Smut Marathon 2018: Voting Round #2

The two weeks that the authors had to work on the second assignment has flown by. Only two weeks ago we announced the results of the first voting round, and here we are, ready for the second! And ready you should be, because the authors have written some lovely stories – hot ones!

The assignment

The first assignment wasn’t easy, but (in my own opinion) the second was a bit easier. Only a bit though…

Where we had 75 writers in the first round, only 62 remains.
Congratulations to all the authors who have sent in their assignments! You rock!

This was the second assignment:

Write a flash fiction story using one of the entries from the first round.

Specific requirements:
– the entry you use should NOT be your own
– the entry you use should NOT be altered
– the number of words does not include that of the entry you choose to use
– your flash fiction story is 100 words plus that of the entry you choose
– give your story a two-word title

Please note that entries are not placed in the order in which they have been received. I use a randomizer to order the entries.

Fun Fact

Anyone who knows me a bit, knows I love statistics. The statistics we can look at here, is which entries from the first round have been used, and how many times:

Used once:

#3 – Catalogue by Paige La Marchand #5 – Heat by Eye
#7 – Balance by Kitt Wolf #12 – Cosmic by Hyacinth Jones
#18 – Feathered by Betty Butch #22 – Exposed by Andy
#26 – Stripes by Livvy Libertine #31 – Snakes by Aurora Glory
#33 – Medusa by Cara Thereon #35 – Beast by Muse
#41 – Drowning by The Other Livvy #45 – Sunburn by Jacqueline Brocker
#46 – Motion by Elliott Henry #51 – Indulgence by B.B. Sanchez
#54 – Adagio by Lascivious Lucy #55 – Panacea by Sally Sparkles
#56 – Lava by F Dot Leonora #57 – Ruined by Jadis
#58 – World by Hikarikitsune02 #62 – Unfurled by Brigit Delaney
#66 – Energised by May More #69. Landscape by Felisha Moon
#71 – Kitten by Morgan Elektra #74 – Touch by Quirky Mischief

Used twice:

#2 – Adorer by Mrs. Robinson #8 – Awe by Stella Kiink
#9 – Raindrop by Strawberry Smutcakes #15 – Underneath by J.V. Speyer
#19 – Again by Val Prozorova #24 – Predator by Julie Jones
#29 – Clara by Alun Norley #38 – Tosser by Su Orwell
#53 – Fluid by Floss #59 – Stars by Pixie Heart

Used three times: #17 – Libido by Nero J. Black

Used 4 times: #48 – Ablaze by Wriggly Kitty

Used 5 times: #44 – Witness by Chase Morgan

Used 6 times: #68 – Run by Helen Scott

This means that 37 metaphors from the first round have not been used for the micro fiction stories of the second round.

What should you do now?

Read all entries – you have a week to do so – and vote for the three stories you find the best. You have to vote for three – no less, no more. Don’t forget to click the ‘Finish Survey’ button when you have made your choice!

Please note:

  • Writers are not allowed to tell anyone which entry they have written!
  • You can only vote once.
  • The voting round closes on 10 March 2018 at 23.00 CET
  • Results of the voting round will be published on this site on 11 March 2018 and then I will announce the author of each story.
  • Only 40 authors will go through to the third round, which means 22 authors will be knocked out of the Smut Marathon at the end of this voting round, depending on the number of votes.

One last thing

I know it’s a lot to read and even more to ask, but it would be lovely if you could leave as much feedback as possible on the entries, or to make it more manageable, please leave feedback on the three entries you chose as well as three entries you have not chosen. Make sure your feedback is composed in such a way that the writers can learn something from it. This will be highly appreciated.
(Feedback can be left in the comments section at the bottom of this post. Comments will only be approved after the voting round has closed.)

Enjoy reading and start voting!

~ Marie Rebelle
Source image


1) Second Wind

He felt something was different with her tonight. The way that she moaned out in pure ecstasy with each thrust and how she was wetter than ever before. Before he could ask what was on her mind, she blurted out “Right there! Don’t stop. I’m Coming!”

That was all the encouragement he needed to keep going. He had started to feel winded, almost ready to slow down, but her words gave him the second wind that he needed. His world collapsed down to a single point as his friend clenched down tightly onto him, buried deep as he was. Feeling her reach her highest point was all he needed to finally reach his climax, as they came together.

Used: #58 – World by Hikarikitsune02


2) Bound Freedom

Carlie has never been here before. She stands in the crowd listening to the hushed whispers, her eyes glued to the woman she envies. She is bound. Naked. Blindfolded. Beautiful. Carlie closes her eyes and imagines what that must be like. The freedom she must feel. Her own body responds to those thoughts, her nipples become hard as diamonds and her core drenched with need. She then watches as he runs his hands over his submissive, whispering to her. Seeing him frown and feeling the disappointment running through her veins, she watched as he brought down his hand on her bare backside and fiery tendrils of lust and shame burned through her body. Hanging her head, she wept. Envious.

Used: #48 – Ablaze by Wriggly Kitty


3) The Surrender

Her sharp teeth press the trembling flesh of my breast, turning my blood to hot wine that she sucks from my flushed skin. My fingers twine into her hair, pressing her closer to me, willing her to drink more. She is drunk on my blood, and I am high on her love. My body twitches with her every sip. I whimper softly as her fingers work their way down my body and finally find my swollen clit. She moves her fingers quickly, and I toss my head back, moaning and gasping in delight. I don’t want to cum yet, but it’s hard for me to hold back.
She is making me hers, and I give myself to her completely.

Used: #71 – Kitten by Morgan Elektra


4) The woman

Disorientating sensations swirled within her and for a moment she tried to pause. She dredged the catalog of recent hurts to mind and looked within it to find something to grab onto; some memory that could be used as warning and encouragement for regaining control of herself. Yet, each lick and slurp emboldened her as if the toxic past were being cleansed now this poisoned woman had found her antidote in the juices of another. Entwined close to one another her wandering tongue lapped between her lover’s thighs and sought to communicate all the meaningfulness of their interaction. Her lover’s body spun. Wetness was writhed all across the ‘poisoned woman’s’ face and she thought of how her lover’s lips would be similarly spoiled.

Used: #55 – Panacea by Sally Sparkles


5) The risk

Greg ran the flogger over leather cuffs and a silky blindfold before whacking his hand. He smiled – it stung!

By chance he’d found Jen’s kindle library. Among the soppy romance were erotic novels and BDSM guides. He couldn’t remember the last time sex had been anything but perfunctory. Her libido was a ghost ship, it’s crew lost at sea long ago, and yet she read this stuff.

Hearing Jen’s car, he slowly descended reaching the door as she emerged.

“Darling, put your bags down, undress and follow me”
“But…” she started. He placed a secure hand on her arm and looked her firmly in the eyes.
Jen flushed and unbuttoned her blouse.

Used: #17 – Libido by Nero J. Black


6) En Pointe

In public, everything was carefully balanced: a carefully choreographed dance of flirtation. Subtle touches as graceful as a port de bras; his hands on her hips, steadying her after a pirouette while only she knew he would have caught no one else so deftly; exchanging amorous whispers and then moving apart with cat-like speed when anyone came close: once in a literal pas de chat. However, this doesn’t mean that things were the same in private. When alone, their passion was a grand pas de deux in which one leapt while the other caught. When they fell into bed together they were a messy, uncoordinated tangle of limbs, and somehow their lack of elegance was freeing.

Used: #54 – Adagio by Lascivious Lucy


7) The Leap

What difference did it make if this went no where? Better to have loved and lost and all that bullshit. I’m tired of fighting myself constantly like a cock in a fight, pecking and lashing out blindly, desperate to ultimately be the last one standing. Alone.

The night started in a pub thousands of miles away from home and ended somewhere much closer. His brandy-colored eyes danced in the brightness of [what I hoped were] my toothsome smiles. He reached for my hand and I didn’t pull away.

It was only when the waves softly caressing my skin started to enclose my heart, penetrating me until I was entirely soaked in him, that I realized I was drowning.

I also realized I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Used: #41 – Drowning by The Other Livvy


8) Her Temple

He is like the High Priest, called to worship at the temple of her body. She becomes the temple by beginning the ritual. She drops her robes and walks nude to be the altar; she lies across the cool marble and spreads her legs wide. The priest begins the litanies descending into her Temple, his face between her thighs, worshipping the goddess. The priestess writhes as his whispered prayers tease her sensitive flesh. When his tongue probes her depths, she feels the goddess’s presence. He laps and sucks his way through his prayers, with her musk as the incense. In ecstasy, her own whisper completes the ritual, “Aphrodite.”

Used: #2 – Adorer by Mrs. Robinson


9) The Keepsake

That man was an animal. I still have bite marks and bruises. I wonder if I got his number?
I leaned back against my apartment door, pulled up my dress, and fingered myself as I remembered him biting my shoulder, pawing my tits, and growling while he fucked me.
I had to post my free hand against the wall to stay upright as I came for the second time tonight. I noticed that I was going to need a manicure soon.
I noticed the pointed ears and fangs once I was in the bathroom.
I didn’t get his number. I got a different keepsake. That man was an animal, and now so was I.

Used: #35 – Beast by Muse


10) Pretty Boy

God, he’s good at this. Better than a semi-pro rugby player has any reason to be, anyhow. The thrust of his thigh masks his maleness. The twist of his torso hints at hips. The curves of his jock-juicy chest heave against his favorite lacy black brassiere. His shoulders shy away under a synthetic swirl of curls; cheap, befitting “Natasha’s” concocted character. I’d never considered, could scarcely conceptualize, fucking anything feminine until he brought her—unbidden, unbridled—into our bedroom. Astride me that first night, she was the sea, wild and ruthless, without mercy. I was a ship, who set forth on a summer day, innocent to the dangers of the sea. She ruined me; I’m drifting away from Derek, who gasps in delight as I sink deep into her.

Used: #57 – Ruined by Jadis


11) First Time

I arrive on time, undress, and lay down on the table as they had directed.

“I’ve not done this before.”

“Don’t worry you’ll be fine, just relax and enjoy the experience.”

As I lay exposed and vulnerable, eyes blinded by tight fabric, his breath seared the flesh between my thighs. My cock swelled from the sensation and he began to massage my balls, a finger tracing the underside of my shaft. My body clenched as he squeezed my cock, expertly jerking the glans of my penis. Unfamiliar pleasures burst deep within me.

I felt another presence near, a different voice saying, “Turn your head, give me your mouth.”

Sensing a soft member pressing against my lips, I eagerly accepted.

Used: #22 – Exposed by Andy


12) Siren’s Call

He lightly fingered the tresses of her dark hair, knowing his work would be hard, knowing he was up for the challenge. Her libido was a ghost ship, its crew lost at sea long ago. Fortunately, he was a master treasure hunter, skilled in the art of recovering fine artifacts. Her pupils dilated at the feather-light caress of skin touching skin and he knew he had her. Another deft stroke caused her breath to hitch on parted lips and he couldn’t stop the smile that tilted his. Together, they would follow the Siren’s call.

Used: #17 – Libido by Nero J. Black


13) The End

The man entered the booth, closed the dusty curtain, and sunk into the stained, velvet chair. He pressed the button beneath the viewing window, which opened to a naked bulb spilling light, dusty and low, over the figures of two men writhing like eels against a young woman whose skin was bruised from over use. Her hollow, shameless eyes followed their undulating shadows.

The three lovers twisted into a knot of flesh, bearing no identifiable shape to the witness in the chair.

The man’s tears flowed silently as he took the gold band from his finger and placed it beside the box of unused tissues.

As he exited, the curtain waved a somber goodbye.

Used: #44 – Witness by Chase Morgan


14) First Bull

“You’re sure?” Sarah searched Nick’s face. “There’s no undoing this.”
“Please.” Eyes cast down, he begged his wife. After years of discussion his fantasy was finally within reach.
“You’re pathetic.” Sarah palmed Nick her panties. “You fucking wear them.”

He’d been scanning the room since that moment, trying to figure out who was missing from his company party. The thin lace rubbed against Nick’s balls, a dirty little whisper that had him half hard but would devastate him if anyone heard. But someone did hear. They heard Sarah’s invitation to Nick’s office. They heard her plead for a bigger, better, cock. They heard her come while pumping her pussy full of seed. They heard her say, “Your boss, Nick, will clean me up.”

Used: #15 – Underneath by J.V. Speyer


15) No Shame

His hand caressed her exposed flesh. He brought down his hand on her bare backside, and fiery tendrils of lust and shame burned through her body.
“Bad girl,” he snarled. Another strike fanned the flames licking her skin.
The phrase echoed the rhythm of the pain and pleasure.
She was a bad girl. For what she’d done, and for liking the punishment.
A third blow created a fire that burned the shame away, leaving only lust. She moaned so he would know her impassioned state.
“I am a bad girl. I deserve to be punished.”
The sound of steady blows echoed off the walls. The face in the dark remained silent.

