Smut Marathon 2018: Voting Round #3

It has been three weeks since the results of the third voting round had been published and we had announced which 41 writers went through to the third round. In the last three weeks the writers had worked on the third assignment and today, finally we can present you with their work.

The assignment

The assignment for round 3 was:

Write an erotic character sketch of an ‘imperfect’ character

‘imperfect’ is written between quotation marks because you are to decide in which way your character is ‘imperfect’. What I don’t want is ‘perfect’ characters who has everything going for them.

There were more questions after the assignment was sent and I told the writers that they had to think about it this way: when I start reading about your character I know nothing about him/her and when I am done reading your 200 words, I have a picture of your character in my mind.

What should you do now?

Read all entries – you have a week to do so – and vote for the three stories you find the best. You have to vote for three – no less, no more. Don’t forget to click the ‘Finish Survey’ button when you have made your choice!

Please note:

  • Writers are not allowed to tell anyone which entry they have written!
  • You can only vote once.
  • The voting round closes on 7 April 2018 at 23.00 CET
  • Results of the voting round will be published on this site on 8 April 2018 and then I will announce the author of each character sketch.
  • No authors will leave the marathon after this round. All of them will go through to round 4.
  • Please note that entries are not placed in the order in which they have been received. I use a randomizer to order the entries.

One last thing

I know it’s a lot to read and even more to ask, but it would be lovely if you could leave as much feedback as possible on the entries, or to make it more manageable, please leave feedback on the three entries you chose as well as three entries you have not chosen. Make sure your feedback is composed in such a way that the writers can learn something from it. This will be highly appreciated.
(Feedback can be left in the comments section at the bottom of this post. Comments will only be approved after the voting round has closed.)

Enjoy reading and start voting!

~ Marie Rebelle

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1) Fucking perfect

Vicki looked perfect. Her platinum hair fell over her shoulders in easy waves and her outfit did exactly what she wanted to her curves. Long legs elongated by sheer stockings, skirt hem curling just under her arse; she looked fucking irresistible. Damn, even her tits looked stunning. She pulled back her shoulders to stretch the fabric tighter. Yes, these tits were worth every penny he’d spent on them. Fucking perfect!

Catching sight of Stephen, Vicki resisted a frown. Frowning gave her eyebrows a cruel angle, which she knew aged her, but she couldn’t hide her disgust. He was wearing jeans and that shirt? Christ, couldn’t he make an effort? Vicki pursed her lips to apply another coat of crimson lipstick. Never mind, all the boys will want to fuck her tonight. Maybe if she ignored him again, Stephen would leave early. She wished she could remember why she’d married him; he’s so boring! Instead, she imagined wiping her lipstick on some fuckboy’s cock. She would look incredible riding him, and thinking of her tits and arse bouncing against this faceless boy who was so fucking grateful for her attention was making her wet.

She was flawless. Who would resist her?


2) Quick Draw

Conway willows into the velvet chair, smoothing down the tie he couldn’t be arsed to remove, and reclines the back. His cock strains to match his height. They are both ambitious.

He forgot the cock ring. Again. He grins that impish half-grin and shrugs, beckoning with a quick jerk of the chin. He wants it now, always now; time is money, honey, and that closing bell is about to ring.

He flings out his arms to flex them behind his head, and knocks over your favorite lamp. Blood rushes to his face; thirty years old and he still hasn’t gotten used to his wingspan. Even his cock seems to duck its head. But the bowl around the halogen bulb rolls towards the corner and stops, casting an eerie glow to the room, leaving him half in shadow. “Fuck me, Cynthia,” he purrs. Only your name’s not Cynthia. You wonder if that’s just another thing he forgot. But then he grins. And you forget to care.


3) The Hunter

Given the choice – and at 6’2″, with visible cheekbones and a hairline that started no further back from his forehead at 39 than it had at 19, it was a choice he enjoyed on a regular basis – Harry preferred to fuck married women.

Pricked by conscience, he’d once spent an uncomfortable couple of hours trying to construct a moral argument for his active pursuit of other men’s wives, before admitting to himself that he didn’t much care either way. Married women were just a lot less complicated.

Harry had strived for simplicity and emotional self-reliance his whole life. “You’re an only child, cursed with siblings,” his sister had told him, not unkindly. Early forays into conventional romance had ended with less oblique verdicts on his ability to form meaningful connections with other people.

But married women weren’t looking for meaningful connections. Not the ones Harry sought out in coffee shops and morning gym classes, anyway. They wanted to talk and flirt; to fuck in haste and repent at leisure. Most of all, they wanted to feel special – without the risk of ending up in bed with someone who genuinely thought they were. And that suited Harry just fine.


4) Fortunes Told

There he was again, his wagon and strawberry roan mare parked on the green, staring right at her. Ella blushed and averted her eyes, his after-image engraved upon her mind. Determined to speak to him yet rooted to the spot.

Moving slowly, deliberately towards her, his slender, loose hips swaggered in heavy blue jeans.

Persuasively, he beckoned. She followed.

There was a sign on the door –
“Fortunes told.”

Gesturing for her to sit – his white, frayed shirt contrasted against his swarthy complexion, a red neckerchief loosely tied and a loop earring tangled with his wavy black hair – he stroked her palm with long slender fingers, one adorned by a thick gold band.

She looked into his whisky coloured eyes, his generous mouth curved in a smile and Ella inexplicably had a vision. Rather than him predicting her future, she saw his. A thief, who stole young women’s hearts while his was owned by another. The same hand that held hers, caressing plump, soft curves. She could almost smell the musty aroma of sex as she saw him exploring the wet folds of the woman’s cunt. Transfixed by this insight, the face of the girl startled her – Ella recognised herself.


5) No Self-belief

If you’d lined up all the women in the room and asked the men in attendance to rank them in order of attractiveness… well, you’d be doing something incredibly sexist and heteronormative, and the two girls at the end of the line would have started making out before you were half-way done. It would, however, have meant that the two girls would have been forced into close proximity and thus had the chance to start making out. You see, it was a spanking party, and the short, chubby girl in her puffy red skirt had caught the eye of the tall Domme in heels and tight corset. In fact, the Domme had tried to approach her a few times that evening, but Red (as she’d named the pretty sub) had kept ducking her head and moving away. She was pretty sure that it wasn’t that Red didn’t want to talk to her – in fact, she’d have laid a wager that the girl was wet from watching her spank others and imagining getting spanked herself. She’d noticed others approach Red as well and be rebuffed in anxious self-depreciation: the girl clearly had no idea how pretty and desirable she was.


6) Tom Davis

Tom Davis wasn’t an ideal physical specimen. He was balding and had a bit of a gut, but hanging drywall all day made his arms look like warm marble. His bottom lip had a tiny, permanent divot from the toothpick that substituted for the cigarettes he quit twenty years ago. It satisfied his oral fixation and thought it made him look cool.

“It’s my James Dean look,” he’d say. I’d sometimes remind him that Dean was bisexual. He’d say there was “no way a guy who banged Natalie Wood also sucked dick.” I don’t think he hated gay and bi people; he just idolized classic male movie stars. He didn’t hate Latinos either, but he was the type of person who would refer to any Latino as “Mexican.”

He’d make crude sex jokes like, “She’s got the kind of legs I like. Feet on one end, pussy on the other,” and he cursed way too much, but he loved women. We first hooked up at a party when we were both drunk. We became friends with benefits. I knew he wouldn’t be a good husband with his wandering eyes; but, yeah, he was a good fuck.


7) Absent Again

My eyes flutter open. Popcorn ceiling in a shitty motel. It’s happened again.

I turn my head. He’s cute. Thank God he’s asleep.

A breeze from the ceiling fan hardens my exposed nipples and my bare sex is cool against the sheets. Tears threaten to escape my eyes so I roll over, but my shoulder burns when it makes contact with the sheets. Now what?

