance is so great between a speck of sand and a galaxy that I wonder if there can ever be a relationship between them – perhaps that is the idea.

    9. Raindrops: Simple and evocative .

    10. Shipwreck: This is nice and effective in what you’re conveying.

    11. Throb: Is this a fat lip from a fight? The balance of the writing is such that the metaphor is almost lost, as the focus is not on the lip or the fight that produced it but on her.

    12. Cosmic: Nice idea, but what is Jupiter meant to taste like?

    13. Red: This made me think of period sex – especially with the idea of shame– is this what you intended?

    14. Brink: Liked this although not sure cataclysm is the right word.

    15. Underneath: (10 points) This is clever and thoughtful; lace is like a whisper in many ways.

    16. Gorge: Ok so I was really liking this until ‘gushing’ – its an overused word in erotica, so think is it needed, what other word might do the trick.

    17. Libido: This makes me sad – it works in bringing the reader in.

    18. Feathered: I liked this but does he have to “envision” it? Can’t he just be it rather than think it?

    19. Again: Repetition was a nice idea. The hammering out the morse code. However there’s too much going on with it being the language of your heart against your throat. Felt more like the drumbeat of your heart. So as morse is often used to communicate over long distances is there something you can work with on that to make the metaphor stand out.

    20. Prey: (4 points) This is a very clever and effective and fun piece.

    21. After: Is the author sure about conjuring an association of fish and sex – unless it’s the aphrodisiac of oysters this is risky. Molluscs are mostly ugly… quick google image search (to see if I had the wrong thing in my head) destroys this metaphor for me. Maybe there’s another way of getting to the idea of a vulnerable soft ball sack that would work for this scene?

    22. Exposed: His breath seared – didn’t see this linked to the first bit… think how this searing happens or how he did it and maybe use that to work through to a metaphor?

    23. Titanic: (6 points) This title holds so much – the ship, huge, the gods…. The metaphor you use implies all of them.

    24. Predator: Dating and fucking are often linked to hunting – so I wonder if more could be made of the process to get a sense of the dissatisfaction – the thrill of the hunt often brings in ideas of Adrenalin, but others stalk and track down prey – so it’s more ‘masterful’.

    25. Spark: I like the button but maybe a switch is more what people associate with electricity.

    26. Stripes: This is well worded.

    27. Melt: This was an effective metaphor.

    28. Scene: This is a complex sentence structure, and I was with you until ‘flickering’ – and to me flickering is so weak, temporary, not quite there, emergent, that it struggles to be a ‘scene’ in in a play.

    29. Clara: Nice ideas, yet not really a metaphor.

    30. Firsts: Nice simple image that works.

    31. Snakes: Nice but not sure enchanted is the right word for this point in the metaphor?

    32. Passion: A little cliched – develop the crucible and why a crucible, it can handle hot temperatures, fire and passion but what else is it about a crucible? Let the developed image crucible describe the fire and passion rather than the adjectives around other ideas (kisses and passion).

    33. Medusa: (9 points) Oh this works well, especially with the implied sound track.

    34. Desperation: I ‘m just not convinced by planets colliding as a good thing.

    35. Beast: But what animal??

    36. Metamorphosis: I enjoyed this, although I’d worry about having an empty soul by now…

    37. Drained: Is the metaphor element of this needed to convey the image, so much work has gone on beforehand that the metaphor is almost redundant. Perhaps switch it around and put the metaphor first.

    38. Tosser: Reminds me of the UK healthy eating campaign – this could be part of our five a day.

    39. Tease: This is a clever metaphor that worked.

    40. Consumed: (5 points) This made me want to look up whether ravens were known for eating at night or had a thing for strawberries… nevertheless nice imagery.

    41. Drowning: This is a lovely idea, but I wonder if you needed the ‘penetrating’.

    42. Play: Like how this followed through, not just that the character was played but that the music was open ended.

    43. Hallelujah: Given this song can be sung in so many ways, and indeed there are many songs of its name, I liked the extra description so we knew what kind of hallelujah you were extolling.

    44. Witness: Nice ideas, but again not really a metaphor.

    45. Sunburn: But does a lone finger create that effect? With the yellow, I think of bruising and BDSM – if that’s what you were heading for I wonder if an implement from impact play might be stronger image than a single finger.

    46. Motion: (3 points) What a modest and self-deprecating writer/character.

    47. Ice: Like the idea, but wasn’t sure how/whether skin ever really responds to ice like that, so it didn’t work as effectively for me.

    48. Ablaze: I like the idea here, but I wasn’t able to properly visualise your metaphor.

    49. Dunes: This is fun and I was expecting from the title the dryness of the desert – I like the surprise of the oasis. However I wonder if more could have been left to the metaphor, it felt spelt out for the reader.

    50. Desire: Was the last bit about love of the ocean needed?

    51. Indulgence: Don’t know much about s’more but I want one now. However is chocolate bursting out right with a tongue caressing skin? They seem quite different.