Used: #48 – Ablaze by Wriggly Kitty


16) Slow Run

My friends say i have no patience! I complain while waiting in line and do not suffer fools. However when it comes to fucking I prefer the ache of sex that is a long, slow run rather than a sprint.

He often starts by holding my gaze, our bodies barely touching and still fully clothed. Takes one finger, traces it firmly down my cheek and drags it roughly across my lower lip. I struggle to suppress my sexy smile as he pushes it into my mouth.

With his hardening cock straining against me, he pulls me to him and whispers hoarsely : ‘You’re MY slut’.

I breathe him in deeply, body trembling. The slow run has begun.

Used: #68 – Run by Helen Scott


17) Good Neighbours

Crossing the conservatory roof from my bedroom to the neighbour’s open window, I climb through. Removing her nightshirt Julia kneels and unzips me. Her tongue greets the tip of my cock as she licks my swollen knob – skillfully. Sighing, I look down at long red hair and freckled shoulders…

…Andy reaches for my head. I prefer the ache of sex that is a long, slow run rather than a sprint, but my prudish parents are just downstairs.
“Do it now.”
Grabbing a handful of hair he face-fucks me. Hard. Tears stain my cheeks. Heart pounding, I struggle not to choke. He peaks, stifles a moan, and cum trickles down my chin – dripping onto my breasts.

Used: #68 – Run by Helen Scott


18) Love Unrestrained

“So beautiful.” David stroked her cheek, her throat, the hard nub of her nipple. And she was.

Kitten felt it in the arch of her body as the rope around her ankle pulled against her bound wrists. The fall of her hair brushing the floor. The thrum of need between her spread thighs.

She’d doubted David, but trusted him. Given herself despite fearing the unknown and found tranquility. And desire. And freedom. The freedom of the ropes taking the weight so she could just be.

Suspended. Free.

David eased the tension on the intricately knotted rope to release her, and Kitten became wet clay in his arms – moldable, open and soft, as he whispered “Good girl.”

And she was. He’d brought her here, and now she was his.

Used: #7 – Balance by Kitt Wolf


19) Opening Act

He stroked her clit with a single finger, and a sunset flamed across her skin, rich reds and deep yellows spreading all over her. Clenching her jaw shut, she did her best to remain still and still. Sensing her attempt at concealment, his finger relocated, sliding through her soaked lips and searched for her core pleasure. His digit did its duty, and her resolve melted. A slow and steady groan escaped her mouth as hot air passed through her lips. Her eyes open and catch his in the cinema’s dim light. At that moment, the door creaks.

Used: #45 – Sunburn by Jacqueline Brocker


20) The Epiphany

The night air was cool as she pulled him by the hand from the throbbing nightclub and into the dim alley, her back immediately against the wall, his hand under her skirt, sinking into her silky wetness. It was always this way with them; too much whisky, never enough time. She pushed him to his knees and he looked up and saw her, silhouetted beneath the starry midnight sky, hands twisting in his hair, pulling his face to her succulent cunt. She was the Milky Way, he a speck of sand in awe of her. He realized in that moment that he didn’t just want this disposable lust. He wanted so much more.

Used: #8 – Awe by Stella Kiink


21) First Submission

He left the beaten path and I thought, nature calls. Curiosity brought me back. In dappled glade, found fair-haired satyr, clenched fist pumping. Pussy purred. Peeping from my blind, moaned in heat, unbuttoning khaki shorts suddenly damp. Stern eyes penetrated my camouflage. Crooking his finger, I slunk closer and knelt, mouth salivating. “That’s not how a naughty girl atones,” his belt hissing through loops. “Is it?” Pulled taut, the supple leather made a loud ‘snap’. “No, sir.” Pre-cum glistened on the tip of his cock like a raindrop on a leaf. I lapped sweetness. Spinning, breathing loamy duff was primal; willingly presenting my bare, arched bottom was shattering. Searing lashes. Aching to be mounted.

Used: #9 – Raindrop by Strawberry Smutcakes


22) Starry Skies

He breathed deeply as he stared into her perfect eyes, glistening like the stars above them. She was the Milky Way, he a speck of sand in awe of her.

“That was amazing,” she said, her voice harried and coarse. Vaginal secretions trailed down his lips; his tongue shot out to grab one. He grinned at her lustful rapture.

“I’m not done,” he said, diving back down to her core. She was his star, and he was going to worship her in any way he could.

Used: #8 – Awe by Stella Kiink


23) Card Catalogue

She loved the library. She walked in and breathed in deeply. Just like the books shelved and organized, she catalogued her lovers in her mind. She examined and filed away every sight, sound, touch, taste and scent; her mind becoming an ever-expanding catalogue of sensual experiences to be re-experienced at will.
She glimpsed him in their usual meeting spot, behind the card catalogue drawers that no one used anymore. She smiled as his entry sprang to her mind. Jacob, likes to finger me in a dark corner of the library.”

Used: #3 – Catalogue by Paige La Marchand


24) Little pyromaniac

‘Stop it.’

The restaurant is fancy and my behaviour is inappropriate, but I can’t help myself. I poke at the candle, watch as molten lava flows down its sides.

‘Little pyromaniac,’ he growls. ‘What did I tell you?’

I like to play with fire.

I break off bits that are newly solid, let the orange heat lick at them until they are liquid once again.

Suddenly, my game backfires. The candle splutters, dies.

‘Right,’ he says, ‘come with me.’

Outside, around a corner, we find ourselves hidden in the shadows. His lips meet mine. His hand closes around my throat.

My body melts under his touch. He is the flame, I am the wax, I am fluid beneath him, I drip, drip, drip as he burns me with his desire.

Used: #53 – Fluid by Floss


25) Of Hunger

“Down.”

I folded to my knees before him. He yanked me over the cushioned bench, to force me to feel his strength. I squeezed my eyes shut when I saw him reach for the flogger. The strands of his whip were thrashing snakes; lapping at my body as their sweet venom enchanted my flesh. I disintegrated into burning desire; I felt formless, skinless, flayed open. The flogger was hungry for everything I had to offer it. I knew myself only in relation to its appetite.

He whipped me to frenzy, to unbearable wetness, until I cried, “Fuck me, fuck me—I’m burning, fuck me!”

Now I had become the hungry one.

Used: #31 – Snakes by Aurora Glory


26) The Reunion

Shedding her clothes before the mirror, dress pooling on the floor, sucking at her feet, she strokes herself, slick fingertips tracking flesh, daring his reflected self to take her, searching across the gulf of years for some ghost of the boy she knew. Shivering, she lays her forehead against the cool glass as he licks a path down her spine, mapping her geography. Entering her, their bodies’ collision wakes her, reminds her she is still alive. She hooks her ankles around him just to hold on. This moment, all moments, crash together, spilling, flowing and after, strewn across the floor, thoughts of him expelled from her, like slow, hot lava…

Used: #56 – Lava by F Dot Leonora


27) Overdue Fine

Brock’s voice broke the stillness of the library.
“Inspection position, please.”
Melissa complied and opened her naked body to him. Her cheeks flushed while Brock delicately balanced books on her head.
“The belt if they fall, Little One.”
His mouth blazed a trail of heat over her chilled skin: collarbone, breasts, belly. Trembling, she held her pose. From spine to soul he caressed her naked curves like turning the pages of a first edition, uncovering her unread story, each delicate touch making her anticipate the next. Brock paused to feel Melissa’s heartbeat thrum against his fingertips as he gazed hungrily into her eyes.
Ding
He hurried to the front counter, leaving her exposed.
“Yes?”
“May I check out?”
Brock grinned as he heard the books thunk to the floor.

Used: #74 – Touch by Quirky Mischief


28) Next stop

The thin lace rubbed against Nick’s balls, a dirty little whisper that had him half hard but would devastate him if anyone heard. He moved awkwardly in his seat, a hardening cock rubbing at the seam of his jeans. She moved off him and opened her legs slightly too wide exposing her bare lips so he could see the glistening wetness. She was daring him to touch her, taste her, sink into her. He ran a discrete finger under the lace to taste her, the saltiness a welcome taste in his mouth as his eyes darted from her breasts to her lips and back to her eyes which dared him to risk all before the train stopped.

Used: #15 – Underneath by J.V. Speyer


29) Hecate Unchained

He was perfect for the job: hungry, eager.

She handed him the vibrator, spreading her legs wide to allow him full access to her throbbing cunt. As the vibrator whirred to life, she bent over him and started sucking. Ignoring his muffled moans, she thrust her hips at him, demanding to be fucked hard. He obliged and pushed the massager against her clit, causing the first waves to hit her with a vengeance. She sucked greedily as her climax hit her like a Super nova, explosive in its energy, burning bright and going on and on.

The vibrator fell from his lifeless hand. Licking her lips, she smiled with grim satisfaction; her work was done.

Used: #59 – Stars by Pixie Heart


30) Heat Rising

I continue frantically to search every cranny, my symbolic silver collar inexplicably lost. Resigned to it’s loss and thus subsequent consequences, I pause, recalling the first time he placed it around my alabaster neck, my breasts reddened and glowing from his touch, my cunt alternating heat and pleasure from the glides of the small tasselled flogger used, followed by his thick cock. Enjoying memories, exposed by my nakedness, pushing fingers greedily within, I become aware of his presence. Looking up, he is laconically standing there holding my collar by just a finger, and his lips are fluent in the Morse code my heart tattoos against my throat: again, again, again, and I mentally ponder the punishment coming.

Used: #19 – Again by Val Prozorova


31) Keep Remembering

He tasted like Jupiter and felt like stars streaking deep across my warm cosmic belly; my heart cast against asteroids, ground to cosmic dust, hot and still like the sun.
Last night is a blur. Too many drinks, kissing turned to touching, turned to spanking. I may not fully remember who he is. But, I know he’s my kind of guy. I know he fucked me.
I know I liked it.
I want more.

Used: #12 – Cosmic by Hyacinth Jones


32) Lust Renewed

He found her on the ledge, alone, waiting to be claimed. Wide-eyed, her fingertip traced his lips, her calves encasing his thighs. Arousal stirring, entranced, he opened the dusty covers of his soul, exposing weather-beaten pages and fading ink; the hidden text of his tentative desires unfurled beneath the light of her receptive gaze.

That night, his body responded to her touch, to the brush of red lace over flesh where his shirt had been. To her fingers guiding his cock. His need grew, revealed itself, spilled into her, as she clung to him, nails digging in his back, soft breath coming in whimpers against his neck.

Yet, tomorrow, he knew he would have to give her back, and someone else would check her out. She had no owner.

Used: #62 – Unfurled by Brigit Delaney


33) Edge play

I stop for a moment. Teasing. Pausing. I prefer the ache of sex that is a long, slow run rather than a sprint. I know you want differently. You want it hard and fast, wriggling beneath me to try and force my cock deeper inside you as I hold you on the edge. I know this waiting is agony but, trust me, it’s worth it. It’s worth it for your cry when I finally plunge inside you. It’s worth it for the slick embrace of your cunt and the hard response of your body. I may ache for you, I may hurt myself as I hold back, but you are always worth that wait.

Used: #68 – Run by Helen Scott


34) Using Helen

I wake when he pushes my face into the pillow. When he pushes into me, I know why I was dreaming of this: I’m ready for him.
I prefer the ache of sex that is a long, slow run rather than a sprint. I like to be teased, tantalised, tormented; to be raised so high that when I’m released I soar endlessly.
I thought he liked that too. Not this morning. This morning he’s a sprinter. He wants hard and fast; wants to collapse, spent, first across the line. This morning, I don’t soar: he gets release, I get used.
I prefer steady to frantic. But it’s my prerogative, and his pleasure, to change my mind.

Used: #68 – Run by Helen Scott


35) Sudden Storm

Dragon flame swirled around us; shower water hissing as two elements met. Pre-cum glistened on the tip of his cock like a raindrop on a leaf; a leaf trembling under the weight of the stout branch. I looked up. His eyes reflected the flames around us. Leaning down, oh so slowly, I pushed my tongue beyond my lips. Meeting his gaze, I lapped over his cock-head. His groan rumbled like thunder around me. Fervent hands gripped my hair as I opened my mouth. Some called me weak, a cowering fool. But here in the flames was a storm I would meet with my eyes wide open. His seed pulsing down my throat freed me.

Used: #9 – Raindrop by Strawberry Smutcakes


36) Still Meat

Looking back, Leonie wondered why she decided to have sex with a man that was definitely not her type; pursuing her prey had been much more fun than capturing him. It hadn’t been terrible – he’d eaten her out like he was starving for her approval as much as her pussy, and he’d called her “ma’am” without prompting. But his eager submission had been so boring. What was the point of hunting men that yielded the moment she got her claws into them?