I slip from the bed and slink toward the bathroom. Four used condoms in the trash can. At least we were safe. I quietly shut the door, praying for a long mirror so I can make a full assessment.

My hair’s been cut to a sharp bob and is dyed raven black. The pain in my shoulder is a brightly colored Ganesh tattoo that looks to be a few days old.

I’ve been absent for awhile. Where am I?

I tiptoe back to the bedside. Hotel phones always have an address. Miami. Damn.

“Good morning Ashley.”

Shit. I won’t tell him that I have no idea who he is, or that my name is Mary.

Just smile Mary, get him out of here and figure out how to get back to Georgia.


8) The Dreamwalker

Pippa was short. Dreamwalkers were never particularly tall, but she barely came up to the height of most salt shakers. Pippa was glad to finally be at the “hands on” portions of the academy, experimenting with dreamscapes. Tonight’s assignment: making people smile in their sleep instead of thrash and grimace, going into nightmares and turning scary into enjoyable.

Sometimes, though, she went a little too far. Like now, perched behind the alarm clock of her assignment for the night, eyes squeezed shut in concentration. The nightmare she was trying to change was standing in front of a large group, trying to get through the nerves to give a speech. Public speaking…ugh. Pippa could sympathize. But it felt easy to change, and so she did— the old “trick” of everyone in their underwear being the first step. But that wasn’t enough for Pippa. With her eyes clenched shut, Pippa weaved a darkened room and a tune into the dream, the underwear-clad audience and the nervous speaker now dancing and writhing against each other in something heart-beatingly fast, fueled by a more primal adrenaline. And if it turned into more of an orgy? Well… her instructors didn’t have to know.


9) I, Will

William considers himself to be one of the beautiful people. In his eyes, clothes are the enemy. They obscure all the gruelling work he puts in at the gym, so why the fuck would he bother wearing them? When his flatmates complain at him for hanging around and hanging out, he just hardens his artfully stubbled jaw, points at the already impressive grower between his thighs and says, blow me. He can’t fathom why none of them ever accepted the invitation. Nobody’s that straight.

Will often sits in his room, imperious, crystalline eyes fixed on the mirror while his surface level thoughts pore over why, despite how hot he is, his relationship with his reflection remains the longest he’s ever had. Will would definitely do Will, so it makes no sense to him that so many people reject him. It’s not like he’s punching above his weight, the idea of it is laughable. But no matter where he sets his sights, the only time he ever gets laid is if he keeps his mouth shut and his wallet open. That’s okay, though. If there’s one thing Will loves more than himself, it’s fucking, and he does it so very well.


10) The Contradiction

The silver flecks in the stubble on his chin and in his short, dark brown hair gave him a slightly weathered look. There were lines around his eyes that spoke more of sadness than of laughter as they looked out from beneath a furrowed brow. They were kind, brown eyes, that spoke of a propensity for dry humour that was echoed in the wry, lopsided, not quite smile that he bestowed upon those on whom his attention fell.

Dark. Brooding. Just the faintest hint of danger; not quite fully veiled behind a mix of quiet strength and vulnerability.

His voice was soft yet clearly heard; although his eyes spoke more than his mouth. They told you his story, his past, while at the same time his penetrating gaze saw what lay beneath the surface; interpreting the subtle signs and tells of those around him.

His shoulders spoke of an easy strength. Large hands conveyed an air of assured gentleness. He wasn’t particularly tall, nor heavily built and yet he clearly had a commanding presence; here was someone who knew where he belonged.

Everything about him drew me to him.

The harsh crack of his belt, snapped me from my reverie.


11) The Watcher

As tokens clanked through the mechanism, the curtain rose. Heart racing, Phillip began milking his swollen cock the second the Asian girl appeared, stretched out on the platform behind the glass, squeezing her tiny black nipped titties. He liked skinny girls. Seeing her name on the board started an erection, and he dropped his greasy jeans in anticipation before depositing the coins.

Once a month, he treated himself to a night at Goldie’s Boutique, the rest of the time, porn, and masturbation while peeping into windows. Phillip had became an expert with his monocular in one hand, penis in the other. The women living at a nearby walled convent didn’t bother to close the drapes anymore, and he had found the perfect spot to watch them.

A dead end job stacking pallets was enough to keep Phillip afloat. His diet of fast food, cigs, and beer had taken its toll and when a few friends showed concern, he was dismissive; they were no longer speaking. A co-worker questioned if he ever showered, “fuck off bitch” was his answer. He was now only welcome at the arcade and a 7-11, as long as he had money.


12) Book Break

Liddy sprawled naked on the couch, her long, muscled legs draped over the armrest. She was restless tonight and tired of reading as she mindlessly twirled strands of her long blonde hair around her finger.
She stopped and looked at her hand, then sucked on her index finger, feeling the raggedness of her torn nail on her tongue. She could taste salt and a hint of garlic, and the motion of her tongue excited her.
She tossed the book onto the floor.

Liddy smiled, transforming her face into an expressive canvas. The small crow’s feet around her pale blue eyes emphasized the emotions she felt, and her laugh-lines accentuated her thin lips. She closed her eyes and began to rub her now-hard nipples. Her breasts had deflated after breast-feeding, but her nipples had grown larger and more sensitive. Liddy’s hands moved over her stomach, and she traced her fingers along the ridges of her stretch marks. They had faded over time and now resembled scars from an animal attack. Usually they weren’t very noticeable, but tonight they stood out in stark relief against her tanned skin.

Liddy moved her hand lower, breathing faster. This was definitely better than reading.


13) Nasty Woman

She’s the sort of woman your mother warns you about but looking at her you’d never know.
By day, she’s one face of many; no-one notices her as she juggles executive small talk with endless meetings. Hair and makeup refined, modest attire… she’s nondescript, softly-spoken. Nice. Afraid to be herself.

At night-time she changes: she’s wilder, less inhibited. She’s hungry to fuck and be fucked, to suck cock, to feast on pussy. She craves intimate human connection, owns her desires.

With pickup skills honed by years of conference stays, she rarely spends those nights alone. Sitting in the hotel bar afterhours, watching for a suitable night-time companion or two, her lipstick is just enough to leave a carmine slash on her glass of G&T; a calling card. It’s never failed her yet.

In the hotel bedroom, she’s chameleonic, a switch. Dispensing and demanding pleasure. She’s unafraid to articulate her hunger, enables other to explore theirs. Her orgasms are a violent release.

Home alone, they’re more elusive. She’ll frantically work her clit, flicking through her mental Rolodex of encounters. When she climaxes it’s not release, it’s surrender, tears flowing as her cunt clenches and she remembers who she wants to be.


14) Emon Jones

Character is power. That’s what Emon’s mother had always told him growing up, character is power. He tried to be a man of character, a son she could have been proud of. In her eyes he was perfect, the perfect son, smart and handsome, he could do no wrong. She would surely turn in her grave if she could see him now.

He was blessed with the best looks from both his parents. Tall muscular build and chocolate skin from his father, green eyes and soft features from his mother. Having lived in New York for the past 20 years, his accent still hinted more of the German from his primary school days than the Japanese he was born to or any of his neighbours.

Emon was different, exotic some called it, but he was still as tough and cut-throat as any of his mob brothers. He could see a con coming a mile away and he knew how to break it down. Some had underestimated him in the past, but it didn’t take long before he gained a reputation that ensured nobody would make that mistake again. Character is power after all.


15) Play Date

He just left. My husband’s out of town so I don’t bother to remake the bed.

I smooth my hair out. I check that a healthy snack is in my bag. I’ve got the right jeans, the right boots, the right casual plaid shirt and down vest so that I look nice, but not too nice. The perfect suburban mom uniform in this neighborhood.

I’m off to kindergarten pick-up and then the playground. Play dates with our kids are the only way we can see each other socially. For all the stolen school hours we spend in bed together, we love the thrill of being together out in public, too, knowing we have a secret. It would be scandalous in our little group. He’s the hottest dad on the playground. The one all the other moms fantasize about while I smile and muse, “Yes, I suppose he’s alright.”