    52. Bedding: Perhaps just a few too many words here – just tangle of bodies or tangle of sheets…

    53. Fluid: I like the repetition here. Do you need the ‘burns me with desire’ at the end?

    54. Adagio: Music is a popular one for metaphors, but to my knowledge an adagio is the solo for each partner as part of the grande pas de deux so I felt a disconnect. Of course my knowledge is limited on ballet but if I have to work for this metaphor will others?

    55. Panacea: I wonder if a little more precision in how the panacea works and it is might strengthen this? Also commas might help too – but I’m often told I put in too many so perhaps not.

    56. Lava: Great idea yet expelled seems so much more powerful than ‘slow lava’ yet lava is hot and overwhelms the countryside too. However, the choice of words seemed at odds with each other here.

    57. Ruined: I like this – I wonder though what makes you ruined in this sea?

    58. World: Very tight writing.

    59. Stars: I know when a supa nova collapses it becomes a new star and fades from the night sky. But I wasn’t’ sure they went on and on, but if they do I find that kind of sad, pale in comparison with the spectacle of the supa nova.

    60. Caramel: I like this idea, that nothing is perfect even as it’s delicious. But I think the intro to this could have been stronger or rethought to make the metaphor idea more implied rather than told.

    61. Ravenous: The title implies urgency. Perhaps work to up the pace and tempo in the writing to convey that.

    62. Unfurled: Properly enjoyed this until ‘light of her receptive gaze’ – how about just ‘beneath her gaze’ or ‘under her reading glasses’ if you wanted to lighten the mood.

    63. Nirvana: I wonder if the Nirvana in your mind is the same as mine? Or a different one and that’s the brilliance, but as Nirvana holds so much diversity as a concept would heaven have worked as well here?

    64. Dripping: I laughed at the ‘wooden dipper’ such little knobbly things– I know what you meant, and what you alluded to, but I wonder if it was meant to evoke humour too?

    65. Climax: My hand written notes simply had two ticks by it – so it much work.

    66. Engerised: Reminds me of the Duracell batter bunny adverts (long run commercial series in the UK) and all the vibrator hell moments when the battery dies – wonder if re-energised might be a positive on this.

    67. Pearl: Clever but sea themes are so popular in erotica so be careful about how to make yours an original idea .

    68. Run: This made me smile but I wondered if the metaphor could be developed.

    69. Landscape: (8 points) Perfectly painted.

    70. Love: Works well but done need the ‘make me drunk’. We get that already.

    71. Kitten: There’s a lot going on in this piece, from kittens, to trembling flesh, to hot wine etc…

    72. Trimming: (2 points) This amused and conveyed so much.

    73. Duet: Music is such a popular metaphor in erotica.

    74. Touch: If I can anticipate what will happen next, there’s no suspense or mystery, so he becomes predictable and dull as she can anticipate the next move – I’m not sure that is what’s intended.

    75. Messy: I’m sorry I’m just not seeing this. I don’t see how one prevents or stems concertina folds, or how that connects to branding. Perhaps there’s so much mess (play on your title) I’m not meant to see?

    Special mention to Libido, Raindrop, and Stripes… if I had more points to give…

    1. Thank you for your feedback on 47! Ice on skin has always been erotic for me and my partner, but I realize I could have connected it more to erotica specifically. Appreciate the guidance!! 😊

      1. Thank you for your reply 🙂 I agree ice and skin is an erotic combo. Just wasn’t sure about the charges of warmth as a response to ice ?

      1. Hey forbidden writer.
        I supose the professor in me came out here.
        Two ticks means v. good, as I did a quick read through.
        Also I failed to notice a typo. Second half should say ‘so it must work’.

  3. Feathered (#18) depicts a well-written use of metaphor. For those who remember the exhilaration from chasing down a flock of birds or the violent intensity of an explosive orgasm, the implied similarities are immediate and imbue the lines with vivid emotion. What a masterful use of imagery!

  4. Red (#13)…wow. I had to read it twice to pick up all the wonderful nuance (my bad, not the writer’s). It’s all there, the title, the female character’s emotion, the metaphor. What a well-written depiction of such a naughty fetish. I wish I could vote again; you’d have my vote.

  5. Beast (#35) shows promise with a solid metaphorical concept. Resolving punctuation issues (run-on sentences) and highlighting more of the “beastly” lover’s animalistic characteristics (perhaps the physical as well as the effectual) would give this entry more “bite.”

  6. This was really difficult! As evocative as some of the images were, they were similes, not metaphors (watch for the use of “like” and “as” to tell the difference). I particularly loved 1, 14, 41, and 60, all of which were beautifully phrased metaphorical language. (There was angst choosing only three, is what I’m saying.) All of you who are doing this, you’re amazing! These must have been so hard to write – I applaud you!!

  7. I think this was an incredibly tough task. I did do my own version, and no I am not going to share it with you, well not right now anyway. Something I learned from doing the Smut Marathon myself is that writing very short pieces are often way more challenging then longer ones. You have so few words to play with and suddenly you feel like you have so much to say, or maybe that is just me.

    Anyway, the standard here was, as I expected it would be, extremely high and picking the 9 I voted for was quite a challenge. In the end I had a clear 6 that I loved but picking the missing 3 from all that was left was super hard.

    One piece of advice I would give to people is that the moment you use the word ‘like’ or ‘as’ then you have in fact written a simile and not a metaphor!