Oh, but the way he’d bled for her even without the struggle she craved… how he’d wept, grateful, as she’d wrung his dick dry and fed him every tepid drop… Just a different kind of prey, she supposed.

Used: #24 – Predator by Julie Jones


37) Honest Mistake

He turned to her, face impassive. “You thought you were getting away with something.”

She shook her head. “It was an honest mistake, Sir.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You knew better. Dinner is served at seven, not at seven thirty. Get upstairs.”

She scrambled upstairs, not to the bedrooms on the second floor but to the playroom on the third. As soon as she crossed the threshold, she stripped her clothes off. The air up here was cooler than the rest of the house, and she shivered as she assumed the position on the bench.

He followed a moment later. He brought down his hand on her bare backside, and fiery tendrils of lust and shame burned through her body.

Used: #48 – Ablaze by Wriggly Kitty


38) Scenic Route

‘Have you ever considered,’ she said, pausing to wipe a globule of his cum from her lips.
‘What’s that honey?’
‘That I prefer the ache of sex that is a long, slow run rather than a sprint.’
‘Have you been reading those trashy magazines again?’
‘Just so husband dear. I know you work hard. You come home all sweaty and you want to screw and cum in my face. That’s natural. But just reflect for a moment and think, wouldn’t it be fine and dandy to take the scenic route now and again. A little sight seeing before you shoot your fucking load.’
‘You want me to get the station wagon out?’

Used: #68 – Run by Helen Scott


39) Produce Seduction

Mary gaped at Come-N-Save’s hothouse cucumbers, still sheathed in thin plastic (seamed for her pleasure). It had been too long since she had a proper salad. As she placed it in her basket, she noticed a gentleman approach checkout with a box of cherry pie. Mary couldn’t help but giggle as she spotted ‘Hot and Ready’ on the side of the container, and wondered if he was in need of a proper dessert. His eyes glanced around just enough to notice the way Mary stared at him, and suggestively caressed the vegetable. With a crack of a smile, Mary mustered the courage to ask about his dinner plans. A night of eating out was just what she needed.

Used: #38: Tosser by Su Orwell


40) Explosive fun

Her climax hit her like a Supernova, explosive in its energy, burning bright, and going on and on. Thanks to her new toy that Brandon gave her, she didn’t have to worry about scheduling a sex date or a mutual masturbation session. She had explosive power all her own.
Luckily, this special wand was waterproof. So not only could she do it on the bed, but she could also do it in the shower or bath.
When Brandon was around to play, the wand was there. In fact, he had just as fun with the wand as she did. Frankly, Brandon swelled with pride whenever she played with that want in her presence or hearing her explode hard.

Used: #59 – Stars by Pixie Heart


41) Pleasure Pain

‘Count, girl’

Bent over a chair, my skirt pulled up, panties at my ankles. He looms over me, cane in hand, reminding why I need to be punished. He’s right, I know better then telling fibs to master. He tells me I’m getting 20 stokes and to count. Lifting his arm, he lands his first blow. The sting of the cane crossed my ass, as the heat of a thousand suns burned into my reddened skin.
“One, thanks you sir” I stammer out, tears stinging my eyes. Remembering to still count I float off in to a world of me own, lost to the pleasure and pain.

Used: #26 – Stripes by Livvy Libertine


42) Dinner plans?

Mary gaped at Come-N-Save’s hothouse cucumbers, still sheathed in thin plastic (seamed for her pleasure): it had been too long since she had a proper salad. With a firm cucumber nestled in her basket, she wandered the produce aisles gently squeezing plump round tomatoes and flicking wet droplets off a long hard carrot with a curved tip that suddenly looked very familiar. Mary’s cheeks flushed. She gasped as she plunged an experimental finger into a ruffled head of lettuce, lightly pressing on the tight small bud at the core, and made a decision. Sucking the moisture off her finger, she left damp marks on her phone as she texted “You should come over tonight.” She smiled. Now to find the perfect creamy dressing.

Used: #38 – Tosser by Su Orwell


43) Name Calling

“God, what have I done?” he lamented. Leonie smirked while adjusting her clothes. Minutes before, he hadn’t been praying when he’d called out to God and shot come inside her. However, now that guilt had set in, she doubted he’d appreciate the ironic nuances of the situation.

“You just fucked me six ways to Sunday on your desk,” she answered, stepping away to pick up her torn panties. Looking back, Leonie wondered why she decided to have sex with a man that was definitely not her type; pursuing her prey had been much more fun than capturing him. Then she remembered overhearing a conversation in which his wife had called her “an overpaid Jezebel.”

“Speaking of Sunday…do you still need me to type up your sermon, Pastor?”

Used: #24 – Predator by Julie Jones


44) Being Resurrected

Her libido was a ghost ship, it’s crew lost at sea long ago. She had felt this way for so long that she’d given up on it ever being resurrected. The craving came back though, crept up on her slowly, nudging her, hinting at something she barely recognized. When Brandon touched her leg, there was a twinge. When he swept her hair out of her eyes and kissed her cheek, she thought of meeting his kiss. But when he hugged her good night, holding her tightly against him, she could no longer deny it, she wanted him. She wanted him to take her, to ravage her, again and again.

Used: #17 – Libido by Nero J. Black


45) Pick Me

It was love at first sight, a single glimpse and I was lost, drowning in those gorgeous brown eyes, unable to utter a single coherent word.

“Mm!” I moaned into my gag, desperate to catch her attention.

“Tell me about this one.” She said, kneeling to inspect me. My pulse fluttered in my wrists against ornate handcuffs.
The Shepard loomed behind her, his face obscured by the blinding showroom lights.

“Madam, I would suggest maybe looking at a different…” his voice faded into white noise. Now her brown eyes were level with mine.
She held my gaze as she cupped my bare breast in her hand. I gasped, arching into that simple touch. Her lips quirked in a momentary smirk.

“I want this one.”

Used: #29 – Clara by Alun Norley


46) Made Flesh

Previously overwhelmed by touch herself, the woman hoped voyeurism would spark her interest, but as the three lovers twisted into a knot of flesh, bearing no identifiable shape to the witness in the chair, she wondered if it would be rude to turn on another light or two. Candles scattered around threw shadows over what seemed to be a writhing mass of ecstasy brought to life. Some sort of beast made for pleasure—moaning, panting and curling in on itself endlessly. A flash of teeth, a caressing hand, a foot flexed in an agony of release. What she could see was captivating and soon she’d pulled her chair to the edge of the show, eager to witness everything.

Used: #44 – Witness by Chase Morgan


47) Burning Bush

Her edges were frayed with the beginning of a fire when they met. The closer they got, the flames grew more, slow yet tame. When they got together, the fire had more intention, the flames licked her like the crest of a wave in the ocean. Now, his finger traced a triangle of fire from her mons to her nipples, from her nipples to her now burning bush, right to the source of her fire. The source of her love. The mouth of her sex trembled within its own fire—combustion was inevitable and necessary to see their love completed. To scorch, and be scorched by the fire of it.

Used: #5 – Heat by Eye


48) Scene One

The door latched behind Paige with a sinister click.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come,” Ethan said.
“I almost didn’t.”
His piercing blue eyes wandered down her body then back up, lingering on her curves.
“Did you do as I asked?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“No panties?”
“Or bra.”
“Good girl.”
Paige flushed with pride. She could get used to him calling her that.
“Kneel,” he commanded.
“Yes, Sir.” She lowered herself to the carpeted floor.

Ethan ran his fingers through her hair, yanked it, and bent her forward until she was face down ass up. He lifted the back of her dress.

He brought down his hand on her bare backside, and fiery tendrils of lust and shame burned through her body.

Used: #48 – Ablaze by Wriggly Kitty


49) Model Boyfriend

Sunlight streamed through the open window, setting fire to the millions of dust particles that danced across the cool, high-roofed studio. In the gloom below, a different dance reached its final movement.

The three lovers twisted into a knot of flesh, bearing no identifiable shape to the witness in the chair. Kate preferred it that way. Abstraction was often the catalyst she needed; her mind imposed order and clarity where her eyes could not.

Fingers flexing around her pencil, Kate sought and held Sam’s gaze. Even as his body tensed and twisted in silent pleasure, he stared back at her, unblinking. He nodded once. I’m OK. This is OK.

You know I’d do anything for your art.

Used: #44 – Witness by Chase Morgan


50) Command Performance

Taut muscles glided over soft flesh. Pebbled nipples pressed against velvety lips. Tongues sought the damp, warm secret places. Delicate fingers gently stroked a thigh, while the strong fingers of another enmeshed with those of a third. Long fingers kneading and needing. The three lovers twisted into a knot of flesh, bearing no identifiable shape to the witness in the chair.

Used: #44 – Witness by Chase Morgan


51) Fortune Teller

They say she reveals futures when she comes. The need to discover himself, to discover the wonders of her flesh, lures him to her shop.

“What fortune do you seek?” Honeyed words make him spill his secrets.

She slides down his cock, cunt warm and wet as she sits tall, poised above him. Her eyes swirl as her hips swivel in tighter patterns. He wields pleasure to bring about his perfect future. She comes abruptly, arching and crying out, and he thinks of being a boy scattering crowds of birds at the park, envisions the violent, beautiful calamity of their sudden flight. Her hands find his chest, her eyes still for the first time.

“Your life will always be a tragic one.” Her mouth smiles, but her eyes are cold.

Used: #18 – Feathered by Betty Butch


52) Silent Witness

The three lovers twisted into a knot of flesh, bearing no identifiable shape to the witness in the chair. Insatiable desire hardened his dick until he was desperate to explode in heavenly relief.

He gets off on the carnal show of skin on skin, flesh squeezing and sculpting into intimate, erotic forms. Lips, tongues, teeth. Hands and fingers and cocks and cunts. Slurping and biting and kissing and sucking. Grabbing, fucking. Moans and sighs and sweat and sex until they all reach satiety. Except him.

He can never have that release. He often visits here though, settling back to watch. And he knows they don’t see him. They can’t. But their raw sexuality makes him feel almost human again.

Used: #44 – Witness by Chase Morgan


53) Jump Start

A sweltering Saturday in July found Ava stranded en-route to her cousin’s country wedding.

Her sexy, impractical shoes coated in dust, she approached a farmhouse. Knock unanswered, she headed to the stable yard.

“Hello…”

Perspiration trailed between Ava’s breasts. Her dress clung to ripe curves.

An adonis appeared, shirtless and muscled. She eyed his tractor, explaining her car predicament. He smiled, melting her panties and changing her agenda!

Emboldened by lust, Ava licked beads of sweat from his chest. Responding, he cupped her arse, pulling her to him. Fingers pressed into heated flesh; juices flowed, pulses raced.

“Fuck me, please!”

Ava had been growing tired of waiting for someone to meet her sexual needs, but with every thrust of his cock this clumsy farmer was charging her batteries.

Used: #66 – Energised by May More


54) A Masterpiece

The field contained only a singular tree’s 8 o’clock shadow. His firm order for her to strip echoed in its expanse. Obediently baring her body, she absorbed the evening sun’s blaze. Her head swinging back as her toes nestled between juicy blades of grass.

He moved masterfully around her. Not once allowing his swinging arm to put her in shadow. Red marks appeared like ripe summer berries, slashes of their juice decorating her skin. Burning flesh soothed in the summer night air as her cries intertwined with a Goldfinch’s song.

As the moon rose behind them, his flogger painted her cunt into a sunset, glowing between the mountain-purple shadows of her thighs.

She was a masterpiece.

Used: #69. Landscape by Felisha Moon


55) The Disciple

The hot water cascades over his body, cleansing him as his ritual begins. Once dry he adorns himself with his symbols of submission. Reciting his mantra with every buckle he fastens. ‘I am bound to only you, I serve you with reverence and devotion.’ He is like the High Priest, called to worship at the temple of her body. I am their disciple. I bear witness to their passion, as I am baptised by the glory of their love.

Used: #2 – Adorer by Mrs. Robinson


56) All Aboard

The cursor throbbed along with his cock. As he was writing his bio, Larry could not decide whether his penis resembled a rumbling locomotive or a fine-tuned engine; both could apply at times.

Bobbi, a buxom brunette from Rendezvous, Wyoming, fingered her twat on the other side of the screen. Video sex: what a time to be alive. Her turn-ons included blue-collar redheads and trains. It was kismet.

She traced her lips with her tongue and spread her legs wider. “Show me how to ride it, baby.”

Larry thrust toward the camera. “Chugga,” he rumbled, his fist a piston, pushing and retracting like a crankshaft tugging over wheels. “CHUGGA chugga chugga.” At his “woo-woooot” she fell back, shrieking, Larry desperate to come into her station.