Some days the playground is so crowded we can’t say more than pleasantries. Other days, with fewer people, we can dare to sit on a bench together and let our hands touch. Either way, the tension turns me to jelly and makes me eager for our next private encounter.


16) Sibling rivalry

Angela looked across the room; on the surface Penelope radiated sophistication and charm. She looked every bit the beautiful hostess with her stylishly shaped blond hair, carefully applied makes up and elegant dress. However there something about Penelope others were unaware.

Seeing her sister for the first time in years caused memories to fill her mind as hot tears formed in Angela’s eyes. Penelope had been a spoilt child, over indulged by their parents even after Angela’s arrival. Without boundaries or apparent insight into her unacceptable behaviour, she soon moved on to taking things that were clearly not hers. First toys, games and music, Penelope then formed a preference for Angela’s friends over her own.

The final straw was the humiliating day when Angela discovered her sister in bed with her boyfriend Tom. She kneeling astride him, his cock deep inside the jezebel’s cunt, his large soft hands firmly gripping Penelope’s breasts. Angela had turned and fled. No one, other than the deceitful pair knew why Angela had relocated so suddenly.

Time had not healed the contempt Angela felt or her desire for revenge. With her face firmly set, lips flat and teeth clenched she walked towards Penelope.


17) You’re Perfect

We met at the beach, knee deep in the rising tide. You were the fifth wheel, dragged along by the riptide of your paired-up friends. And when they splashed deeper in they didn’t notice you hesitate. But I did.
You were wearing a sunny yellow wrap that covered you from hip to knee. The fringe floated around you with the waves and you slipped your thumb through the knot that held it together.
“Want me to take that back to your towel?” I asked and you jumped like a guilty cat. “You might lose it out there.”
“I don’t feel like swimming.” You said, pushing your sunglasses up. You gave one last glance at the couples playing risky games below the surf before taking me back to shore.

You hesitated again when I ran my hand up your thigh, beneath that yellow wrap.
“Wait,” you whispered, “I’ll turn over.” I shook my head and inched the fabric up, revealing why you wouldn’t swim. Your face burned as you buried it in the back seat, your arms tucked tight against your bare chest so defensively.
Lace-like patterns of scars decorated your skin and…
I kissed every last one.


18) Thoroughly Nailed

Lenn welcomed the whirring sound as the med-bot scanned over her five feet, six inches of pampered flesh. Though she was naked and bound in stirrups, she didn’t fight the restraints. She was still alive, and her plans were in motion. Nothing else mattered, not even the magistrate who stood between her legs, eagerly stroking his cock while he awaited the end of her med evaluation.

“The chemical-stasis protocol has been reversed for inmate #Bravo-831-Alpha-72, formerly known as Lennox Manse, executed by lethal injection and assumed dead. All vitals are within normal range. This completes the examination.”

Lenn knew his objective—hell, she’d orchestrated it—so she was wet when he plunged deep inside her. Once a royal concubine, she was used to using sex as a negotiation tool. She’d learned that with it, men were more controllable and less likely to be aware of a woman’s scheming.

To secure her freedom, she’d murdered her king in his bed, then seduced his magistrate into faking her execution. Ever resourceful, Lenn knew when and how to land on her back. Yes, she’d allow him to pound her for now, but it would be his coffin being nailed soon enough.


19) Curved Fire

When asked to describe Morgan Black, most people will call her a firecracker. No one could have predicted that such fire lives within her 5’2″ frame. Her thick, blonde hair cascades in waves down past her shoulders and her deep blue eyes sparkle with laughter and mischief. They will tell you she has a contagious laugh and is always the one with the dirtiest mind and the quickest wit in the room. She dresses impeccably for work with her manicured feet wearing stilettos and her make up done perfectly.

What most people don’t know is that Morgan has a secret. She loves sexy lingerie. Under that business attire, you will find bustiers, corsets, stockings, garters, cheeky panties and at times, no panties at all. She loves her naughty secret and smiles when she thinks her fellow businessmen have caught a glimpse. That look on their face when they see something they think was accidental is priceless. Plus, it is a huge boost to her battered self-esteem. Though most call her curvaceous figure and large breasts stunning, she has a hard time believing that about herself.


20) Barely There

I hardly noticed Alice: short, quiet; hiding under greatcoats, hoodies and beanies; always slouching, eyes down.
But so focused. She always arrived early, stared at the professor, pale fingers tapping out notes, then left the moment the lectures ended. No one saw her anywhere except classes and the library.
I wore a BDSM tee one day; the only time I saw her look directly at another student. She turned her intense, sea-green stare on me.
That night, she knocked on my door. I let her in, she shucked off her coat and stammered, “S-spank me?”
So cheesy, I’d have laughed if she’d left me any breath.
High, full breasts with tiny, pale nipples; a hint of a waist; a taut, convex swell of belly; wide hips flowing into rotund thighs.
No angles, just glorious arcs of milk-white skin.
I dragged my gaze up: to long, poker-straight flames she hid under hats; to glinting, emerald eyes; to a nervous, gap-toothed, grimace of a smile.
I nodded. “Okay.”
Small, pink spots on her cheeks spread like the fire in her hair. The smile became panic. She grabbed her coat, squeaked “Sorry” as she brushed past and she was gone.


21) Attention Whore

“Don’t start with me,” Andrew says, sharp and low, and Luke doesn’t bother hiding a shiteating grin even as he settles obediently on his knees in front of Andrew.

“Start what?” Luke asks innocently, wrists crossing behind his back in a parody of submission, sarcasm in every line of his perfectly posed body. “I’m offended, Drew. I’m never anything but well-behaved for my Daddy.”

Andrew snorts, but an indulgent smile is catching at the corners of his mouth. Luke’s the worst sub he’s ever had, a bigger brat than any spoiled little or naughty pup he’s ever collared for the weekend. He follows orders, but never in the spirit they’re given, and discipline only seems to encourage him. “Right,” Andrew says, and tucks a ballgag into Luke’s mouth.

Luke’s eyebrows knit but he doesn’t fuss.

“I’ve got your number,” Andrew says, but truthfully he can only guess at Luke’s motives. Maybe he didn’t get enough attention as a kid, and the need’s followed him all the way into his late forties. Maybe it’s his way of deflecting intimacy. Maybe he’s just an asshole. “You’re gonna sit there,” Andrew continues, giving Luke’s head a pat, “Until I’m done with my taxes.”


22) Thick Skin

She’s waiting in the hotel lobby for him. She’s cut her hair; a short, spiky, boyish crop, naturally red again after all those years of suicide black. Dyed by her own hand she’d joke. It made her look young, younger than when they’d first met.

She smiles at him, that lop-sided smile, eases up out of the chair, faded-denim eyes holding his as she nods towards the bank of elevators by the front desk. Her heels clip the lobby’s faux marble floor in a staccato tattoo as she moves sinuously to her own music, the battered red leather coat brushing the tops of her boots masks her body from prying eyes but that sway as she walks, oh that sway, promises so much.

Every eye, male and female, tracks her, expels an involuntary grunt of craving as she stabs the elevator call button with a long, crimson-nailed finger, the polish chipped, pitted. Her coat sleeve rides up, exposing old, ragged wounds.

He remembers that night with the broken bottle, desperate, ecstatic tears of release streaking her face as she dug into her own flesh. Only scar tissue gives you thicker skin; perfection gained through practice, precision.


23) Primal Huntress

When she walks into the small meeting room, she sees immediate compliance in everyone’s eyes. They respect and fear her. The short, dark hair and slim frame reminds you of an image of a forest pixie. Behind large frames, there are eyes bearing a peaceful shade of blue, but hide a kind of ferocity. She’s a great employee, but her associates would never slight her. Everyone around the office knows Jamie is the kind of girl who gets her way, or blows her gasket.