    Mollyx

  8. I love the metaphors that made me want to read the rest of the story to see what happened next. Some were too over the top for me with flowery language that obscured the intention. There were several where the metaphor seemed forced instead making a natural connection to the action. The subtle ones got my attention the most.

  9. The ones I enjoyed, such as 72, not only hit the metaphor, but also did it in such a subtle and sexy way. That one especially read in the easiest manner, was simple, and caught my writer’s eye

  10. Firs of all I would like to make a compliment to all that erotic writers that put so much effort in this first assignment. An assignment that is extremely difficult and has many pitfalls. Please bear in mind that jury members are also human, and we re sometimes guided by our taste too.

    A metaphor is a figure of speech that describes an object or action in a way that isn’t literally true, but helps explain an idea or make a comparison. A metaphor equates two things not because they actually are the same, but for the sake of comparison or symbolism. Don’t confuse a metaphor with a simile. In a simile the similarity is stated. If you can use the word ‘like’ (she was like the sun), it is more of a simile.

    And then there was this ‘one sentence’ thing. Some of the contestants decided to use a semicolon, which in some cases was just cheating, if you ask me. A semicolon is used to join two or more ideas (parts) in a sentence, that are closely related.

    It was hard to choose the 9 best sentences out of so many contestants. Therefor, the ones using similes or semicolons (to join what should have been two sentences) received one point from me.

    As I strongly believe that part of participating in a marathon like this, is also to learn, here are some of my thoughts as a jury member and my points between brackets:

    1. Ripe (1): If it wasn’t for the context of the assignment, I couldn’t have told that this was a metaphor.
    2. Adorer (1): This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    3. Catalogue (1): Nice. The mind as a catalogue of sexual experiences. The semicolon just ruined it.
    4. Thunder (1): I like the ‘distant roll of thunder’ as a metaphor for an orgasm. I am not a big fan of the structure of your sentence. Placing the clause ‘skin on skin’ later in the sentence, would have made it easier to read.
    5. Heat (1) Two metaphors: triangle of fire and burning bush. You know, I had troubles ‘seeing’ it. Was the triangle burning, or her bush? Or both? It had me thinking too much.
    6. Quenched (1) I see what you did there. Although I liked the metaphor of the vagina as a furnace, it was just a little too graphic. Leave out the word ‘spermatozal’ and it would have been more poetic and it would have made the metaphor stronger. Wrong use of the semicolon, however.
    7. Balance (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    8. Awe (1) Nice way to make him feel tiny. But is it erotic?
    9. Raindrop (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    10. Shipwreck (1) This would have been so much stronger if you would have left out that the bed was a sea. This one is full of potential.
    11. Throb (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    12. Cosmic (1) Nice to see the body as a cosmic space. It had me wonder what Jupiter tastes like, though. Wrong use of the semicolon.
    13. Red (1) I am not sure what the metaphor is, because Bordeaux could actually flow within her …
    14. Brink (2) Nice way of describing that moment just before an orgasm.
    15. Underneath (1) This sentence is a little compressed, if you ask me. Something is missing. Probably a verb between Nick’s balls and ‘a dirty little whisper’. My guess is, that by doing this, you mask that it is actually a simile.
    16. Gorge (1) Nice metaphor, but actually (should have been) two sentences. Wrong use of the semicolon.
    17. Libido (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    18. Feathered (1) I am not sure what to think of this one. It just didn’t convince me, because I have a hard time following the comparison of a boy who chases birds and a man who just let his partner orgasm.
    19. Again (1) You used two metaphors (morse and tattoo), which I would have liked, if they would have had anything to do with each other. If you used ‘punched’ in stead of tattooed, I would have believed it.
    20. Prey (1) This is a simile (two actually), not a metaphor.
    21. After (1) Just not the strongest of metaphors (just one word).
    22. Exposed (1) That must have been some hot breath.
    23. Titanic (1) Nice references to The Titanic. Wrong use of the semicolon, however.
    24. Predator (1) Nice metaphor, too bad for the semicolon.
    25. Spark (1) The comma should have been a point. Two sentences.
    26. Stripes (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    27. Melt (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    28. Scene (1) What’s with the punctuation? You tried too hard to put too many things into one sentence, and the way you tried to join different sentences is technically problematic.
    29. Clara (1) I have great difficulties with the punctuation. This should have been at least three sentences. The metaphor is also quite thin.
    30. Firsts (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    31. Snakes (1) The first part is a simile. The second part is a metaphor, but unfortunately, wrong use of the semicolon.
    32. Passion (1) Nice metaphor, but not very original.
    33. Medusa (1) I like ‘snaked her tongue’, but is it a metaphor?
    34. Desperation (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor, plus wrong use of the semicolon.
    35. Beast (1) These are actually three sentences. The commas should have been points. Also, this is more of a simile.
    36. Metamorphosis (1) Why that first sentence, before the (again, wrongly used semicolon)? Should you have left that part out, I would have loved it.
    37. Drained (1) I just don’t see the metaphor.
    38. Tosser (8) I LOLed.
    39. Tease (1) I can relate to the feeling of quicksand. Nice. But actually a simile.
    40. Consumed (1) Also, more a simile than a metaphor.
    41. Drowning (10) Nice! This is a metaphor. Great work. Not only did you compare his touch with waves, it also made you drown in them.
    42. Play (1) I have great difficulties with the punctuation. This should be at least three sentences.
    43. Hallelujah (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    44. Witness (9) A knot of flesh. Nice. Also a very erotic scene, if you ask me!
    45. Sunburn (1) I can see how her skinned changed colors from excitement.
    46. Motion (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    47. Ice (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    48. Ablaze (6) Tendrils of lust and shame. Nice one!
    49. Dunes (7) I like this one for many reasons. First, homo erotic stories are rare; Second, so is annilingus; Third, you implement the metaphor of dunes and dessert in multiple ways. Great one.
    50. Desire (1) Fleshy hunger’ and the metaphor of the storm don’t go well together. I just wished you had chosen two more compatible metaphors. But OK.
    51. Indulgence (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    52. Bedding (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    53. Fluid (1) I have issues with your punctuation. This should be 3 or 4 sentences at least.
    54. Adagio (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    55. Panacea (5) Poisoned woman and antidote. Well found!
    56. Lava (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    57. Ruined (1) You did use the semicolon correctly, however this is more of a simile than a metaphor.
    58. World (1) Although I like the metaphors you used, I didn’t see the erotic part of it.
    59. Stars (1) Again, a simile, not a metaphor.
    60. Caramel (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    61. Ravenous (1) I have issues with your punctuation. This should be 2 sentences. Your first comma, should be a point.
    62. Unfurled (1) Although you used some nice metaphors, the competition was too strong for you.
    63. Nirvana (1) Where some contestants use too much punctuation, yours is missing, making your sentence hard to read.
    64. Dripping (1) This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    65. Climax (1) Much potential, but the way you executed it, makes it more of a simile than a metaphor.
    66. Energized (1) You missed an opportunity here. If, for instance, it wasn’t a clumsy farmer, but an electrician, I would have totally gotten the metaphor. Now, not so much.
    67. Pearl (3) Plundering doesn’t make you an owner, but that’s just a tiny detail.
    68. Run (1) This is also more of a simile than a metaphor.
    69. Landscape (1) I like the metaphor of a flogger as a paint brush. I just liked other metaphors better.
    70. Love (1) The semicolon should have been a colon. This is a simile, not a metaphor.
    71. Kitten (1) Blood and wine. Not very original.
    72. Trimming (4) You’ve managed to tell a story here, in just one sentence.
    73. Duet (1) Ah, the clit as an instrument. Nice, but not convincing.
    74. Touch (1) Much potential, but executed as a simile, not a metaphor.
    75. Messy (1) Somehow I didn’t quite understand what it was that you were trying to say here.