Used: #46 – Motion by Elliott Henry


57) Unwrap me

Picture this; on a September day in a hotel two people who have spent three months messaging each other meet. I take a lift to the second floor, he proffers his arm as the door opens and together we walk towards our new world.
The distance between us is dissolved as he binds my eyes and secures my hands before he unwraps me like a present. Layer by delicious layer with a delicate touch he uncovers me until he reaches my molten core and I tremble with such long awaited pleasure I whimper slightly.
Blindfolded and vulnerable, my body melts under his touch, he is the flame, I am the wax, I am fluid beneath him, I drip, drip, drip as he burns me with his desire.

Used: #53 – Fluid by Floss


58) Assume Control

His look of pleasure morphed into frozen shock when they locked gazes, the pleasure all hers as she snaked her tongue around the rock-hard cock of another rolling stone. He’d thought he was in control. Believed that her need to be desired – loved – gave him power over her.

Arrogant fuckboy, she thought, her talons forming a cage around his balls. His helpless whimper thrilled the megalomaniac in her.

She didn’t want to be loved. She wanted men like him to know that she had the power. Right there in her tongue and at the tips of her fingers.
Closing her throat around the very thing he’d tried to dominate her with she smirked at him with her eyes. It was time to teach an old dog a new trick.

Used: #33 – Medusa by Cara Thereon


59) Slow Burn

It’s that slow build up. The mounting anticipation that grows stronger with every word and every touch.

It’s the warm feeling that spreads over and through you in response to your partner’s attentions.

It’s the increasing desire and arousal, building inexorably as, bodies entwined, you move together as one.

It’s the heightened sensations as you begin to lose control.

It’s the agony of being held on the precipice, waiting for the inevitable.

It’s the sweet ecstasy of release as you finally surrender, succumbing at last; allowing your climax to break over you.

It’s the languid, satiated embrace of exhausted lovers.

I prefer the ache of sex that is a long, slow run rather than a sprint.

Used: #68 – Run by Helen Scott


60) Delayed Pleasure

He was allowed to use his hands first, just above her navel. The gentle caresses and slight drag of nails across skin, down her sides, under the curve of where her breast falls, all set up a delightful prelude for when the soft chime rings out. With a half-content sigh, she stretched out. Nearly there. He repositioned; Fingertips along her inner thighs, to where her legs met her hips, back down to the nearly-ticklish arches of her feet. He traced a pattern, sliding closer to her clit each time his fingers crossed over. When the chime sounded again, the tongue caressing her flesh was melted chocolate bursting forth from the first bite of a perfectly toasted s’more on a crisp summer night.

Used: #51 – Indulgence by B.B. Sanchez


61) Loved Up

It was love at first sight, a single glimpse and I was lost, drowning in those gorgeous brown eyes, unable to utter a single coherent word. We let our smiles do the talking, both of us leaning in close, our foreheads touching lightly.
“This rave is awesome” she whispered, her glazed eyes staring directly Into mine.
I was high too, and I was smitten. She was the most beautiful woman in the world right now.
I pushed her up against the wall and kissed her. The wall vibrated in time to the thudding bass beat as she kissed me back. I pressed my entire body against hers and started a slow dry hump. We probably looked ridiculous, but the Ecstasy made it feel oh so sensual.

Used: #29 – Clara by Alun Norley


62) Again, Always

His lips are fluent in the Morse code my heart tattoos against my throat: again, again, again. He sucks at my clit, driving me wild and making me want more. I arch my hips into him and silently beg, unable to speak. Without warning my body tenses and then expands outward to encapsulate the orgasm that overtakes me. He rides it out as I do, his mouth never stopping its onslaught as my heartbeat returns slowly to the throbbing ache of again, of wanting more. And that’s when he pushes two fingers into my wet cunt. I come for him. Again. Over and over, until I am exhausted and limp in his arms.

Used: #19 – Again by Val Prozorova


33 comments

  1. So I found this to be much more difficult to pick than the last round. There were a couple that had such earnest feeling to them, like 13 and 45, my heart ached. I really had a hard narrowing it down because it’s a matter of what appeals to me. 38 made me chuckle and I couldn’t not pick that one. I just enjoyed how light it felt

  2. 38 and 42 made me laugh. Humor is hard to blend well with erotica, but these two did it perfectly. I really liked the witty ideas in 10 and 51. A good story hinges on an original idea. These stood out for me in that regard. A few had editing errors, which immediately turned me off, and too many just didn’t really tell a story. There were several good ones, but if the characters or situation didn’t speak to me, or if there were awkward word choices or phrases that I had to stumble over, I stopped reading and moved on. Words like slurp and lap just aren’t sexy in my mind, so I tend to disengage when I read them.

  3. #6 – The build-up of choreographed movements capstoned by a tangle of inelegance is clever, in that it is unexpected. It’s also a bit jarring.

    The word ‘carefully’ is used twice in the beginning; in such a short piece, variation is imperative. ‘Meticulously’ would be a viable substitute for one of them. Or ‘scrupulously’. Try a few adverbs on for size.

    #13 – I like the broad brushstrokes of this portrait. The words convey emptiness and sorrow without resorting to explanation; they allow the reader their own ‘fill-in-the-details’ interpretation, which is a powerful tool in storytelling. The personification of the curtain is a nice touch.

    #45 – The setting here is a key element. With very few details, it’s made into both an abstract concept and abundandantly clear possibility.

    ‘Love’ is an overused concept word, one that means nothing without context. I understand why it’s in your story; it’s just something to be conscious of as a general rule.

  4. ones that resonated with me

    44) I love the reversal of the orignal. #12 was also a nice reversal, but #44 was my favorite on the metaphor. The way the return of arousal surprises her, in my mind because of the sweetness her partner showed in his patience.

    47) I love the imagery and metaphors. I love how they connect me to the story with emotion. Fire and sex is always a great meeting for me.

    59) I love the repetion of the beginning of each sentence. It has a nice rhythm. And drives the point home that its enjoyable, but you also built the sex scene into the piece. The build up of arousal to sweet ectsasy of release.

    ones that didn’t hit me

    #17, #53, and #56 all felt abrupt to me and didn’t give me any emotional connection or seduction.

  5. The three pieces that stood out to me were:

    #9 – The Keepsake – I like the imagery of him pawing and growling that feeds into the end twist.
    #24 – Little Pyromaniac – As someone who likes playing with candles like that, everything about this story appealed.
    #54 – I wouldn’t have known what to do with this metaphor but it comes together beautifully.

  6. Congratulations to everyone that has made it to round 2!! Please keep in mind that the feedback I give is merely my opinion. I think everyone did a fabulous job and I had a hard time making my choices.

    1. It was nice. I couldn’t put my finger on what it needed though.
    3. Hot! Great visual.
    4. Beautiful. I read it several times to really grasp it but it was beautiful.
    5. I like the concept.
    6. Very beautiful, I can see the visual you were going for. The only downfall I see is that not everyone will understand the terms.
    8. Very very good. This could stand alone.
    11. Very visual
    12. Subtle and sexy
    13. Powerful! Sad but visual
    14. Hot!
    17. Hard to tell who was talking and who was thinking
    19. There seemed to be a period where there wasn’t one needed
    20. Nice. Spelling errors?
    21. Fragmented sentences used for emphasis don’t work for me here. Her saying “Yes Sir” should’ve been a new paragraph.
    22. Not a big fan of “vaginal secretions”. Doesn’t sound very sexy.
    24. Verb tense of watch and let. Watching and letting could have been used I think. Sputters instead of splutters.
    26. Flow-standing in front of the mirror then suddenly ankles around him. No point to say there was a move made.
    29. Flow-spread legs wide then bent over him. Seems to contradict.
    30. While very beautiful, average people could possibly need a dictionary or thesaurus to get through it.
    31. Short and to the point. They don’t go together for me.
    32. Beautiful!!
    35. Last couple of sentences could use a little rearranging I think. Dragon flame concept was lost on me but I see where you were going.
    37. Hard concept to develop in 100 words.
    38. Cute. Funny. Honest.
    39. Very cheeky
    40. Typos?
    41. Word tense plus stoke vs. stroke?
    42. Hot!
    45. Very well written.
    53. Flow
    59. Too many “it’s” for me
    62. Sentences at end to me are fragments and could be redone to make a deeper impact.

  7. 28 – This was very hot to read, as it hits so many of my kinks and fantasies. The description lets me picture it perfectly.

    33 – I like this because it has a little bit of everything; It is sexy and feels somewhat emotional at the end.

    38 – This made me giggle out loud, as I can totally see a couple having this conversation.

    39 & 42 – I am always amused at how dirty minded I can be, especially at the grocery store. These microfictions reminded me a lot of myself.

  8. Flash fiction is a fictional story of extreme brevity that still offers character and plot development. Some just say flash fiction is defined by the amount of words. I think, the best flash fiction stories hint or imply a larger story, with multiple layers. This is a very difficult genre and I do expect that the contestants do some research into it. I am impressed with what all authors have accomplished. It is never easy to use a sentence from someone else and to incorporate that, build on it, and make it even stronger. It was very hard to choose the best 9 ones, so I gave my points to the ones that best met the characteristics of a flash fiction story.
    To all the contestants: please bear in mind this is a competition. If you do the obvious, chances are you’re not the only one. Try to stick out. Don’t just write about something that turns you on. Give your story an edge.
    Also, I am a sucker for punctuation.

    So, here’s some feedback and my points:

    1. Second Wind (1) The beginning of your story was very promising. It implies that something had happened in the past, but now things are different. Unfortunately, the second half was not very surprising and it doesn’t reveal what was so different this time.

    2. Bound Freedom (1): I like the setting(BDSM with an audience). At te end, you skip from present tense to past tense.Sometimes it is not clear if ‘she’ is the observer (Carlie) or the observed.

    3. The Surrender (1): The almost vampire-esqueness of this story is daring, but I miss ‘the bigger picture’.

    4. The woman (1): This story does imply a bigger one. However, I am not a big fan of making every sentence a poem of its own. It makes the story more difficult to read and to understand.

    5. The risk (6): Great example if flash fiction. This story talks of a past, describes a twist and then implies what will happen next.

    6. En Pointe (1): I like how you consequently use dance terms to describe the relationship of these two persons. I am not a big fan of your punctuation (three sentences in a row with semicolon and colon).

    7. The Leap (1): I just love your opening sentence! That first paragraph really caught me. The story is also very romantic. But is it flash fiction? I am missing character of plot development, or that bigger picture.

    8. Her Temple (1): For me, this was a bit too much and that has a lot to do with a lack of variety. Apart from two sentences, every sentence has the same structure (He …, She …, She…, she …, The priest …, The priestess …, He …). Try to use different structures, to prevent that it reads like a report.

    9. The Keepsake (3): Nice one. This story does hint at a bigger one, although you give it away too much. You might have left something to the imagination of the reader (for instance by not mentioning the pointed ears and fangs, but a more vague description).

    10. Pretty Boy (1): Great flash fiction. However, the first half seems to have a different tone (more direct) than the second (more poetic).

    11. First Time (1): I applaud you for writing a gay erotic story. I didn’t find it very surprising, though. If you had switched the last two sentences, it would have made the difference. Also, (and I know it is a matter of taste) I recommend not to start a story with ‘I’.

    12. Siren’s Call (1): Probably my fault, but I didn’t get it.

    13. The End (5): There are parts of this that are really great, and others that could be improved. I like the melancholia of the story. I just think that your opening sentence could be better. And I think you could have hinted at the relationship of the ‘witness’ and the woman.

    14. First Bull (7): Great flash fiction. As a reader you can start to imagine how this will change the course of Nick’s life, both personally as professionally.

    15. No Shame (1): I very much like the end of this story. That was a nice twist. But I think more could be done to imply something bigger. How does this build to the character? Try to add some of the doubts or fears of the woman. Or give a hint to where the desire comes from. Now it’s ‘just a hot story’.

    16. Slow Run (1): What a great opposition. Nicely found. Why haven’t you worked with that some more? I think it would have been exciting if the lack of patience and a slow lover would have made the story more intriguing.

    17. Good Neighbors (1): Why have you changed the perspective (first him, then her)? You missed the opportunity to build on the emotions of Julia. And why the ellipsis (…)?

    18. Love Unrestrained (1): This story is ‘in the moment’, while flash fiction must imply a bigger story.

    19. Opening Act (1): I like the little twist at the end, but I would have liked it more if something more happened than just a creak (perhaps some light, a discovery).

    20. The Epiphany (1): Some of this is really great (‘too much whiskey, never enough time’ would have been ea great opening sentence). I think the metaphor is a little out of context, because we, the readers, haven’t been told enough.

    21. First Submission (1): Why have you chosen to use this staccato way of telling? The rhythm and hastiness of the story doesn’t add to the readability.