As she walks past you in the office, wearing the formal suit and skirt of a future executive, you’d think she’d caught the eye of nearly every man, and many women as well. You’d be correct, and she’s slept with a lot of them already. But all of them weren’t enough to satisfy the primal, voracious woman she became behind closed doors. This kitty often tore them apart with her claws before finding satisfaction. So you avert your gaze, lest you be struck by her icy glance, or worse: be seduced by her. Meanwhile, Jamie continues to hunt. Not looking for her next prey, but for the alpha that would finally best her.


24) Tripped Up

Maisie and I had a love of cinema and kinky screenings.

She was tall and skinny. Always in black with chunky DMs and a wedge of dark spiky hair on top. She told me she wore black because she was in mourning for her thirty years of life. Her laughter at saying this caused her to rattle worryingly. We’d met at the National Film Theatre where she’d been lecturing. I’d tripped over her huge bag in the bar and she’d laughed at my clumsiness and then kindly bought me a drink.

She’d come round to my place and from that bag, she would fetch DVDs and various items from her collection of kinky paraphernalia. Maisie prided herself on matching a kink with a film.

“Are you all right down there?” She once asked as I licked her out during ‘Satan’s Tango’. “Don’t worry, you haven’t missed much.” Cue laughter.

She had often doubted her abilities and one day her humour and strength completely vanished.
“I’m so sorry.” she said
“For what Maisie?”
“I don’t know.”
I held her fragile body in my arms and felt the spikes of her hair prick my face. Cue tears.


25) Middle Mike

Mike Andrews was a man not be trifled with. His face was always contorted – scrunched up – like someone had farted in the lift he’d just come out of. He wore plain wire rimmed glasses that looked great in the catalogue but did nothing for him. But they matched his black hair, which was short, thin and wirey. Maybe if he dressed better he’d have more luck with women, but he didn’t. He bought all his clothes from TopMan, which was bearable when he was twenty but ridiculous now he was thirty.

When Mike looked in the mirror he saw a smart dressed middle management executive at a leading bank. When others looked at him they saw a man in an ill fitting suit with rounded shoulders and dull gray eyes. He would walk briskly around the office floor, imagining himself as some dynamic individual in an Aaron Sorkin show, but to his coworkers he just seemed pissed off and angry all the time. When he spoke it was in a droning monotone but the minute you responded he would start shouting, tell you you were wrong, and to just bloody get on with it. He was that type of guy.


26) Looking Back

Orpheus’s chestnut curls and soulful eyes made him irresistible. So when Agave held a bacchanal she invited him. He was a musician, and she’d heard him perform often enough to know that his performances meant there wasn’t a dry eye or dry panties in the audience. They talked deeply about his music and her new religious interests. He listened to her, his dark eyes trained on hers and his full lips curving and pursing in response. She leaned close to him and said “I want to kiss you.” He blushed, charmingly. However, his kiss was anything but naïve. Agave could feel that kiss in her toes. The firm press of his lips moved from her mouth to her neck. His hands, those confident musician’s hands were under her skirt, teasing her until her thighs were soaked in desire. Shimming out of her panties, straddling his lap, she impaled herself on his hard cock. She rode him hard, both of them frenzied. Her nails racked his skin and she tore at his hair, wanting this to be more. But she knew that he’d never move on; never move forward from his ex-wife. He was always looking back.


27) Closer Look

The trod of Paul’s foot as he walked across any surface always heralded his entry. A heavy black lift in his shoe brought both legs nearly level, but nothing could hide the limp.

She loathed the way they stared at him as he crossed the room, seeing only that humped man who didn’t belong instead of the way his eyes lit up. The talk dimmed as he shuffled by to their table and their haughty stares grated at her. Paul never noticed, never seemed to care. That laser focus, the one he used to crack complex code, was all on her.

What their pitying stares missed, she always saw. They missed the way his hazel eyes changed like quicksilver as his lips took control of hers, kissing her with careful command when he reached her. They missed his piano playing fingers, long and warm, brushing higher and higher up her thigh. They missed the sensuous curl of his mouth, unaware of the capable way his fingers fucked into her, patient and precise, seeking out her orgasm until she trembled with it.

They saw disqualifying weakness, but she saw a man with the strength to lift her to heaven.


28) Spiral Eyes

She’s a passing pleasure. A voice like honey. Her eyes are dark like liquid amber with flecks of emerald. You stare. She is mesmerizing. A flick of her pink hair, or is it orange, it shifts in the light,
but you know she will never be yours. You’ll keep trying to be her best slave. You do whatever her crimson lips ask. She makes you feel alive as you watch her sway as she talks. You know its that voice that mesmerizes you.
She told you, “I’m good at this when I don’t have to worry about a relationship.”
You hang up the phone and close your laptop. Long distance camgirl relationships are always a drag.
She flicks her hair it glows orange as her new guest takes up her time.She takes a drag on vape as he types.
“Hello,” she says softly.


29) Weak Flesh

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been three days since my last confession.”
Father Robson sits in the confessional, his soft, pale hands folded in his lap.
“Yes, my child, what is your sin?”
“I struck my son, Father. He tried my patience and I struck him.”
The priest’s hands slide beneath his robe as the penitent’s whispers curl through the latticed screen between them. He shifts his tremendous bulk in the hard seat closing his dark eyes, heavy lashes fluttering as she explains. He begins to stroke himself, hardly listening, thinking only of how the nuns beat him as a boy; the pleasure and the searing pain of their rods and straps. The rough wool of his vestments chafe his sweating thighs and hairy belly and he is transported by the smells of incense and the musty wood of the booth. His cock swells, dribbling at the memories, it strains as the guilt washes over him.
“Father? My penance?”
He mumbles, desperate to finish.
“Ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers.”
He slides the divider closed and bites his lip, tasting blood, semen soiling the fabric of his holy robes.
It’s been three days since his last orgasm.


30) In Process

He can hear them. Heavy breathing, rhythmic thumping, “fuck baby… yes… like that.” He presses his ear against the wall and hears the smack. He pictures her round white ass quivering and his cock jumps against his perfectly pressed khakis. His glasses dig uncomfortably into his nose as he strains against the wall, dropping the crumpled papers. He checks his watch. She’s whimpering, she’s getting close. This is the third time he’s heard her cum. He rubs his bulging crotch against the hard wooden surface, feeling the shudder of the headboard crashing against the wall. As she shrieks, he groans loudly and falls to the ground, a wet spot spreading to the left of his zipper. There’s immediate silence inside as he frantically fumbles for the papers but his glasses are so steamed up he can’t see anything. The door suddenly flies open and she towers over him, bare shoulders sliding out of her robe. “What is this!?”

“Are… are you Ivanka Trump?” he stutters.

She smooths her blond hair and pulls her robe tight. “Obviously. How did you get in here?”

He covers his wet spot with one hand as he holds out the subpoena. “You’ve been served.”


31) Gift Opening

He always wondered what the tattoo was that barely peaked above the waist of her jeans. Tonight he got the chance to see it in full, the tiger head in the shape of a butterfly. Strong, beautiful, and graceful; just like Calissa herself.

As he watched her undress, he couldn’t help but notice his cock coming to life. Calissa was beautiful, he thought to himself. He didn’t understand how he was the only one to see it. The way her crooked smile lit up the room, her slight underbite giving her the sexiest of smirks, and those sweet milk chocolate eyes that made him drown in lust every time she looked at him.

Slowly she unwrapped herself for him, each layer of clothing that was removed made Calissa one step closer to being his special gift. She kept his gaze, her seductive brown eyes locking onto his, her vision traveling down to his waist. She grinned at the sight of the bulge that was begging to be free from the confines of his jeans, anticipating the feeling of having him inside her later.

Neither of them were perfect, but they were perfect together.


32) Unrecognisable Reflection

The train jolted, an Agent Provocateur bag slipping from her knees and emptying black lace onto the filthy floor.

“Shit!”