    1. Thank you for your feedback! Can you please explain how 47 is a simile? I thought that similes needed to have “like” or “as” in them. Is there a way to accidentally write a simile?

      1. I have the same question regarding the first part of 31. I’ve no doubt you’re right, I would just love to know what made it a simile as opposed to a metaphor so I don’t make the same mistake again.
        Thank you so much for your feedback! It is very much appreciated.

        1. “The strands of his whip were thrashing snakes; lapping at my body as their sweet venom enchanted my flesh.”

          Same comment. You could read this as ‘The strands of his whip were LIKE trashing snakes’. I do agree that it is a thin line. See also my other comment in this thread.

      2. “His touch was ice and her skin answered it with surges of warmth and shock that made her crave more of him.”

        True. If you use the words ‘like’ or ‘as’, you know it is a simile. But you should read that ‘rule’ more broadly. The main difference is that with a metaphor something IS something else, and with a simile something is LIKE something else, even if the word ‘like’ or ‘as’ is not in there. Compare ‘she is a rainbow’ and ‘she is a colorful person’. I’d say that the first one is a simile (she is LIKE a rainbow). The second one is a figure of speech.

        1. Thank you!! I will have to do some more research into this because I’m still slightly unclear. Except to say that, yes, apparently you can accidentally write a simile. 😊

  11. Wow! Well done everyone. So many awesome ideas, and wonderfully crafted sentences. I really hope people have voted in force and that every feels proud of their decision to enter.

    The sentence that captured my imagination and made me feel the most was ‘Scene’. It made me feel that tummy flip of recognition. How that one small moment can be everything.

    Another piece that I identified with was ‘Cosmic’. It’s that tummy feeling again, and so beautifully described. I’ve had those so many time that I couldn’t not love this piece.

    ‘Catalogue’ was another one that I found delightful. Who can’t identify with that catalogue of delicious moments we all have filed away to recall at will.

    In terms of pieces that didn’t quite hit my erotic buttons.

    ‘Ripe’ While I love the imagery presented, and the sentence overall, it just didn’t make me picture anything erotic.

    ‘Libido’ This just made me feel sad for the lost libido, again nothing wrong with wording or the intent, it left me feeling a little lost.

    ‘Lava’ I thought the idea of ‘slow, hot lava …’ was great, I really would have loved to read a slightly longer version of this one though. As it is, I just felt like it was a little unfinished.