    22. Starry Skies (1): The metaphor implies a lot more than just lust. I think you mist that opportunity.

    23. Card Catalogue (1): This also a story that is ‘in the moment’, where I expect a flash fiction story to hint at a bigger story. I think you could have done that with a different ending line. Also, there is an endquote (“) but there wasn’t a begin quote.

    24. Little pyromaniac (1): Right. Here my pragmatic part comes in. I just don’t see this happening. So, you’re in a fancy posh restaurant, and you can just walk out (without having to pay)? It would have been so much stronger if this would have happened at the table.

    25. Of Hunger (1): I can totally see how this excites you (as a writer), but is it flash fiction? Where is the bigger story, the multiple layers?

    26. The Reunion (1): Not a big fab of these long sentences with so much commas. It is a hot story, but is it flash fiction?

    27. Overdue Fine (2): Nice story. It tickled my imagination. I think you could have done a bit more, hinting at the background of why Melissa was doing what she was doing. The end was a nice twist.

    28. Next stop ( 1): Nice. What is missing here is why Nick is wearing lace. It seems out of context.

    29. Hecate Unchained (1): Hecate was the goddess of witchcraft and necromancy. Knowing that, I am not sure what happened in the story. If she had just killed him, it would have been a nice flash fiction story. But as a reader I need just a little bit more information.

    30. Heat Rising (1): This story too is just a (very hot) description of a sexual moment, and it doesn’t hint at a bigger story. Try to add emotional factors (fear, doubt) and hint to where that is coming from.

    31. Keep Remembering (1): I like how your story is like a funnel: sentences becoming shorter and shorter and coming to some kind of conclusion. The ending would have been even better if the last sentence too started with “I know…”. I miss the bigger picture, though.

    32. Lust Renewed (1): Your last sentence makes this a flash fiction story. Work on your punctuation. Some sentences are just long listings.

    33. Edge play (1): I really like the way this is written. The rhythm fits the sexual act. No points however, because I missed the bigger picture.

    34. Using Helen (1): Also for this story: I am not a big fan of semicolons and colons in erotic fiction, because to me they mean explanation. I don’t want explanation, I want imagination. And I want flow. I am not saying you can’t use these kind of punctuation, but be very careful. There are other ways to get the right rhythm in your texts. The flash fiction part is only very thin. Where is the bigger picture?

    35. Sudden Storm (1): Again, great and hot story, but where is the bigger picture?

    36. Still Meat (1): I like the perversion of this story, but I don’t see hints to a bigger story.

    37. Honest Mistake (10): Yes! This story implies so much. It implies the relationship between the man and the woman. It implies she knows what is expected from her, so there is a history to that. It also implies what will be happening. Great flash fiction!

    38. Scenic Route (9): This one made me laugh. It is one of the best ways to incorporate the metaphor and it certainly is the best that used ‘Run’. It is also a great flash fiction, because it implies how the relationship is between the man and the woman.

    39. Produce Seduction (1): Hahaha, you thought ‘well, let’s put in some more metaphors’? I like how you hint to what could happen next. Unfortunately, not very original (see ‘dinner plans’)

    40. Explosive fun (1): I am missing a story here. As a reader you haven’t made me curious for the why, the how, or the when. It’s more of a statement: Brandon gave her a wand.

    41. Pleasure Pain (1): For this story too: it is a hot story, but for it to be a flash fiction story, there must be something bigger. Layers. Hints to the past or the future. Also a few typos.

    42. Dinner plans? (1): You’ve fallen in to the trap of doing the obvious (see ‘produce seduction’). Tip: always try to think outside of the box with this marathon, because otherwise you won’t stand out.

    43. Name Calling (4): Great flash fiction. You managed to describe the relationship and the bigger picture with just this little story. It was however, a little predictable.

    44. Being Resurrected (1): That escalated quickly. Too quickly if you ask me. From a ship wrecked libido to lasciviousness in a blink of an eye.

    45. Pick Me (8): This scene wants me to know more. Why, how, who? To me that is what flash fiction is about. Also very erotic without becoming too blunt. That first sentence is way to long, though. Sometimes a full stop is better then a comma.

    46. Made Flesh (1): That fist sentence is way to long. Sometimes a full stop is so much better than a comma.

    47. Burning Bush (1): This is very nicely written. But is it flash fiction?

    48. Scene One (1): A great and hot scene, but there is no real story.

    49. Model Boyfriend (1) I am puzzled. Are they lovers or models?

    50. Command Performance (1): There is just a listing of events, not a real story.

    51. Fortune Teller (1): A nice piece of flash fiction, but too much competition for you and then it becomes a matter of taste. I didn’t like the metaphor to begin with. Sorry.

    52. Silent Witness (1): You missed the opportunity to reveal a bit of the watching person. Now, I am not intrigued enough.

    53. Jump Start (1): This falls into the category of pizza delivery, plumber and other porn cliches. Try to make your characters more interesting, by adding real and realistic emotions.

    54. A Masterpiece (1): There is no story here, just an event. Try to add something to develop the characters.

    55. The Disciple (1): Halfway you change perspectives from ‘he’ to ‘I’. I am missing a story here.

    56. All Aboard (1): This didn’t appeal to me on many levels. Most of all, I can’t see this as flash fiction.

    57. Unwrap me (1): Try not to ‘tell’ to much, but try to ‘show’ more. That opening sentence is giving away too much. Besides that, it is just an event, not a story and you also do not hint at a bigger story.

    58. Assume Control (1): Nice and hot story, but unfortunately not good enough to get my points. Mostly, because I had to read your second to last sentence a couple of times, before I noticed the missing comma, before ‘she’.

    59. Slow Burn (1): A great poem, but not flash fiction.

    60. Delayed Pleasure (1): A hot story, but there is no bigger picture. Also, why the semicolon? Sometimes a full stop is better than a comma.

    61. Loved Up (1): Your opening sentence is too long. Sometimes a full stop is better than a comma. Also some typos. I don’t see the bigger picture or the hinted story.

    62. Again, Always (1): A very hot situation, but that doesn’t mean it’s flash fiction.

  9. Well done those who took the second challenge, I haven’t commented on all but here are my thoughts on a few, but I am no expert, I am advising from my gut only. Good luck everybody.

    (1)Very hot, the short sentences keep up the urgent pace, takes the reader into the experience
    (2)Sets the scene well, but as a reader I feel detached.
    (3)I can hardly believe this keeps to the word count because it seems to say so much! I see and feel both points of view and am involved in their fantasy and power dynamic. Erotic and passionate scene.
    (5)Clever use of word count, the story is succinctly laid out and anticipation well built. Key use of adjectives “secure” hand and him looking “firmly” in her eyes build his dom persona. The fiction fits like a glove with the author who created the meme!
    (8)I feel this faltered because it got too bogged down with the ‘worship’ theme.
    (9)Following the light tone set by the metaphor this was clever, witty, with a twist. Just one criticism – the word ‘post’ didn’t seem to fit.
    (10)I loved the build and the weaving in of the metaphor, the wording kept me on my toes, i could never assume where this was going, although the last sentence felt clumsy.
    (11)Sexy, the vulnerability and pleasure were well conveyed.
    (12)Erotic and descriptive.
    (13)The emotion conveyed is sad rather than sexy. The metaphor was completely camouflaged which I think this shows a skilful use of words.
    (15)Loved the hot scene, the portrayal of the female sub, not sure it needed the last sentence.
    (16)The pace is measured, but heat is building. It’s a transparent erotic scene.
    (17)The metaphor is about pace & so is the micro fiction, slow at first (love the detail of her freckles) before an urgent, eye-watering face fuck. From civilised to dirty and sexy.
    (18)I hadn’t loved the metaphor on its own (sorry) but I adore it worked into this fiction. Rope play is a lot to convey in so few words but the power play dynamic and the freedom it evokes is really well portrayed.
    (20)Really great use of this metaphor, rapidfire descriptive passages set the scene and convey the urgency well.
    (23)I love the imagery! I love the idea that she labels her lovers, tapping into my fascination with the library indexing system. Frisky fun.
    (24)Big/little dynamic well conveyed, urgency and naughtiness depicted, the metaphor is the climax.
    (25)Loss of control conveyed passionately; Loved that the flogger became a third in the dynamic! The danger is desired, the frenzy is palpable.
    (28)I loved this as a metaphor, a clever twist here has changed its meaning but sexy tease and furtiveness are conveyed. The participants are provocative, attractive, filled with naughty intent.
    (31)Unfortunately the 2 different authors were very evident, with no ‘blend’ towards the style of writing in the metaphor.
    (32)Lust indeed, so beautifully written, as if he begins to see his ageing self through the girl’s eyes and is rejuvenated. Poignant in their differing vulnerabilities this is elegantly erotic.
    (33)Sexy words and tension and arousal well conveyed.
    (38)Great start, dialogue a little stylised – good (humorous) message to the men (from Mars)!
    (39)Humour of the original metaphor very much retained. This was fun and and still sexy.
    (41)Erotic and submissive, the anticipation is well described.
    (42)Humorous and suggestive, our heroine is a predatory one, the scene is erotic and full of promise.
    (43)Love the humour and revenge in this! There is wit and cunning in the ‘church’ references, this is racy and hot even in its post-sex setting!
    (44)Very believable, the a steady build up of awakened libido, transparent language.
    (45)I invested in this story, loved the yearning and passion within the submissive.
    (46)A vivid tapestry created by well chosen words and build of pace.
    (47)Very good effort at keeping all descriptions on a heat/fire theme.
    (50)I enjoyed the descriptive skills in the first half of this micro-fiction.
    (52)My favourite use of this metaphor, so raw, urgent, erotic and tangled, while the tortured voyeur is forever detached from the satisfaction – great work.
    (55)Words have depicted great anticipation and ritualistic preparation for the sexy scenario which is likely to follow, but I feel this prologue itself isn’t erotic.
    (56)Sorry but I dislike the term twat! But in other respects this was humorous, which was done well, but not sexy.
    (57)Great use of the metaphor, lovely build from commonplace to sexy, anticipation and lust are tangible.
    (58)Lovely 180 flip of expectation from the tone set by the metaphor echoed in the female wrenching the power out of the male’s control. Erotic prologue to a promisingly hot D/s scene.
    (59)A very sensuous, erotic massage is depicted, and the increasingly sexy phases are well described to the much anticipated licking, a great use of the metaphor.
    (62)The climax in a sex scene is one of the hardest bits to write but this was done flawlessly, lust beautifully built to the starburst moment, great teasing, erotic wordplay.

  10. 9. I liked the sunrise twist at the end of this story.

    13. I like how this one leaves you guessing. There is enough to the story to make it a full story, and at the same time you want to know more.

    17/ U think this story would have been more powerful if it had been written from one point of view, rather than switching POV in the middle of it.

    19. This was more like a preview than a real story – switching tenses at the end of the story was very jarring.

    26. This was a lovely story – so much history between the two lovers, you could imagine a while novel in this story.

    45. This was a very compelling and sexy story, even though it was more the beginning of something bigger.

  11. 2 – Bound Freedom: love the interplay of voyeurism and S/M together. I wish I was at this show!

    5 – The Risk: I wanted to cheer. Yay, rekindled marital relations! I wanted to see this play out.

    6 – En Pointe: What a lovely way to express the awkwardness of real sex.

    10 – Pretty Boy: I’m sorry, I was confused by this one. I wasn’t sure if there was a male in female clothing here or you were describing a threesome, or both. Lovely prose, however.

    11 – First Time: I want to know where this spa is.

    13 – The End: The “bruised skin from overuse” was a depressing image to me, but the story was fascinating. I want to know what happens with the main character.

    14 – First Bull: I like the contradiction here, the sexiness of the lingerie combined with the humiliation.

    15 – No Shame: I really liked that last sentence.

    17 – Good Neighbors: I like how you tell such a great story with two POVs, and in such a short space!

    27 – Overdue Fine: I work in a library, and this delighted me.

    28 – Next Stop: I liked this but wish it was longer. There seems to be too much going on for such a short space.

    33 – Edge Play: Delicious, and it made me envy the woman. Great job.

    34 – Using Helen: Heartbreaking, so beautifully done.

    35 – Sudden Storm: Such lovely imagery!

    39 – Produce Section: I laughed out loud at the guy caressing the vegetable. This scene was a lot of fun to picture.

    43 – Name Calling: So much detail packed into a small space. Helluva story, that one.

    51 – Fortune Teller: Oooh damn, do I want to know the story behind those eyes. Great job.

    58 – Assume Control: I love the switch the woman makes.

    59 – Slow Burn: Very unexpected style, like poetry. Well done!