Her cheeks turned to the colour of Wendy’s favourite lipstick. The one she fondly remembered scrubbing off her torso that morning. She flicked her eyes from one end of the carriage to the other, no one had bothered glancing up from their phone. Maybe if she put the plunging teddy on and danced the Cha-Cha on her seat they might look up? Probably not. The fluorescent pink strap-on might get their attention though.

Her heart leapt as she caught a glimpse of her unrecognisable reflection, with grey hair speckling black velvet locks. Laughter lines had simply turned to lines, spreading like a spider was weaving a fine web over her skin. Her lips were thinner, but the rest of her had grown; her stomach, her neck, those relentless whiskers she got for her 35th birthday with no receipt.

She much preferred her reflection in the hungry glow of Wendy’s eyes, as the world disappeared in a haze of youthful lust. Just as they had years before, in a damp-ridden studio apartment. She smiled, some things had definitely improved with time.


33) First date

Naomi impatiently swirled her hand through the tepid water in the pot and realized she was likely to be late. The kitchen clock, right down to its Minnie Mouse face, taunts her. A lover Naomi once kept waiting gifted the advice to set such a clock fast. His mansplaining the importance of being on time were the death knell to their brief affair. Even so Naomi had changed the clock, apparently to minor effect. It was obviously a failing guarantor against an inevitable tendency to run out of time. In a short thirty minutes she was meant to be in a dark little bar and drowning in cheesy rock. Adam suggested the bar, and Naomi wasn’t thinking when she said yes. As she ambled, tea in hand, through the hallway and its untidy borders formed of clutter, Naomi thought about what inspiration lay behind that rare moment of agreeableness. Their one night together last weekend promised almost impossible pleasure for tonight. Was it that? Naomi recalled the thrill of having blown his mind, and lingered on the thought of doing the same very soon.


34) One thing

Her friends love her because, when she’s with them, she doesn’t seem like a mother at all. Even when she brings the baby, she’s still Katy. It’s just that now her tits are on show for a different reason.

Tonight, she’s childfree. Tonight she’s late. Tonight she has that just-fucked look in her eyes.

Tom follows her, clutching a bottle of red. He’s wearing jeans, a checked shirt, and, as of thirty minutes earlier, Katy’s juices, smeared from jaw to collarbone.

‘Filthy boy,’ she’d said, fingers on his neck as she lifted herself off his cock. ‘Filthy, filthy boy.’

At dinner, the wine flows. The laughter grows louder, the conversation sillier. They play ‘I have never,’ and Katy has done it all. Anal sex? Obviously. Threesome? That too.

During spin the bottle she winds up kissing Mike. Mike is her best friend’s husband. Nobody minds. Kissing boys is what Katy does.

The evening winds down. They drink coffee. Someone asks, ‘Bit dark, but if you could only save one thing in a fire, what would it be?’

‘Tom,’ Katie says, when it’s her turn to answer. ‘Obviously.’

Her friends are silent.

She doesn’t seem like a mother at all.


35) Secret Coquette

Iris was older than her innocuous blue eyes let on. She liked her privacy; but she liked to be watched.

She’d catch her reflection in a shop window, catch a man watching. Her tongue would dart out to lick her lips, her eyes fastened on his. She’d turn down a corner in the next instant.

Iris shelved books at a library branch in a rec centre by the river. Soothing work, quiet and alone, but she was always watching, because she liked to be watched. Liked to see a man from the street come by. She’d pull down her shirt, ease the lace of her bra over her rosy nipples. She’d give her shoulders a shimmy, but she’d be slipping away before he could touch her.

Did they watch her walk home? When she stopped to buy an ice cream, did they long for her mouth to cover their cocks instead? She’d hum and scoop cream with her tongue.

At home, she’d leave her curtains open. Hoped a man would spy her after her bath, drink in her generous curves. Hoped quietly that one day he’d come in. Iris would lick her fingers and begin to play with herself.


36) The Wolf

Michael brushed the young woman’s nipples lightly as she slept.

He caught his reflection in the closet mirror. In the blush of sunrise, the white and silver strands in his rumpled blond hair appeared as highlights rather than age, and the creases around his eyes and mouth added depth and expression instead of years.

It wasn’t fair, he knew, to leave her like this. But the perfect scent of her youth was already fading. He’d done his damage — the imprint of his hand on her round backside, the spreading of her tight cunt, the tears she’d cry when she woke alone.

His weakness for virginity was pronounced, and his tastes were specific: eighteen to twenty, slim hips, red hair.

He loved to lure them, seduce them, and then plunge his cock through the veil of their morality, making them beg for things that shamed them.

Knowing he was the first to dampen their thighs, the first to bruise their breasts with his hungry grip…intoxicated him.

And as much as he hated to admit it, he loved to abandon them, knowing they’d never be the same.


37) Bumbling Beauty

Dezi stubbed her toe on the door jamb as she hurried to her dressing room.
“Hecky darn!” she yelped and hopped to her vanity decorated with yellowing beauty pageant ribbons. She pinned her bottled blonde hair on top of her head and stray curls framed her delicate features.
She painted her lips pearly pink, blew herself a kiss in the mirror, and raced to the stage. The tightly laced scarlet corset strained to contain her luscious tits and pin-up girl curves.
Showtime.
“Gentleman! The Brass Ass is proud to present our very own Miss Dezmariah Jones!”
The crowd cheered as Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” blasted through the speakers. Dezi stumbled forward in her stiletto heels as she blinked into the spotlight. Her smile dazzled her admirers, and she slowly ran her hands down her body. Eager patrons waved bills in the air.
Dezi spun to slap her ass and plowed straight into the pole. The regulars exploded with laughter, and money exchanged hands as side bets were settled. She rubbed her nose, squared her shoulders, and began to gyrate her hips. She was offbeat and tottering, but the audience begged for more as they emptied their pockets into her waiting g-string.


38) Caveat Venditor

I stand in front of Gage. My mouth is already watering at the sight of him. There isn’t an ounce of fat on him, as far as I can see. Every muscle on him is chiseled to perfection, lashed to his bones by the sinews and veins that stand out on his tan skin.

Blue eyes burn from under a shock of artfully messy dark hair. They dare me to look down, and since I’m not here to discuss Jane Austen I do. There, between a complicated prosthesis and a muscular right leg, hangs the most magnificent cock I’ve ever seen. It lies thick and heavy, already long even if he isn’t quite hard yet.

I drag my gaze slowly back up his long, chiseled torso. I can’t wait to run my tongue down his perfect abs. I bet he tastes like maple syrup.

A guy like this shouldn’t have to resort to a guy like me. A guy like this should be able to get whatever he wants, men or women or whoever, at the snap of his fingers. Maybe that isn’t what he wants. Maybe he wants to pay for it. That works out fine for me.


39) Body Image

Jace had a love/hate relationship with Aaron’s bedroom mirror. Watching Aaron fuck him in it? That he definitely loved. Now? Alone with it? Lights on, clothes off? “Hate” was a strong word, but he wasn’t always sure the mirror loved him back.

Was he this big? He’d always just assumed some part of his moneyed upbringing, his education, his rank frat-boy privilege would kick in and keep him from gorging himself into these outlying, uncharted realms of obesity. By the time Aaron copped to it—that maybe he hadn’t “tolerated” the expansion of Jace’s body so much as he’d gleefully facilitated it with cookies and pizza and extra bacon on everything because he liked a man with a little meat on his bones—Jace had grown enamored of inactivity, and the extra that so excited Aaron was easily added, until some days it was the weight of What Might Have Been he struggled to carry.

Then Aaron came back, all roving hands and hard-on, and the mirror cleared. The recrimination that had clouded its corners evaporated. Instead Jace saw there was no body he’d rather inhabit than whichever swollen, sweaty one would drive a guy like Aaron mad with want.