    Good luck for the next round everyone. I am so excited to see what our next challenge is and to see all your wonderful entries.

    Floss x

  12. I think you are all absolutely amazing and I am so excited to see what your creative minds come up with in the next challenge!

    I found it so hard to choose my favourites, but there was one that stood out to me most and that was ‘Landscape.’ The description was just so beautiful. Simplistic but vivid imagery.

    ‘Unfurled’ really spoke to me, as I am sure it would for a lot of writers and lovers of books. So many perfectly chosen adjectives in this metaphor.

    ‘Drowning’ was another of my favourites because of the last part of the metaphor. It intrigued me. Making me want to read the story surrounding that moment.

    I am going to also leave what I hope is constructive feedback for two others. These aren’t at all my ‘least favourite’ entries, they are just ones I felt I could leave helpful feedback on.

    I love the idea behind ‘Hallelujah’, comparing a soft sigh to an angels choir is beautiful. But, I feel when common words are used in metaphors they have less impact, as you aren’t as likely to try to envisage it. So, ‘Peace on earth and goodwill to all men’ is something most of us have heard before.

    Animalistic men, bite marks and bruises. Three boxes definitely ticked with ‘Beast’. I feel it warrants two seperate sentences though. Or, to fit the prompt, without the final question about his number.

    Good luck to everyone!

    Aurora x

  13. Feathered: now THAT is some creative imagery. Great job.
    Motion and Trimming: wonderful uses of humor! We need more of this playful tone in erotica.
    I’m seeing a lot with “like” which are actually similes, not metaphors.
    Ablaze: I enjoyed how “shame” changes the story.

  14. #38 Tosser was my favorite. The subject matter – cucumbers wrapped in plastic and salad – is an unerotic subject within the story that is made erotic by the observer’s state of mind. This clever wordplay and perspective make it a perfect metaphor. I wish I’d written it! #18 Feathered was another entry I enjoyed because of the un-obviousness of the subject matter. – a climax resembling a flock of birds taking flight. On the other side of the coin, I deliberately didn’t choose any of the more obviously erotic entries dealing with heat and wetness and swollen anything because I think those comparisons are too easy and overplayed. I really prefer these two entries that are much more unusual and clever.

  15. 1. metaphor is lost on me… is the honey bee the metaphor, of so it should be identified in the sentence

    6. vaginal is too literal and not sexual and spermatozal made me roll my eyes

    10. loves this, voted for it – i would prefer if the word sex was eliminated

    11. is a fat lip a good thing?

    17. great!

    19. very good!

    38. this is hilarious, love it!

    53. this is a great image, you got my vote! i would prefer periods to commas in most places.

    56. as soon as i read it, i knew exactly what you meant, could definitely relate. you won my vote! sometimes simple is better.

    72. lol, love this!

  16. Wow, it was very difficult to make a choice between all these entries. As a judge, I think I bear responsibility to read beyond ‘hot or not’ and made my selection in stages. First: wordcount, second: is there a metaphor and if so, was it applicable and coherent with the subject. If the entry met these hard criteria, I looked at originallity, complexity, rhythem of the sentence and last nut not least: was it hot or not. It was a pleasure to read it all. My votes were like this:

    1. Dunes – 10 points:The metaphor is very coherent: dunes, oasis, dessert. I found the subject original and very well described. Straightforward, yet not tacky The hunger of a lonesome traveler, quenching his thirst, was felt by this reader. To me this was a complete story, and a very sexy scene, a coherent strong metaphor and absolutely original in words and subject. Therefore the winner!

    2. Underneath – 9 points: This is something else! The fact I had to think twice before I really grasped why he was afraid to be discovered, this slow realisation, made it very strong for me. It is subtle, reveals tension in different aspects, that whisper….I loved this sentence! Most deservingly the runner up.

    3. Witness – 8 points: In only 19 words you see the whole scene before you. Describing entertwined bodies as a knot of flesh really suited the sentence. And reading outloud reveals a very sound rhythm. Besides all that: a very erotic scene.

    4. Snakes – 7 points: Again in very few words you immediatly get the picture. That is what a good metaphor should do, as it does here. The contrast between the sweetness and the pain, the strings as snake tongues…very good!

    5. Bedding – 6 points: Very coherent, very poetic and very lushious. Well written!

    6. Hallelujah – 5 points: Again very poetic, it drags you along in the loving, warm sensuality.

    7. Tosser – 4 points: Not one erotic word is written, but we all know what is said. That is the magic of a good metaphor! Maybe other entries were much more erotic, but I choose this one because as a metaphor it is very strong and well put. It takes balls to send this in.

    8. Desparation – 3 points: There lies a complete and dramatic story in these carefully chosen 29 words. Well done.

    9. Raindrop – 2 points: A very strong image: I immediately see what is meant, as a vivid picture. It almost reads like a haiku.

    So, this was it. I had to drop a few other really good ones. Here they are:

    #35: Beast: A whole story unfolds, raising a ton of questions at the same time: why doesn’t she know whether she has his number or not? Was she drunk, was she in a gang-bang, what happend? Very strong sentence. The title Beast is very suitable. Yet: as a metaphor it was too simple, therefore it didn’t make it to my selection.