  12. So many good entries! I felt bad for not being able to leave feedback on the metaphors, and I know how off it felt to read through comments and rarely see feedback for your own. So I’m going to do my best to go through all 61 other entries. I apologize if yours didn’t have a lot to it, but be assured that I enjoyed every single one of these!

    1: Very solid writing. I especially liked the way you weaved the metaphor into the narrative, and although I will admit I’m biased, even with such a strange metaphor as it was you worked it in well. Good job!

    2: Immersive! With such few words you managed to paint a good picture in my head. Slightly confusing at the same time, although in retrospect it really isn’t. It just takes some time to re-read it to understand it. Overall, I liked it!

    3: Good story! There was nothing too vivid though, at least to me, but at the same time I liked the succinctness, which I felt only helped it along.

    4: Well written story, although I feel that you could have shortened it up a bit. That said, I liked the way you wove the metaphor’s narrative into your own, expanding upon and truly making it your own!

    5: I’ll admit I’m not too into BDSM stuff, and yet I’m eager to see what happens to those two characters now, which is surprising given that you only had a little over 100 words to work with!

    6: I’ll also admit with this one I needed to look up over half those words. That said, even before I did I got the gist, and the gist I got was that I liked it! Once I did look them up, I liked it quite a bit, especially the way you worked the overall theme into it!

    7: The first paragraph hit a bit close to home, and yet overall I liked this one, although the metaphor felt a bit too forced into it, or a bit too generic. That said, I think it also fit it quite well, given the challenges, so I think you did quite well!

    8: Well written story! I liked the way you weaved the theme of the original metaphor into the story, as it seemed it was more of an extension of the original rather than something crafted around it. Well done!

    9: I was surprised by the ending to this one, I didn’t think she’d change that fast! I liked it quite a bit, the theme was well-done overall, and the surprising ‘twist’ ending!

    10: I’m unsure on this one. It’s well-written, and I like it, to be sure, but the sudden use of names after only using pronouns seems a bit forced to me, and I found myself going “wait, who’s this guy?”. Upon re-reading it, I understand now, but it took a bit of retrospection. Overall though, I found it well written, and quite likable!

    11: Highly erotic! Even with only a few words, it’s quite vivid to me, and that’s definitely something I can get behind. It wasn’t immediately obvious though what was going on, but in hindsight it makes perfect sense. Good job!

    12: I’ll admit, I liked this one a lot. It’s usage of the metaphor was wonderfully crafted and it felt almost completely natural in the narrative. Well done!

    13: The subject matter makes me slightly uncomfortable, and it definitely feels like it was written around the metaphor rather the metaphor being worked in naturally. That said, the fact that you did make me feel uncomfortable, with only a few works, speaks highly of the work itself, and of the vividness of how you wrote it. Good job!

    14: This is another one where the subject matter makes me slightly uncomfortable, and it took me a while to understand what was going on. That said, once I did get it I actually liked it quite a lot, and I felt that metaphor was written in naturally into the story. Well done!

    15: I definitely liked this one. Well written, it was succinct and to the point, yet at the same time managed to paint a picture in my head. Well done!

    16: I liked this one, although the lowercase I in the beginning turned me off a bit. It reads a bit less like fiction though, and more like an autobiography. That all said, I did like this one, and I think it was well-written and well-made, the metaphor being written in fairly naturally, and not forced at all. Good job!

    17: I enjoyed this one. The sudden switch in perspective threw me for a loop the first time I read it, but at the same time I caught on fairly quickly. Overall, I liked it, and the way you worked in the metaphor worked quite well. Good job!

    18: I’ll admit I can’t actually tell where the metaphor is in this one. Which actually speaks extremely highly of the way that it was written into it, to the point of it sounding so natural it’s just another part of the story. Well done, and I certainly enjoyed this one!

    19: I liked this one quite a bit, and the vividness of the picture to me is really good. The way the story is written doesn’t seem to gel with the metaphor chosen, but on the other hand it also doesn’t need to because it stands up on its own just fine.

    20: I liked this one. The want, the need, it showed itself well in the writing. There was a sense of hurry to the writing that came off well, although I think it might’ve been better had it slowed down near the end, to truly get his feeling. That said, it was definitely well-written, and I certainly liked it!

    21: There was a sense of curiosity in this one that I have to admit has me thrilled. My only major complaint is the dialogue, or rather how it’s formatted regarding the dialogue. Other than that, this was definitely well-made, and the metaphor was written in well. I liked it!

    23: I liked this one, although I wasn’t sold on the repeated use of the word catalogue. On the other hand, I think it was well-written and well-made. Good job!

    24: I loved this one. The feeling, the vividness, it was really damn good to me. Well-made and well-written, I really enjoyed this entry, my one thing that I wasn’t sold on was using the metaphor at the end, but on the other hand it fit with the narrative really well. Well done!

    25: I enjoyed this one, I liked the way you incorporated the metaphor into it. I think it was really well-done. You could almost feel the desperation in her voice, even without you explicitly saying so. Good job!

    26: This one was interesting. I liked it, although it seemed almost methodical, slow and unwavering, much like the metaphor you used. I liked that you managed to keep with that theme throughout the entire thing. Well done!

    27: I wasn’t sold on this one, although I do like that you didn’t explicitly explain everything, which made me smile once I realized what was going to happen. It was a tease, and it was a good one at that.

    28: I liked this one. This was another one I couldn’t tell where the metaphor actually was without re-reading them, which is a good sign to me.

    29: I’m not sold on this one. I like it, but it didn’t seem all that vivid to me. That said, I think it was well-written and worked decently well with the metaphor chosen, although it seemed fairly restricted. Good job!

    30: I really enjoyed this one. I could tell there was a sense underneath it of want and need, and it followed with the metaphor well. Well done!

    31: Honestly this one was kind of sad to me. I liked it, it was short and succinct and worked well with the chosen metaphor, although I could tell that it was kind of a generic one inserted. That all said, I liked it!

    32: An interesting take, to me. I liked the almost double-metaphor going on, the one written explicitly, and the underlying one that compared her to a book. Good job!

    33: I liked this one. Definitely seemed to be crafted around the metaphor, which I liked as that theme continued throughout the entire work. The pacing definitely matched the tone, with the want and need of both parties obvious. Good job!

    34: I like this one. I like the sense of urgency I get from it, and the theme from the metaphor that continues throughout the entire work. Well-made and well-written, I definitely enjoyed this one a lot. Thanks!

    35: I will admit I took this one a bit too literally at first. I like all the comparisons though, as it definitely made it feel vibrant and alive, and it took me a few re-reads to fully understand everything. That said, I definitely liked it!

    36: I liked this one, even though I’m unsure as to the subject matter myself. That said, I definitely enjoyed it, and I definitely liked the way the theme of the metaphor continued throughout the entire piece, it definitely seemed crafted around it. Good job!

    37: This one was well-done to me, well-made and well-written. It felt though that the work was crafted for the original piece, which isn’t a bad thing. It felt as if there was a sense of urgency, and I felt there were more to the characters than the usual sub/dom. Good job!

    38: I’ll admit. I laughed. I laughed a lot more than I should have. The metaphor seemed awkwardly worked in, but on the other hand the end line just made it all worth it. Well done!

    39: My first thought on this one was ‘wouldn’t those seams hurt?’ but on the other hand the idea of picking a guy or girl up at the grocery store of all things made it worth it. Definitely well-written, I liked this one a lot.

    40: I liked this one, although it took me a few re-reads to fully grasp it. The metaphor seemed awkwardly worked in, but at the same time it kind of made sense to me, and I definitely found the work enjoyable.

    41: I know I’ve said this a lot, but even though I’m unsure about the subject matter I really enjoyed this one. The metaphor worked in well, and I definitely liked it’s succinctness. Good job!

    42: To be honest, when I read this one, I actually kind of laughed. The supermarket puns were amazing, and it was definitely an entertaining read. Well-crafted around the chosen metaphor, I liked this one.

    43: I liked the twist on this one. Preying on a holy man, that takes both guts and skill. I enjoyed it, and it was well-written and worked well with the chosen metaphor. Good job!

    44: I like the gradual evolution of her thoughts on this one, as her libido slowly came back to her. My only thought is that it could’ve taken longer, a few more twinges before the realization, but as it stands on its own fairly well, that’s only a minor issue. Well done!

    45: I thought this one was well-done and well-made, and I couldn’t even tell where the metaphor was used, as it flowed well throughout the entire thing. As it stands I thought this one was really good, although I appreciate that it wasn’t as vivid and left mostly to the imagination of the reader.

    46: I liked this one. I actually really enjoyed the small interlude where she thinks about things other than what’s going on in front of her, and slowly turns herself on to it. Overall, good job!

    47: I really enjoyed this one. I liked that the theme continued throughout the entire thing, and I got a sense of urgency and need throughout the work that read well. It was difficult for me to tell where the metaphor was without looking for it, which tells me that everything flowed well. Overall, I really liked this one!

    48: I liked this one, and it actually almost felt complete even without the metaphor at the end. That said, it was just the cherry on the top, and I especially liked that the dialogue was well done and grammatically correct. Good job!

    49: I ‘aww’ed at this one. Maybe it’s because I’m old-fashioned, but I like the ones like this, where the guy is doing something to please the girl, rather than the other way around. I really liked it, and although the metaphor fit perfect I could tell the story was crafted around it. That all said, well done!

    50: I liked there were no names, no words between the four players, and that everything seemed to mesh well. It was extremely succinct, and it didn’t really need to be extended, although I would’ve liked to have seen more to it. Good job!

    51: I enjoyed the theory on this one, although its ending made me slightly sad. Well-written and well-made, I definitely enjoyed this one.

    52: I’m kind of saddened by this one. Not because it isn’t good, because it definitely is good, but rather the subject matter. Which only says that it’s well-written and easy to get into. I enjoyed the narrative crafted because of the metaphor, even if you led in with it. Good job!

    53: I really liked this one. It was quick and succinct, and definitely had the tone of urgency to it. It didn’t quite fit the tone of the metaphor I thought, but even then it fit it’s own tone extremely well.

    54: Extremely vivid and detailed! I really liked the thought put into everything, and it flowed so well I can’t actually tell where the metaphor was without looking for it. Well-written, and the vividness and detail was amazing. Well done!

    55: This one was missing something, I thought. It’s good and it’s well-written, and it seems to extend the metaphor versus tell its own tale using it, both of which are good ways of doing similar things. I think it was because this one was almost too short, too succinct. That said, I liked it!

    56: I shouldn’t have laughed at this one, but I really did. On the other hand, even as short as it was I liked the characters, and it fit the metaphor almost too well in a way. That said, I thought it was really good!

    57: I liked this one. It definitely had that sense of need and want, and almost felt like it needed to hurry to get to where it was going. I also liked the timeline; rather than meeting immediately, it took months, and all that buildup was felt through the entire piece. As I said, I liked this one!

    58: Wow. You could almost feel the thrill as it shot through her as she took control. Well-written, and definitely well done. My only complaint is that you led with the metaphor, which isn’t an issue as the rest of the piece flows with the themes and tone just fine. Good job!

    59: I liked this one. It’s descriptiveness of each state was perfect as it gradually got more and more in-depth. This is one that I think could’ve led with the metaphor versus it being at the end, so to lead with the tone that the metaphor presented. That said, it was still really good!

    60: I like this one. I like the descriptiveness of each piece as he trails down her body, and it’s so easy and so vivid in my mind what’s going on. I also like that the flow isn’t interrupted by the metaphor, it’s been well-crafted around it so as to only enhance the action. Good job!

    61: This one took me a few re-reads to fully understand, but when I did I simply went ‘Oh. Ok. That was pretty hot.’ I liked it though, and I’m glad you emphasized certain things to make sure that it was understood to the reader. Good job!

    62: I really enjoyed this one. I liked that the theme and tone of the metaphor was continued through the entire work, that it had an underlying tone of urgency and pleasure. Well done!

  13. 2. I really liked the opening on this one. The ending was confusing about who was feeling which emotions. Why did he frown? Who was disappointed?

    3. The imagery was beautiful. It would have been nice for the story to highlight the dominance and surrender a bit more.

    4. The idea of a poisoned woman wasn’t clear and it muddled the erotism. I also was stuck on the word slurp. Parts of it were really hot.

    5. Yeeowza this idea is hot. Some of the sentences needed better punctuation to increase clarity, but the story was very sexy.

    52) This felt like a complete story that pulled the reader in and the twist at the end left me wanting more.