25 thoughts on “Smut Marathon 2018: Voting Round #3

  1. 1- good story for the simple fact that I had a visceral reaction to her. I disliked her immensely and I really can’t explain it better than that, 5- she’s written as this possibly sexy girl who doesn’t realize it. What woman can’t identify with that? The issue I had is the first part of the story and the second don’t mesh well. 7- this would make an awesome start to a story. She’s got a history I want to know about. 11- man, is he gross. That came across loud and clear.

  2. # 4 I love, love, love “Fortune’s Told” – it’s sexy and subtle. The description of the fortune teller is the perfect balance between giving me an idea of what he looks like, without being a police bulletin. I love that the flaw is something that doesn’t make the character dislikable –

    #8 “Dream Walker” – Obviously, I’m a fan of the paranormal, so this is perfect for me. It is a charming idea to have this dream creature’s flaw be to make sexy dreams. I love that this was about Pippa’s personality and not her appearance.

    #20 “Barely There” – this is a brilliant piece. I admit that I may be biased as I went to university with a young woman like this (and I’ve always wanted to write a story about her). I can not only see her, but empathize with her.

  3. I chose “Bumbling Beauty” (fun and a great start to a story), “Middle Mike” (Haven’t we all met someone like that?), and “Tom Davis” (Again, haven’t we all met someone like that?).

    Many of the characters described didn’t have much in the way of “imperfection” apart from being older or having a secret sex life (i.e., “Play Date,” “Nasty Woman”). There were also some (like “Fucking Perfect”) in which I wasn’t sure which character the author was trying to describe. Others had too much showing and not telling (i.e., “Curved Fire”)

  4. When I have to read many things and then choose, I have a simple strategy. I skim first. Things that grab my eye – great first lines or last lines, good titles – I go back to those first. Then I go through and read them all, but by then, anything that hasn’t already caught my eye has to work pretty hard to overshadow things I have already chosen. That means amazing vocabulary or phrases, a surprise twist hidden somewhere in the depths. Most of the time, I end up choosing based on my first gut instincts. For this one, the disqualifiers were lack of originality and/or not being a true character sketch. Many of these were well-written, but when the competition is high, one must stand out in the herd. I’m not sure my own piece did that, but here a few that did:

    17) You’re Perfect – While not a true character sketch, in my opinion, this one struck a chord with me. This assignment didn’t require that a whole story be told, but this one does just that, while still allowing me enough description to make me care about the characters and their possible back-stories. I get a taste of the characters, and sense of motivation. Given the brevity of this assignment, I felt like that was enough to make this one a winner.
    21) Attention Whore – This one made me laugh. The dialogue was good, and the characters were developed just enough to speak of something deeper. I like that both of these characters are flawed, as neither is a very “good” sub or Dom.
    27) Closer Look – Original characters with unexpected “weaknesses” or flaws draw my attention. This one had that. Plus, it was well-written and romantic, both qualities for which I am a sucker.
    29) Weak Flesh – Also, unexpected, this one left me feeling uncomfortable – which isn’t a bad thing. I liked the connection between the opening dialogue and the last line.
    34) One Thing – This was another that left me with a bad taste in my mouth. What a hideous character. But I love her. And I love how this writer drew me right into that hateful last line. A perfect example of terrible beauty in writing. This was my favorite piece. It also had that first/last line connection. Obviously, this is something I like about short writing. It’s a common technique in poetry, too.
    37) Bumbling Beauty – This one also made me laugh. Humor is great, when not over-done. I think this piece manages that well.
    39) Body Image – I think as far as a true character sketch, this one hits the nail on the head. It was original, well-written, and fleshed out as best as 200 words will allow.

    I watch carefully for errors and word repetition. I know that makes some people crazy, but, much like a resume, if a mistake is made when the stakes are high, it shows a lack of attention being paid to detail.

    Also, several of these were just not what I’d call original. The assignment didn’t ask for original, but my expectations were high in that regard, especially with the stiff competition.

    And still others tried too hard to be a story, throwing in specific details that brought up too many questions for me to fall in love with the character – Tripped Up, Thick Skin, Barely There, Thoroughly Nailed, The Watcher, Absent Again, Fortunes Told. All of these were stories just begging to be told…stories I would, in fact, like to read. But, for this assignment, I ended up passing them over because of unnecessary details that didn’t add to the sketch, but rather drew my attention away and made me wonder about things that were not pertinent to this 200 words.

    Finally, there were a few I just didn’t like…for purely personal reasons.

    I can’t imagine the difficulty the judges are having with this.

  5. 1. This sounds much more like a third-person observation than a character sketch. Also, when creating an imperfect character, it’s a bit counter-intuitive to describe her as ‘perfect’. I suspect the imperfection you might have been going for was the fact she was married to a dull man, but that’s not really her imperfection, it’s his.
    2. I like how you used a lack of mindfulness as an imperfection. However, there’s not much describing who this man is. It seems to focus more on what’s happening in the scene, rather than who’s in it.
    3. This one I like. I can get an idea of who this man is, and still tell there’s a larger story behind him. It makes me want to know more.
    4. I like the scene you’ve created here, but there seems to be a lot of back and forth between the two people here. It’s difficult to distinguish which of the two your character sketch is specifically about.
    5. This was good, but I think there could have been a lot more said about Red.
    6. Love this one! He sounds very real, and describing him in his occupation helps paint a picture that’s descriptive without needing too many descriptors. That’s clever of you.
    7. This is a great description of the character, but I feel it’s more of a story fragment than a character sketch.
    8. A wet-dream fairy? Creative! I love your concept, but I think it could have been improved more by describing how Pippa’s job relates to her personality more. Maybe she delights in knowing she made the dream more sexual?
    9. Well done, but one or two more physical descriptors would have helped. Minor note: you probably could have added some quotations around ‘blow me’.
    10. Wow!! So eloquent! I absolutely loved the linking of his physical traits with his personality traits. I will be very frickin’ surprised if you don’t get a high score this round. Bravo!!
    11. I love how vivid this character is, but aside from his dirty clothes, I have no other physical image of him.
    12. Very erotic, and I like the direction this is taking. But I’d like to see who she is inside, as well as on the outside.
    13. I like this one a lot. She’s free-spirited, voracious, but still has a hole in her life. I can see her, and also pity her. Well done!
    14. Not bad! I like this one, but I’d like to learn more about his character.
    15. Really nice! I want to learn more about her dalliances, and where they will lead her.
    16. This is good, but it’s difficult to tell if your character sketch is about Penelope, or Angela.
    17. I like your second-person perspective in your character’s description. But I want to know more about his personality too.
    18. I like the developing story here, and wanna learn more. But I’ve got very little on Lenn’s appearance, other than her height. You also used ‘his’ at the start of the third paragraph.
    19. I thought this was very well done. But delighting in flaunting her lingerie and also having a poor self-image doesn’t seem believable. Perhaps a different flaw would have been better.
    20. I like this, but there seems to be a whole lot going on appearance-wise.
    21. This character sketch seems to split between Andrew and Luke. I can’t quite tell which one this sketch is about.
    22. I get a very clear picture of this woman. I could do with some more about her personality, but I still get an idea of who she is.
    23. My entry.
    24. I like Maisie. I think we all know someone like her, and that’s why her character seems so vivid and believable. However, the sudden mood change at the end seems a little forced. Still, I want to know more. So good job!
    25. Aside from one or two errors, this is a great character sketch! I like that you gave him the illusion of being in an Aaron Sorkin show.
    26. Pretty hot, I’ll admit. But this is really more of a story in progress, rather than a character sketch. I want to know about the character, not the story they’re in.
    27. I like the relations between the physical things other people see, and the true self only loving eyes see. I get a great picture of who he is intimately. Well done!
    28. This could have used some more work. There’s quite a few grammatical errors, and it seems you had an extra 50 words you could have added. I would have liked to learn more about her.
    29. This is certainly interesting. I wish I could learn more about him, though.
    30.Very funny! But can you tell me more about who the man is?
    31. This was a very nice entry. A bit more description of what he knew about her as a person would have helped, though.
    32. I like how you describe a bit of her personality through her actions (or the actions she thought of doing), as well as give us clear picture of her face.
    33. You have a great ability to portray your character through their actions, but I’m not really seeing them physically.
    34. This is a great sketch. I learn a lot about Katy, but it’s just shy of a good physical appearance. The timeline seems to jump a bit back and forth, too. They’re walking down the street, post-sex. And then we rewind to when they did have sex, and fast-forward again to dinner.
    35. Nicely done. I like the little game she plays with men and that says a bit more about her personality.
    36. This is good, but you kinda put more emphasis on the women, rather than the character.
    37. ‘Hecky Darn’ made me laugh! This was a good one, but I would have liked to know more than just the fact she’s an exotic dancer. Also, I’m not sure I see the imperfection.
    38. Excellent, but it still needs something to showcase his personality.
    39. This is a great example of telling the reader about a character by using details of their past. Well done.