    #33: Medusa: Dramatic, poetic, strong. It was hard to let this one go, but the others were just a touch better. Mostly because I did not understand why he went into frozen shock.

    #1: Ripe: Also here, not a single sexy word and yet we all know what it means. That is art. It lacked a rhythem in the sentence though

    #7: Balance: An intimate scene. Better would haven been ”I” instead of him, to make more impact, make it more intimate.

    #10: Shipwreck: A beautifull alliteration. It is very poetic, so ‘sex sheets’ was a bit of a dissonant to me

    #39: Tease: A good methaphor, however, ”its clutches” really disturbed me. Why not her clutches?

    Chapeau to all writers, it was a real treat to read you all and I am very much lokking orward to the next assignment!

  17. I voted for #9. It is also an American Sentence, a 17-sylabble haiku, and evokes images and scents/tastes of sex. My other choice was #45. The visual created by the use of color is very strong. I did read all the entries several times, but only selected those that are actual metaphors to choose my favorites. The runners-up I liked as well, are #10, #17, #40 and #57.

  18. “Quenched” was too heavy-handed for my tastes. The author needs to scale it back a bit. I felt the same about “Dunes.” I almost voted for “Libido,” but I had to cut one (I was down to four) and the misuse of “it’s” instead of “its” made the decision for me.

    I voted for “Prey” (simple and evocative), “Beast” (the most fun), and “Climax” (Haven’t we all been there?).

  19. Snakes (31): This sentence clearly conjures ‘writhing’ without using the word, and by combining the concepts of ‘snakes’ and ‘venom’ with ‘pleasure’ creates a sensual gestalt. It’s a wonderful, confusingly sexy sensual twist.

    Tease (39): Qicksand–!!! This is gorgeous. Unusual enough to catch the reader’s attention, with _just_ enough detail to create empathy for the experience.

    Consumed (40): Two metaphors, well executed in their juxtaposition. The contrast between inanimate succulence and predatory devourance, along with simply stated time and activity, gives momentum to the scene. It’s a whole story in a sentence.

    General Note: This assignment was to write A metaphor. A metaphor draws comparison through implicity or through animation. One thing *is* another thing. Using “like” for the comparison does not work; “_____ was like _____” is a simile. Metaphors and similes are both forms of analogy, but the structure of comparison is different.

  20. 5,23,63 The metaphor subject felt a little forced into something familiar

    1 this was a purple prose metaphor, but it oozed sexiness

    18, 25, 27, 45 very visual and relatable

    13, 15, made me fist pump, they convey their message so well!

    28, 38 great metaphors but with an additional twist of humor

    12, 65 unfortunately these felt too convoluted, meaning unclear

    39, 41 clever words but if I have to re-read to grasp the meaning, then they don’t quite work

  21. When I get the entries from the writers, I’ve judged them on the number of words and whether you have used one sentence. Some writers technically have used more than one sentence, separating them either by a comma, a semicolon or a hyphen. This is accepted in writing, so I did not send those entries back to be changed. Neither did I send entries back that I have recognized as similes. The judging of that is something I leave to the jury members and the public. Up to Friday I didn’t know whether I would do feedback, as in the Dutch marathon I have never given my opinion on the entries, but since I want the Smut Marathon to be a learning experience, I have decided that my feedback should be here too.

    Writers, it’s never nice to read in feedback that you have not done it right, but please don’t let that put you off from writing. Use the feedback, whether positive or negative to learn from and please remember one thing: you are here, you are participating in this competition and for that you should be PROUD! Thank you all for what you have written, the time you have put into it and I very much look forward to your entries for the second round! <3

    (PS: I have not voted, as that would be unfair because I know who have written the entries.)

    My feedback is as follows:

    1. Ripe: I had to read it a couple of times to let it sink in. It is beautiful, but not erotic.
    2. Adorer: The first part is a simile, the second part a metaphor. However, 'temple of her body' is not original.
    3. Catalogue: Beautiful metaphor!
    4. Thunder: 'elusive promise of a distant roll of thunder' - beautiful!
    5. Heat: There is a metaphor here, but the I don't find words 'burning bush' erotic.
    6. Quenched: The author of this piece has outdone him(her)self, but with a tad too many flowery words.
    7. Balance: 'wet clay' is not original, and it's leaning more to a simile than a metaphor.
    8. Awe: Simple and effective.
    9. Raindrop: A simile, and not original.
    10. Shipwreck: The first part 'My bed a sea' could have been omitted here.
    11. Throb: I cannot seem to see a swollen cock as a fat lip. This is a simile.
    12. Cosmic: This is beautifully written but it's another I had to read more than once to let it sink in.
    13. Red: This calls up a picture in my mind, which, despite her embarrassment, is one I like as it deals with something that many see as 'forbidden'. This is if I read the 'heady Bordeaux flowing from within her' correctly, which I think I did. Well done!
    14. Brink: Beautiful!
    15. Underneath: Oh yes, I like this! Beautiful!
    16. Gorge: I think you could have omitted 'Fawad took the scenic route' and then the metaphor would have been just as effective.
    17. Libido: Sad, but very effective. This is, however, a simile.
    18. Feathered: If you had one more word to use, I would have preferred to see 'and' before 'envisions' but this paints a lovely picture.
    19. Again: Yes!
    20. Prey: I am not a fan of snakes so you almost lost me at cobra, but you do paint a scene here in one sentence. Well done!
    21. After: This evokes a picture of satisfaction. Lovely!
    22. Exposed: Beautiful picture painted with words.
    23. Titanic: The words are lovely, but I have difficulty putting myself over the horrible images of people dying in this disaster, in deep cold water. It has nothing to do with your writing, but everything with my fear for deep dark water.
    24. Predator: The word 'prey' in an erotic sentence is not original, but I do like the last part of your entry.
    25. Spark: This works in all ways imaginable. Read once and I already had the picture in my mind.
    26. Stripes: Definitely a good description of how much a cane hurts.
    27. Melt: Lovely picture in words, but it starts with a simile.
    28. Scene: There's too much happening here, which means you lost me halfway through.
    29. Clara: This is a metaphor, but drowning in eyes is not original.
    30. Firsts: This is a metaphor, but 'lamb to slaughter' is not original.
    31. Snakes: Earlier on I said I am not a fan of snakes, but in this entry it works perfectly to call a picture to mind in a small number of words.
    32. Passion: There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but it didn't mmove me at all.
    33. Medusa: I imagined her on her knees in front of him, his cock in her mouth, she looking up at him as he looked down on her. Like it!
    34. Desperation: A nice metaphor, but instead of the semicolon I would have opted for the word 'and' or would have changed the order of words to make the sentence read as one and not as two.
    35. Beast: I have the feeling that these are three separate sentences put together as one using commas.
    36. Metamorphosis: A lovely metaphor, but I would have left the first part 'Every thrust of your cock changes me' away to make your reader fill in the blanks as to where her orgasm comes from.
    37. Drained: The way you 'reverse' the orgasm here is beautifully done!
    38. Tosser: This made me smile. The part between brackets can be removed.
    39. Tease: Where this makes me think of a lazy Sunday afternoon, I had to read this too many times to understand what you want to say.
    40. Consumed: This paints an erotic picture I like, even though this is not a metaphor.
    41. Drowning: This is beautiful!
    42. Play: I like the idea of this, but think it needs more polishing up to make it really erotic.
    43. Hallelujah: Yes, I love writing like this!
    44. Witness: This is a perfect sentence, but without any erotic feel to it.
    45. Sunburn: The words paints a nice picture but I would have liked a different word than 'spreading' to make the sentence even stronger.
    46. Motion: This is not a metaphor and referring to a penis as a machine makes it so 'mechanical' and not erotic.
    47. Ice: Nothing wrong with the sentence, but it didn't feel erotic to me.
    48. Ablaze: Yes, I like this!
    49. Dunes: Oh gosh, yes! This is SO erotic!
    50. Desire: Beautiful.
    51. Indulgence: Another beautiful sentence.
    52. Bedding: This could be the opening sentence of a sexy story.
    53. Fluid: The idea here is good, but it feels like several sentences has been put together to make one. A different sentence construction might have been better.
    54. Adagio: There's nothing wrong with the sentence but for people who know nothing about ballet/dancing the metaphor might be lost on them.
    55. Panacea: The sentence makes me want to read more, which is good.
    56. Lava: Too short. The idea is good, but I have the feeling this was a bit rushed.
    57. Ruined: I like the idea here.
    58. World: The picture these words brings to mind is hot and sexy!
    59. Stars: The idea here is good, but it's not a metaphor and 'it's' should have been 'its'.
    60. Caramel: Having made caramel myself in the past, I love the metaphor you have used here to describe the hotness between them!
    61. Ravenous: This is another sentence I read over and over and could not decide what is 'wrong' with it.
    62. Unfurled: Beautiful!
    63. Nirvana: Even though this is one sentence, it's more than one put together to look like one. Here punctuation might have made a difference.
    64. Dripping: This is not a metaphor.
    65. Climax: Nice, but not erotic.
    66. Energised: This made me smile, but the scene I see in front of me is not really erotic.
    67. Pearl: This is a beautiful sentence.
    68. Run: I know what you're saying, and yes, I prefer this too, but the sentence is not erotic.
    69. Landscape: Yes!
    70. Love: Beautiful, but more a simile than a metaphor since you can add 'like' just before 'the perfect meal'. A different sentence construction might have turned this into a metaphor.
    71. Kitten: A nice sentence.
    72. Trimming: This made me smile, but I don't find the sentence erotic.
    73. Duet: More should have happened around the comma, as now it's two different sentences separated by a comma.
    74. Touch: This is a simile, and the use of 'un' twice so close together should be avoided.
    75. Messy: I'm lost at what you try to say here, despite me reading it several times.