  14. I chose two that were very unusual and another that spoke to me on a naughty level. It was so hard to pick and I could have easily chosen half a dozen of them.
    Feedback for 56: I loved the innovative and quirky nature of this. It’s great to see playful sex. You built the characters well in the short time you had and I loved that crazy dialogue!
    Feedback for 51: This was poignant and evocative. It reminded me a little of the Australian move Man of the Flowers. It’s hard to tell if the protagonist is simply lonely or kinky. Either way it captured the yearning beautifully.
    Feedback for 5: I could see this becoming one hot scenario in a very short time. I loved the possibility it revealed.
    Feedback for 52: I had a hard time leaving this one out of my final choices. I loved the chill of it and the twist.
    Feedback for 39: God I wish I could pull this trick off at the supermarket! This was a fun read that spoke to my own loneliness. I thought it was cleverly crafted especially the pie.
    Feedback for 27: I loved this naughty story and enjoyed the anticipation and the finale. I didn’t choose it because I wanted to pick writing that approached the prompt in an unfamiliar way, but I did enjoy it.

  15. I’m sad I could only vote for three entries because I loved six and it was so hard to narrow them down to three. The six I really enjoyed are below, and hopefully a decent explanation of why I enjoyed them.

    2) Bound Freedom – What I loved about this piece wasn’t that the picture Carlie painted made me hot, but that her shame and envy was what got me going.

    9) The Keepsake – I’m pretty sure most of us assumed this was a figurative ‘animal’ when we read the first metaphor, but I love that you took it in a literal direction because I think that made things even hotter.

    10) Pretty Boy – I. Loved. This! So much. I enjoyed the fact you went with a kink/fetish that not everyone is into, (disclaimer; I totally am) and made it really sexy and I hope maybe a little appealing to those who may not have explored in this area yet.

    18) Love Unrestrained – As someone who has been in rope many times, but struggles to write about that experience I really think you hit the nail on the head here.

    24) Little pyromaniac – I loved the bratty vibes of her behaviour coupled with that melt that so many of us are familiar with. You used my metaphor from the first round for this piece and I really love what you’ve done with it.

    43) Name Calling – This is so naughty, and so delicious. Perhaps I’m naughty too because not only did it turn me on, but it also caused me to smirk a little too. Naughty grins all round.

    52) Silent Witness – From beginning to end this was glorious. Not only did it feel like a complete little story but it also left me wanting more.

    Some of the other entries gave some feels and thoughts too, so I have jotted down my feedback for them below. I’ve tried to be gentle but honest in my thoughts, I’m happy to expand on them though if anyone is confused by what I’ve said.

    3) The Surrender -I’m not sure if you intended for this to be interpreted as a literal expression of vampiric lust, but I totally went there. I definitely had lots of erotic images in my mind as I read this.

    5) The risk – Nice! I like the fact you took a low libido and turned it around. I would like to think the discovery of erotica has reignited the passion in some real life scenarios too.

    8) Her Temple – I used this #2 for my micro-fiction too. Really interesting to see how we both did similar, yet different things with it. Nice job.

    21) First Submission – This one got me a bit confused. I feel like the flow of it is erotic, but the words and the plot left me a bit lost. I think if I had the full picture that you probably had in your mind when you wrote it then I’d perhaps feel differently.

    27) Overdue Fine – This did make me giggle. In a naughty and sexy way. Fun and sexy all at once. Very nice indeed.

    28) Next stop – I feel like this is two stories merged into one. I had to read it a good number of times to get where it was coming from. I read it with the entry from Round 1 omitted and I thought it was actually very sexy. The first sentence doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest though.

    30) Heat Rising – After feedback from my own writing in the last round I’ve started reading my writing out loud so I can identify better where my punctuation is off. When I read this out loud I noticed that I’d probably punctuate it differently or shuffle the structure around a little, so it was a smoother read. I also think I understood what you were trying to portray with ‘laconically standing’ but it feels like an odd fit. My mind keeps going to ‘standing there with a sardonic smile’ as an alternative and I wonder if that was the intended feeling of that line?

    57) Unwrap me – How can I not comment on this one seeing as you were lovely enough to use my entry from Round 1. I really like how you worked it in to your piece. Fab job.

    59) Slow Burn – I love how poetic this is. I probably wouldn’t have pegged it as micro-fiction, but I enjoyed it either way.

    I hope everyone who wrote something for this round is really proud of themselves for what they’ve achieved. I think even those who don’t make it through to the next round have done amazing to commit to the Smut Marathon up to this point. I’ve really enjoyed these first two rounds, and I can’t wait to see what is written for the third round.

    Floss 🙂

  16. I chose “The Keepsake” (a fun twist), “Card Catalogue” (witty), and “Pick Me” (sexy and leaving you wanting to know the rest). Many, unfortunately, were too purple for my liking. The line in “Bound Freedom” about a woman’s nipples becoming “hard as diamonds” jolted me out of the story, as did the line in “First Submission” about the man’s pre-cum being like a drop on a leaf. I couldn’t tell who was having the conversation at the end of “Overdue Fine.” I’m guessing it was the Dom and whomever was at the counter, but the transition was a bit clunky for my tastes.

  17. First of all well done to everyone who completed this round. The most important thing about being a writer is actually writing and so you have all nailed that!

    The standard was really high yet again and it took me nearly all week to decide on my top 9 but I got there in the end. The brief was to write a flash fiction story and so that was what I looked for, the pieces that actually told a story with characters and plot. Some of the entries were really just descriptions of sex, albeit seriously hot ones, but I was looking for a story!

    So here are some thoughts from me on the stories I voted on and some others that didn’t quite make it as Marie is mean and only lets me pick 9 *grins at Marie. The first 9 are the ones I voted for.

    27. Overdue Fine

    Bravo to the writer of this very clever little tale. We have 2 characters with names and a dynamic between them, we have a location, which actually makes the story even filthier, and even an additional character who helps to bring all that together and it all ends with a perfectly delicious cliffhanger.

    56. All Aboard
    This is a wonderful love story of how the internet allows two people with a unusual kink to find someone who knocks their proverbial socks off. It is both funny and beautiful.

    43) Name Calling

    I am happy to admit that I might have a bit of thing for corrupting religion and this story definitely ticks that box but regardless of the writing managing to find their way into my filthy heart with that angle it is really excellent flash fiction. In just a few short words we know his wife is a stuck up bitch, that Leonie likes the chase more the capture and that the vicar is very flawed man.

    39. Produce Seduction
    It made me want Cherry Pie and it made me really like Mary. She came across as a woman deciding to be a bit naughty for a change. This is another story that definitely used humour to tell a story but there is also a cheeky suggestiveness to it that I really like.

    45. Pick me
    This one definitely has darker overtones. The Shepard is both sinister and intriguing and yet it feels quite easy to picture him in my mind along with the rest of the scene because the writing is sharp and strong and flows beautifully.

    38. Scenic Route
    So damn funny it actually made me laugh out loud and I knew the moment I read it that I would end up voting for it. Whoever wrote this has a perfectly brilliant comedic turn of phrase.

    13. The End

    A really evocative piece of writing that exudes sadness and regret and the last line is utterly glorious.

    23. Card Catalogue
    We don’t know her name but we do know she is a sexually adventurous woman with numerous lovers and that Jacob is a bit of a kinky fellow when it comes to libraries. All that in 90 words is really clever story telling.

    19) Opening Act
    At first I thought this a description rather than a story but then the last line changed everything.
    And some honorary mentions in no particular order…

    9) The Keepsake
    This story has huge potential. I think it needs a bit of reworking so that it flows better and that the reveal that she has been made into an animal needs to happen right at the end.

    17) Good Neighbours
    Also has real potential but I found the swapping of the points of view jarring. I would suggest reworking it to being a her or his story.

    34) Using Helen
    It skirts the edges between a story and a description but I really liked it, especially the ending. My advice is treat what you have done like notes for a slightly longer story and write that! I would love to read it if you do.

    49) Model Boyfriend
    An absolutely fabulous opening sentence that had me hooked but then I was left feeling like I had missed something like there was more to this story. Maybe the boyfriend was being sacrificed or was doing it purely for the artist? There is definitely a story waiting to be told here.

    51) Fortune Teller
    Yet again there is more to this story and I really want to read it. You absolutely had me all the way through but the last line knocked me off. There is something about what she says and the description of her in that moment that I found confusing but seriously this is another one that is aching to be fleshed out in my opinion.

    54) A Masterpiece
    This needs more of a narrative but it gets a mention for this breathtakingly beautiful sentence.
    “Red marks appeared like ripe summer berries, slashes of their juice decorating her skin”

    If anyone wants to ask me directly for feedback on their piece, whether I have mentioned you here or not, I am more than happy to discuss it with you. You can find me on Twitter @mollysdailykiss or email me molly@mollysdailykiss.com

    BUT

    It is Eroticon next weekend so I might be slow to answer but I will get to you I promise.

    Mollyxxx

  18. 3) The Surrender – I like the imagery here, the setting of the scene is pretty deep given the word limit.
    6) En Pointe – this is lyrical and lovely, its language of dance complementing the implications of the characters’ lovemaking.
    10) Pretty Boy – this is hot, but it’s one twist after another, first making the reader think it’s about sex, then that it’s about cross-dressing, then gender identity. And I like that it’s not clear whether the narrator is male or female – they could be either or neither, and that’s awesome.
    19) Opening Act – whoo, hot! I love the imagery of this, and the moment of forbidden passion it describes.
    51) Fortune Teller – the heat and cold juxtaposed here is compelling, the lust of the seeker both for the woman and for the truth is as well.

  19. This was a really difficult assignment, so well done to everyone that was able to write something! This was also a really interesting one, as I noticed how much more my sexual tastes came into it. In the first round I liked what I felt was beautifully written, whereas the things that I found arousing caught my eye more in this round. Besides voting for my own, I also voted for ‘Overdue Fine’ and ‘Pick Me’.

    Overdue Fine is hot, the metaphor is so naturally inserted in it and it has a very clear and interesting ending.

    Pick Me really ticks the sexy box for me. It also really stands out as it’s such a different scenario to any of the others entries. The words have been so expertly constructed to convey so much and the metaphor fits so naturally within it.

    A few others I especially enjoyed included…

    ‘All Aboard’ – Entertaining and really stands out as different
    ‘Name Calling’ – I loved the ending. An amusing surprise!
    ‘Sudden Storm’ – I really love how beautifully they worked around the metaphor to make the stories writing match.
    ‘Card Catalogue’ – Really amusing. I especially loved the final sentence!

    As with the last round I am going to try to leave constructive feedback on a couple that weren’t my favourites. None of these were my least favourites, they are just ones I feel I can leave useful feedback on.

    ‘Jump Start’ – Firstly, sexy farm scenarios are an absolute winner for me! The only negative thing that stood out to me was that the story seemed to leap from them meeting to fucking, without any reasoning behind it.

    ‘Explosive Fun’ – I got the impression this might have been rushed due to a few typos. Sometimes I find it helpful to read something aloud or to reread it a day later.

    And lastly, thank you so much to the author of ‘Of Hunger’. You created a such a fantastic, and incredibly hot, story around my metaphor!

  20. So many great scenes in this round, I loved the variety. Various random thoughts on different entries. This is comletely subjective based on my own personal reader perspective.

    3. Loved the pacing and imagery of this one. I was really feeling this except watch words like “cum” as they can pull a reader right out of the moment. But definitely a scene I would love to read more of.

    4. Using “across the ‘poisoned woman’s’ face” for some reason really took me out of this moment. The internal quotes feel like snark in contemporary lexicon.

    5. Fun and intriguing scene and thank you for including a moment of consent!

    6. I liked the continued dance metaphor, I would be cautious for repetition of words.

    8. Incredibly sexy marrying of the sexy with the sacred. Incredibly luscious language.

    9. The verb tense seemed inconsistent, but I really liked the twist at the end.

    10. I loved the idea of Natasha/Derek, but with gender queerness, be careful of statements like “The thrust of his thigh masks his maleness.”

    11. Intriguing scene, really want to know more of who this person is and how they found themselves in this sexy scenario.

    12. I really enjoyed the extended imagery from the original metaphor. Would read more of this story for sure.

    13. Powerful imagery and a lot of story in so few words. A lot to unpack with this one, rather haunting.

    15. Dark and compelling.

    17. This one had a lot of intrigue, but ultimately I was left a little confused as to who was doing what to who.

    18. A compelling moment that captured the kink well. Leaves me curious to know more about the dynamic.

    19. The darkened cinema seemed off for being able to really see that beautiful, erotic burst of color. I did very much like the hint of being caught at the end.

    20. You captured the urgency of need here well and I loved the moment of revelation for the narrator.

    22. Completely subjective but using “vaginal secretions” just took me right out of this one.

    26. Intriguing layers and tension in this story and was curious to know more about these characters.

    28. I feel like there were too many things vying for my attention here. Him wearing the panties in public, the bold teasing of the woman, and then the seeming public aspect of the scene.