  6. 18. I’m a sucker for sci-fi and a scheming protagonist, so I was intrigued by this from the start. It felt like there was sufficient detail in the story to flesh out some sort of backstory and the character of Lenn was well enough developed that you could identify with her ruthlessness as well as her predicament.
    20. I’m not sure who I loved the most Alice with her shyness and gorgeous body hidden under the mundane clothing, or the narrator who appreciated her. It was such a clever twist to have her run away at the end. Delicious.
    21. I love a tale (tail) with a twist in it and this captured me from the start. I love the brattiness and familiarity – these two seemed like real people. And the taxes OMG – the taxes! Brilliant. Woof.
    30. Haha! Loved it, such a very clever story. I loved the process server but struggled with the Ivanka Trump part.
    34. Ouch! Very clever story. Denouement made me whince.
    37. This story was cute and funny and just a tad poignant. Dezi reminded me so much of other people I know who are clutzes. But she’s a trooper you can tell.

    Thanks everyone so many brilliant stories. Good luck for the next round!

  7. I’ve only given feedback for some of the stories below, but on reading through them all, I realised I was judging them on four main criteria, which were as follows:

    1) Was the character aware of their flaw? (More interesting to me if they were, than if it was just observed by a second character)
    2) How had the word ‘flaw’ been interpreted? Was it something that is pretty universally seen as a flaw, such as infidelity, or one projected by society, such as in the stories that dealt with disability or self harm? Both had potential to be interesting, but the latter tended to cause a more emotional reaction in me, which was both good and bad. More on this in my specific comments below.
    3) Was it erotic?
    4) Was the ending satisfying? (Because I thought this was particularly difficult, given the word limit)
    5) Was there anything else clever about it/did I feel it was an unusual take on the theme?

    The stories which I felt most compelled to comment on (in numeric order), were the following:

    3) The Hunter – Although I felt this tackled a fairly standard and generic flaw, I liked the paragraph that began ‘Harry had strived for simplicity and emotional self-reliance his whole life. “You’re an only child, cursed with siblings,” his sister had told him, not unkindly.’ I kind of wished the paragraph had ended there though, the sentence that followed, ‘Early forays into conventional romance had ended with less oblique verdicts on his ability to form meaningful connections with other people’ was a bit too wordy and detracted from the impact, for me.

    4) Fortunes Told – In both this round and the last, I’ve been drawn to the pieces on this topic. I guess maybe it’s just inherently sexy! I’m not sure this piece does anything truly surprising, and it’s not overly clear whether the horse or the man is staring at her, but the detail about the horse draws the reader into the piece immediately and it’s an entire, satisfying story, which, given the word limit, is super impressive.

    5) No Self Belief – Ultimately, I found this piece confusing, so it didn’t work for me as an overall story, but the first line was so unexpected that it intrigued me nonetheless, even though I wondered what the point of the men it references was, given that they don’t reappear in the story. I also wasn’t totally clear on what the flaw/who the flawed character was.

    6) Tom Davis – Great physical description of the character in the first paragraph – I really liked this. The narrator’s voice intruded for me too much in subsequent paragraphs however, and I didn’t really like the ending – I guess I was hoping for a twist. Also, given the limited word count, the title might contribute more to the piece if it wasn’t just the character’s name.

    9) I, Will – Okay, this is very strong, I think. It’s a safe bet as far as choice of flaw goes, as nobody is likely to mind a piece that showcases an obnoxious and privileged man, but it’s executed really well. Nice variety of sentence lengths in the first paragraph makes it a pleasure to read and I liked ‘Will would definitely do Will.’ I kind of thought the last sentence was weaker than the rest of the piece though and wished it had ended a sentence earlier.

    13) Nasty Woman – As with 3), I thought this was a fairly safe flaw to tackle, which for me meant it was good but not outstanding. The last paragraph though, was more unexpected, and gave the piece much more impact than it would otherwise have had.

    17) You’re Perfect – I had a hard time with the sketches in this round that tackled disability, because it’s something I struggle with personally, so I couldn’t help but wonder how someone who was scarred or self-harmed might react to this. That said, I think it’s a brave ‘flaw’ to dare to tackle and I liked this as a piece of writing. What would have raised it to outstanding for me would be the ‘flawed’ character making their peace with their flaws, rather than a potential lover being able to see past them.

    21) Attention Whore – This is good writing – the dialogue in particular, which read very naturally – but as with other pieces, the impact was lessened by the fact the piece was from the viewpoint of someone looking in at the flaws and by how cautiously it dealt with them – the repetition of ‘maybe’ is convincing insofar as an outsider wouldn’t know why Luke is a dick, but as a reader I wanted greater insight into his flaws.

    27) Closer Look – As I said above, disability is a very personal issue for me, and I think I may share a disability with this character, which meant I had particularly strong feelings. I’m planning to blog about this, so there will be more detailed thoughts on my blog, but you were brave to tackle this.

    38) Caveat Venditor – My thoughts on this were not dissimilar to my thoughts on 17) and 27). It was brave to tackle disability, but I’d have liked to see things from the disabled character’s point of view, instead of the able-bodied character looking in. I also think the title is a bit *too* clever, although kudos for taking risks with this piece!

  8. 3 – great lines in here, although I think it was light on eroticism. “You’re an only child, cursed with siblings” – love this.

    There are some that leave me confused as to whose sketch it was supposed to focus on; 4, 5, and 17, for instance. Many sound like great flash stories or openers for longer stories; the above plus 7, 15 and 16, for instance.

    6 – definitely got a good sense of character; complex.

    8, 10, 11 and a few others didn’t focus quite enough on eroticism but I enjoyed reading them.

    9 – high on my list. I can definitely see this character and want to know more.

    12 – erotic but I could have used more than appearances.

    There was a lot of great writing to be found here! Good luck. 🙂

  9. lou says:

    WOW! I really am enjoying reading everyone else’s entrees. I struggled with this assignment (even more than the two previously!) and it’s great to look at what’s been written. My favorite character sketches were from numbers 13 (especially liked the description of different orgasms), 19, and 21. These characters were described in ways that didn’t feel like a list of attributes and also had personalities that I could imagine finding sexually attractive. Other general things that I liked were when it felt like I was being introduced to the character slowly and through the activities or surroundings that they found themselves in. The characters who were flawed in ways that meant they didn’t seem to care about the other people they were caught up with did nothing for me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that it just wasn’t a sexy starting point and that’s not so much a moral judgement about ‘cheating’, just that the sexy stuff becomes less fun with the missing respect. I also got put off from the characters who seemed predatory or totally self-centered, and didn’t feel curious to learn more about these people or to see where their stories went.

  10. Wow! What a challenge. I am torn between being gutted that i didn’t get to give this one a go and bloody relieved that I didn’t have to attempt it. You all turned out some amazing pieces of writing. I hope everyone is really proud of themselves for getting this far.