  22. Three I liked (I only voted for two of them because I liked mine too 🙂
    Balance (7) – The simplicity of this appealed to me. It helped that it spoke to something I recognised, but also that the relevance of the metaphor was concisely spelled out for those who wouldn’t immediately recognise it.
    Feathered (18) – For me, metaphors are most useful when they’re used to describe something which can’t easily be personally experienced by the reader. Orgasms fit that bill, with even those who experience them experiencing them uniquely. This metaphor didn’t reflect any orgasm I’ve ever had but still managed to evoke a vivid image of hers.
    Metamorphosis (36) – Another orgasm, different and more personally recognisable, with the poetry of the metaphor at the end contrasting perfectly with the forthrightness of the thrusting cock at the beginning.

    Three I didn’t vote for (not ones I hated, just three where I think I can explain why I personally chose to pass over them)
    Throb (11) – An entirely personal, subjective, choice: I’m afraid I’m instantly turned off by any comparison of body parts to other, damaged, body parts.
    Stripes (26) – A perfectly good metaphor that just felt a little too hyperbolic when I read it; it’s one that might have worked in context, or if I’d been in a different mood, or if I’d just been caned.
    Snakes (31) – I liked the image of a whip’s tails as snakes, I absolutely loved ‘sweet venom enchanted my flesh’, but I stumbled over ‘lapping’: it felt right for the whip, illustrating how it was being used, but it seemed wrong for the snakes: I just couldn’t picture a snake lapping.

  23. What a great job on round one! There were some pretty fantastic entries. However, and this has very likely been commented on already, many of the entries weren’t actually metaphors, they were similes. Simply removing the “like” would have made them fine. I could have left a comment on nearly every entry, but I’ll try not to go on too much.
    #1 – I don’t get the metaphor here. I mean I get it because I know that’s what it is, and it is damn erotic, but it could just as easily been about a real honey bee.
    #7 – Oh my! This one speaks to me, truly. I was wet clay myself after the Good Girl ending. My issue with it though is that the writer gave us a great metaphor with the wet clay then proceeded to explain it.
    #17 – This is a spot on metaphor, simple and concise. I am interested in learning if her ghost ship has been found, if another crew is bringing it back to life.
    #18 – On first reading this entry I totally got the metaphor of her orgasm likened to the birds frenzied rush to flight. I see it in my mind and it touches me. It really could have been a perfectly beautiful metaphor. As I read it again the second part jumped out and screamed at me, no! It reads like a memory of a child at the park and the child bit needs to go.
    #41 – I can’t tell if the writer meant for it to be a metaphor of falling in love or of losing yourself in something you thought was love. It could easily be either depending on its context in the story. It is beautifully written.
    #46 – When you say something resembles something else that is the same as saying it is like something else, which is a simile rather than a metaphor.
    #62 – I so want to read more of this story, there is such promise here. Multiple metaphors that make sense, that relate to the others and don’t leave us wondering what is going on.

  24. #15 This is brilliant story telling. I want to know more about Nick and why anyone might overhear.
    #50 There seems to be a few too many syllables in here to make it an easy read, but it’s a powerful snapshot all the same. I’d personally remove an adverb to make it flow better.
    #57 Loved this, so evocative in so few words.

    Honourable mention: #72 made me giggle.

  25. I cannot remember specific examples here… But where writers say ‘X was like Y’ I feel this is more simile than metaphor… I need it to be technically accurate to vote for it…

  26. Oh wow! 75 super steamy comparisons. I must applaud all of the writers participating. What a commitment!

    My favorite metaphors here are the ones that do more than one thing: the ones that not only add imagery, but also set up tension or a conflict between the characters. Many of these metaphors deepen the characterization by giving readers an insight particular to these people in these situations. And, of course, the most fitting metaphors demonstrate the narrator’s unique voice.

    #15 “Underneath” and #38 “Tosser” are great examples of all of the above. In “Underneath”, I love that object being compared is a specific sound. In Nick’s voice (via a close 3rd-person POV) we learn that not only is this sound arousing him, his arousal is a guarded secret. The fact that he’d be devastated if anyone heard adds tension and complexity. In “Tosser”, we have a different voice altogether. In one economical sentence, we see a particular woman, Mary, in an awesomely named location, Come-N-Save, as she shops for cucumbers. Words like “sheathed” and “seamed” lyrically amp up the sensuality and expertly balance the tension of the next phrase: “it had been too long since she had a proper salad”. Boom—now we know what Mary wants and where this story is going: a quest for that “salad”. I appreciate the wit in this piece.

    #8 “Awe” delivers with exquisite simplicity. The juxtaposition between a speck of sand and the Milky Way is a beautiful and powerful way to show that he worships her. These are two characters I want to see operate within this set up—her, in vast immensity, and him, a speck. How will this play out? This metaphor plants questions. Questions keep us thinking and reading.

    I admire the prose in #1 “Ripe”. The lyricism fits the topic. So with each phrase, the line itself grows more ripe. First we have adjectives, but they give way to verbs—bleeding and nearly splitting. This is gorgeous.

    I like the way #42 “Play” sets up a question: what is this lover going to be like? The words serve multiple, simultaneous functions. Anticipation is built.

    In #43 “Hallelujah,” the narrator’s voice shows us how overwhelmed with joy he is. What a delightful way to demonstrate that fucking her is a religious experience.

    Bravo, writers! Thanks for sharing your words.

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