    29. Loved the dark and dangerous elements here but did lose track a bit of body parts and limbs.

    31. I am curious as to the taste of jupiter.

    33. Enjoyed the contrast of speeds and the overall dynamic of the scene. Be careful of jarring words like “cunt”

    34. Consent is huge for me and this seemed a little dodgy for my sensibilities.

    35. I was really into the fantasy imagery, the thunder and flames were wonderful, so words like “cock-head” kind of pulled me out of the moment a little.

    38. Completely my personal tastes, but this was just over the line between porn and erotica for me.

    44. I really liked the opening of this and the set-up was there but I wanted a hint as to what quality he had that awakened her.

    47. I think the extended fire metaphor started to get a bit over the top for me. I really liked the last sentence though.

    49. So much story captured here, what a great scene.

    51. This was just not for me. There were images and references in here that I found troubling. Be cautious of using professions like fortune telling lightly and evoking moments of childhood with orgasms.

    53. The leap from just met to sexytimes was just too fast for me here. Really liked this image though “Emboldened by lust, Ava licked beads of sweat from his chest. “

    54. This is a strong image “As the moon rose behind them, his flogger painted her cunt into a sunset, glowing between the mountain-purple shadows of her thighs.”
    58. So powerful and brutal.

    59. Enjoyed this structure very much. I would be careful how it was used in a longer story, but this poetic style worked for me here.

  21. Great Round everyone! My method of voting is this. I read every entry in one sitting and jot down on a sticky note which ones immediately grab me. I do that two days in a row. This round there were twelve. YEY. And it was difficult to narrow it down to three choices. With my two pieces of paper stuck to my computer, I reread and consider what I liked about an entry. The ones that drew me in this time were 14, 27, and 49. They represented a story, scene, and feeling all laced with erotica. I commented on Twitter Smut Marathon is the place for an erotica writer to study the craft. That is for both the writers reading and the authors writing. All of you are inspiring. Excellent job and I look forward to the next round.

  22. Great assignment! It is quite hard to use text from someone else and make it your own. Some were brilliant and I congratulate everybody with their entry, well done! But I must say: quite a few were somewhat cliche. I read a lot of scenes instead of stories, scenes that came from nowhere and went nowhere. Maybe I have read too much literotica, but I do not get excited anymore from lips following curves and poetic words and strokes and wetness and stuff. It has been written a billion times before. So, my mission was all about finding originality, a complete short story, the methaphor used as if it was a natural part of the story (instead of a stylebreak). And I found my pearls. I am sorry to have commented only my choices, it was a very busy week and a lot to read. So much looking forward to the next round!

    10 points: #27 Overdue Fine
    This short story really stood out from the crowd. It is written in a down-to-earth style, it is a complete story and yet leaves room for the imagination of the reader. It is witty, funny AND hot. Which is a very difficult thing. Furthermore, I like the use of dialogue: no introduction of characters, no ‘he said, she said’ and yet all is crystal clear. Well done!

    9 points: #56 All aboard
    Aaah, so refreshing! It is hot, very graphic, a little cynical and funny. Excellent the way the author wrote in third person and yet managed to create intimacy. Very well done!

    8 points: #43: Name calling
    Nice one! That torn panties got my attention: a small and smart detail that told all about the situation beforehand. It is different, a good story, written clean and crispy. And the author slipped in the methaphor very well, as a natural part of the story.

    7 points: #13 The End
    Setting, atmosphere…and a whole story behind the words. I love that. The author even managed to build up tension, awkwardness, by the choice of his words. Hollow, undulating, a naked bulb spilling and a stained velvet chair. The only thing I didn’t like was the use of the word dusty twice.

    6 points: #5 The Risk
    As short as it is, it is complete. And I immediately saw all that was before and all what would come after. Also, I like the fact that it is set in an established relationship. Erotics is not always in the new and fancy, it is a part of our daily lives. Original and fluently written.

    5 points: #3 The Surrender
    I am not sure why this story got to me. I found quite a few flaws in it and there were stories much better written. The last line a bit cliche. Yet: the story met the methaphor perfectly, it is a very intimate and erotic scene and it kept me wondering. So, it wasn’t a rational choice, it just got under my skin. And isn’t that the purpose of good erotica?

    4 points: #49 Model Boyfriend
    The setting is quite original. I liked the fact Kate and Sam are connected in a very erotic way, although they totally contrast: both engaged in a very different activity. I liked the intro, as reader I was immediatly taken to the studio. It is written fluent and the story is very coherent with the methaphor. I would have chosen another last line. It is obvious Kate is an artist, the author does not need the emphasize it like that.

    3 points: #39 Produce Seduction
    Good Title. In round 1 I gave points to this methaphor because it did not include one single sexy word and yet it was so clear what the author was talking about. And again, what I consider brilliantly done and completely in style with the original methaphor, also in this little story not a single sexy word and yet I felt excitement: YES! She is gonna get it! Well done.

    2 points: #45 Pick me
    I have read a lot ‘bdsm’ typed stories this round That’s ok, but most were not very original, I have read it all before. This entry got my attention, because the perspective was so different. Not so poetic, not so submissive: we can only guess what the subject of all the attention was really feeling. That leaves room for the reader to fill in the details. All words are carefully placed, not one word is unnecessary and adds to the story. I thought it exciting and nicely dramatic.

    Keep up the good work everybody, it is such a pleasure to read you all!

  23. I know how difficult it is to use the work of someone else and make it your own. Congratulations to all the writers who have accepted this challenge and wrote a piece. I hope this round has taught you something more about your own writing. Do yourself a favor and study how the other authors have used the metaphors and what feedback they have gotten on their stories, because you don’t learn only from your own feedback.

    Please find my feedback below. If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask.

    Marie aka Rebel xox

    1) Second Wind: The words ‘his friend’ stopped me and made me start reading again as I thought there was a third person in the story. I think if you have used ‘his lover’ it would not have confused me.

    2) Bound Freedom: I think if this could have been a longer piece, it would have been stronger. The writing is good, but the piece is too short to get your ‘message’ across.

    3) The Surrender: I like this!

    4) The woman: I have read this piece several times, but still cannot tell you how I feel about it…

    5) The risk: Nice use of the metaphor.

    6) En Pointe: I like how you start out with dancing terms, which gives this piece a classy passion, but only the passion remains in the last sentence. Lovely writing.

    7) The Leap: Melancholic, even a bit sad, but not erotic.

    8) Her Temple: Nice writing.

    9) The Keepsake: I get that this is about vampires, but this doesn’t read like a story, more like a summary of facts. I think you should have left this sentence out of it: ” I had to post my free hand against the wall to stay upright as I came for the second time tonight. I noticed that I was going to need a manicure soon.”

    10) Pretty Boy: This is exquisite writing. I love how you have written his character, how he is not one, but two.

    11) First Time: Nice writing and good use of the metaphor.

    12) Siren’s Call: Good use of the metaphor, and I like the ‘treasure hunter’ and ‘artifacts’ to match the metaphor.

    13) The End: There’s so much sadness in this. Beautiful writing!

    14) First Bull: Nice use of the metaphor.

    15) No Shame: I like this: ” A third blow created a fire that burned the shame away, leaving only lust.”
    Then I came to the last sentence and thought, which face? I went back to read it all and still thing I am missing something as I don’t know which face.

    16) Slow Run: You start where standing in line with your friends, and then, what seems to be a memory (he often starts…) starts. However, then it seems like you are together, or am I mistaken? I find it confusing as to where you are and whether this actually happens, or are memories.

    17) Good Neighbours: Interesting swift from one’s perspective to the others.

    18) Love Unrestrained: A lovely piece.

    19) Opening Act: Make sure you use the same tense throughout your story. Now your last two sentences are present tense and the rest past.

    20) The Epiphany: Yes, this totally works for me. You have managed to capture wantonness, but also a kind of sadness in this short piece.

    21) First Submission: There are too many short phrases in this piece that are not really sentences. Phrases are good to make a text stronger but doesn’t work that well in a short piece like this.

    22) Starry Skies: I like this, but there is something missing here which I cannot put my finger on.

    23) Card Catalogue: Even though you have not used the number of words you could, this story is good just as it is.

    24) Little pyromaniac: You have nailed it, drawing me into the story with only two words and wanting me to read on and get closer to the flame… great use of the metaphor!

    25) Of Hunger: Yes, this definitely works for me. Sexy and hot!

    26) The Reunion: There are just too many commas used here for me to get into your story. Sorry.

    27) Overdue Fine: This is a mini-story all by itself, but opens up the possibilities for a longer one. I love this!

    28) Next stop: I am a bit confused as the metaphor says the lace rubs against his balls, but you talk about the hardening cock rubbing at the seam of his jeans, which to me means he still has his jeans on. Then the lace is what she is wearing, not him. Like I say, I’m a bit confused, even after reading this several times.

    29) Hecate Unchained: I get that this has something to do with a dark goddess, but the last sentence feels a bit out of place as nothing but the title lead to the darkness at the end. It’s too abrupt.

    30) Heat Rising: This piece would have been stronger if you have alternated the length of your sentences. Now you have only four sentences and the second and fourth are just too long.

    31) Keep Remembering: I cannot help but feel that you could have made much more of the metaphor that you used than you have done. Try to use more words when you have not yet reached the limit.

    32) Lust Renewed: The first two paragraphs are beautiful and sexy, but the last paragraph seems like an anti-climax and leaves too much guessing. Maybe of you have used different words than ‘check her out’, the piece would have been perfect.

    33) Edge play: This is hot and sexy and wants me to read more!

    34) Using Helen: Nice use of the metaphor.

    35) Sudden Storm: A hot piece of writing, but watch out with using one word, like ‘flame’, too much in a short piece like this.

    36) Still Meat: I like how you have used the metaphor.

    37) Honest Mistake: A good use of the metaphor, but the ‘playroom on the third’ made me think too much of Fifty Shades.

    38) Scenic Route: The last line made me giggle. This scene might just be all too true for many couples.

    39) Produce Seduction: A great and fun use of the metaphor.

    40) Explosive fun: This didn’t feel like a story, but more like random thoughts. Sorry.

    41) Pleasure Pain: The first line immediately had my attention, but there were some things that hindered me too much to enjoy this.

    42) Dinner plans?: A fun piece!

    43) Name Calling: This definitely is one of my favorites! I love the ‘forbidden’ sex and the way you have used the prompt. Well done!

    44) Being Resurrected: The title, the beginning of your micro fiction, the middle piece and the end, all work perfectly together! It forms a whole which I love!

    45) Pick Me: This story worked for me on all levels. It’s sexy, erotic, builds tension and it makes me want to read more!

    46) Made Flesh: I found myself wanting to move closer, wanting to see more too, until the phrase ‘a flash of teeth’ and gone was all the tension that built up in the first lines.

    47) Burning Bush: The word ‘fire’ being used so much in such a short piece didn’t make this story work for me. Sorry.

    48) Scene One: Good use of the metaphor and a sexy story.

    49) Model Boyfriend: The first sentence is a brilliant opening and by the end of the second paragraph, I’m on the edge of my seat, wanting more. But what follows then to me feels like it doesn’t fit with the first half of the story.

    50) Command Performance: I think this piece could have been stronger if you have used more words. Be careful not to use too many short sentences after each other as it makes the story sound like a summary.

    51) Fortune Teller: The way you have used the prompt in this piece of micro fiction is very good, but the last sentence left me with an empty feeling. However, I think that’s what you intended?

    52) Silent Witness: I really, really, really like this. The rhythm you used in the second paragraph is brilliant. And, I want to know why he cannot have his release, why he can only watch.

    53) Jump Start: To me this is a story – beginning, middle and end. I know that white lines are important, but too many can keep your story from flowing.

    54) A Masterpiece: There are some things that took me out of the piece too many times. For instance: “Her head swinging back as her toes nestled between juicy blades of grass.” does not work for me as a stand-alone sentence but would have been perfect if it was added to the sentence before it, with a comma. The same goes for ” Not once allowing his swinging arm to put her in shadow.”

    55) The Disciple: This is beautiful and intense. At first I thought that you should have used more words, as you had quite some to spare, but this just works so well that I see why you have left it this short. More words might have taken away the strength of the ones you have used.

    56) All Aboard: This made me laugh!

    57) Unwrap me: A beautiful way to use the prompt and a sexy scene.

    58) Assume Control: This works as a stand-alone story, leaving your reader guessing what trick she is going to teach him. I do want to read on though!

    59) Slow Burn: I love how you have used the metaphor here. Normally I don’t like when sentence after sentence starts with the same word or when writing is spaced like this, but it works here.

    60) Delayed Pleasure: A sexy picture painted with words, but it feels unfinished.

    61) Loved Up: A sexy scene from a night at a rave, but where it does have a beginning, there is no end. The end is too open. The word “Into” written with a capital took me out of the story too.

    62) Again, Always: I understand the desire and lust you have described here, but I didn’t feel the desire the way you might have intended it.

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