    The three pieces that got my votes were, 7 – Absent Again, 29 – Weak Flesh and 36 – The Wolf. All of these got my vote for the same reason, the ‘imperfection’ was undeniable but I got to the end of each of them with definite arousal stirring in my loins, even if that was against my better judgement. I think is is a testament to how well they are written, so wrong they are right.

    Once again, massive well done to everyone who has come this far. My feedback for all the pieces is below, including more thoughts on my favourite three, I hope that some of it is helpful.

    Floss x

    1. I thought this was really well done. Mostly because I really didn’t like your character. Imperfection indeed. It made me reflect upon current beauty standards and how beautiful people can sometimes be truly ugly on the inside.
    2. I feel like I learnt less about the character and more about his surroundings in this one. By the time I learnt what his imperfection was, I wasn’t really that invested.
    3. I would have liked to hear more of his sexy adventures while learning about his penchant for married women, and less about his inner reflection.
    4. I read this a number of times and couldn’t quite fathom what the imperfection in question was. I also wasn’t sure if she was the girl his heart was destined to belong to, or a girl whose heart he was destined to steal. I found it all a bit confusing.
    5. I got a bit lost with this one. I’m not entirely sure what the first sentence adds to the story. Or if it happened or didn’t happen, and what the connection is to a spanking party.
    6. Tom Davis sounds like a dick, but I really enjoyed this. I think it was well written, well thought out and it made me giggle.
    7. Hmm .. is it right or wrong that I love this. I absolutely see the flaws in this character but my goodness her adventures sound sexy. Yes, a little dangerous and out of control but that totally pushed my erotic buttons.
    8. I loved the concept of this, and would love to read more about the Dreamwalkers. I didn’t feel like she was particularly imperfect though and would liked to hear a little bit more about the sexy dreams she created.
    9. Blimey, conceited much! Will is a douche! You wrote him very well. I think you did a grand job with this assignment.
    10. I really liked this, but I’m not entirely sure what the imperfection was. Though I am assuming the belt is a part of a D/s dynamic, if it isn’t then that would explain things.
    11. Ugh! He sounds horrid. Good job.
    12. I really enjoyed this one. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to the ‘imperfections’ here, though many of us will also identify with the joy of losing ourselves in self pleasure too, proving that we don’t need to be ‘perfect’ to have fun.
    13. Wow she sounds like a handful, I really like reading about her though.
    14. I would have liked there to be something sensual or erotic included in this one.
    15. This was naughty and erotic and I really enjoyed it.
    16. Ooh! What revenge does she take? I’m really hoping it is sexy revenge. I almost feel like I wish the first paragraph wasn’t there and instead the final paragraph involved sexy revenge with the awful sister’s partner!
    17. Cute and sexy. I love this. So often our flaws are only flaws to us, this was a lovely way to highlight that.
    18. I really enjoyed this one. It probably says a lot about me though that I think Lenn seems awesome and it’s everyone else mentioned that seems ‘imperfect’.
    19. I feel a little bit flummoxed by this one. She seems like a woman embracing and enjoying her sexuality and femininity, and then we get the information that she has low self-esteem, but it feels like an afterthought and it doesn’t seem to tally with the badass attitude of the rest of the piece.
    20. I want to like this more than I do. I wish she hadn’t left. I get that she is clearly painfully shy, and ‘barely there’, but she had come so far, I really feel like we could have had a sexy spanking and a different ending and still have had the ‘imperfection’ perfectly framed.
    21. I’m clearly way too partial to bratty behavior because I thought this was fab, and I had to get out of my own mind to find the ‘imperfection’. Good job.
    22. I feel like this will hit a nerve for many people. It was really raw, and it will be painfully real for so many. There was definitely a sex vibe there though, and I think you deserve a lot of credit for striking the balance.
    23. This is another one that got me frowning. She sounds kind of badass, yet I’m guessing the fact she seduces people and takes no shit in the office isn’t meant to be a good thing. I like it, but I’m not sure I got it.
    24. This is missing something for me. I like the premise but I would have liked a bit more exploration somehow. I was into it and then at the end I suddenly wasn’t.
    25. Well he definitely sounds dull, and like a bit of an arsehole, so ‘imperfect’ for sure, but I missed out on this one being anywhere close to sensual or sexy.
    26. I was into this as a general piece of writing, but I felt like his ‘imperfection’ came to late, and could have been swapped for something else and it wouldn’t have made much difference.
    27. Hmm … I think this one will definitely divide the masses. I loved the passion in it and overall I think it was written. I couldn’t help but feel like she was seeing his ‘imperfection’ more than anyone else.
    28. This is another one where the the ‘imperfection’ I think I’m meant to be seeing is so far from being imperfect for me that I struggle to enjoy the piece.
    29. Eek! But well done. I winced as I read this, and felt majorly uncomfortable but I cannot deny that I think it’s well written and for me it really nailed the brief that Marie set for you all.
    30. I thought this was delicious and naughty and I was all in, but then you lost me. I think the last three sentences ruined what could have been something truly smutty and will a wonderful dollop of ‘imperfection’. With a different ending this would have been in the running for my top three.
    31. I thought this was super cute, and sensual in it’s vibe. I think this is probably how the majority of us feel, being individually perfect is probably great for some people, but being perfect together is something truly awesome.
    32. I really enjoyed this one. Age is an ‘imperfection’ we all have to face eventually, but it doesn’t mean the sexy times have to stop.
    33. I felt like there were too many words and not enough story here. The ‘imperfection’ was well and truly highlighted, but there wasn’t much else there for me to enjoy unfortunately. Even though I think poor timekeeping could have lent itself well to a great piece.
    34. Ouch! This one was dark, but good. Sexy, but it definitely made me furrow my brow. Good stuff.
    35. I thought you did well here. You managed to portray the ‘imperfection’ while still giving us a good dose of smuttiness.
    36. He is horrible, awful, but I cannot tell a lie … I got to the end feeling slightly aroused. Great job, I really loved to hate this guy.
    37. I like this for its quirkiness and originality.
    38. Ooh … I did like this one. Another one were I was so mesmerized by the smuttiness, I had to go back and find the ‘imperfection’, which was I suppose obvious, but it was subtle against the backdrop of the sexiness.
    39. I felt a little uncomfortable reading this one. But not because of the focus on body image, but because Aaron sounds like an arsehole and I don’t think it’s his imperfection we are meant to be seeing. I feel like this portrays a really unhealthy relationship, if that was the aim then you got it bang on, but if it wasn’t then you’ve missed the mark for me personally.

  11. #7 is fantastic. It’s an excellent teaser for a much longer story. I liked her confusion and the way she collected clues to figure out what happened and what she’d done. Really great.

  12. BadKitten74 says:

    It was so hard to pick this time. I read them three times slowly eliminating the ones that I felt needed work. I want to tell everyone that they did a great job. I’d like to hit on all the ones I loved. I would’ve loved to been able to pick three more to vote for.

    Fortunes Told was awesome. I loved the twist at the end.

    The Contradiction was also one I loved although I loved being in the dream that was created and got a little thrown off at the last line.

    Barely There was very descriptive and I could definitely see writing a story around that.

    Primal Urges was very descriptive as well and had me hooked. I could see building on to that as well.

    Weak Flesh was awesomely taboo and I felt dirty reading it. That was the best part. I think I was even a little breathless at the end.

    The Wolf I loved. It has great possibilities and I could see furthering it.

    Nasty Woman was powerful. People hide parts of themselves from others whether it’s work or family. I think under differing situations many people can relate.

    Middle Mike and Emon Jones were strong characters but I personally didn’t see anything erotic there. I could’ve missed it though.

    No Self Belief was good. I had a hard time with connecting the line up that was mentioned with “Red”.

    You’re Perfect was good. I loved the beginning. The end was abrupt I felt but I could see adding to that. The only other issue was I got lost between them being in the water to them in a car.

    Being pretty clumsy myself I can relate to Bumbling Beauty. I liked it.

    Overall, I loved the twists at the ends of many, the unique character flaws and I can’t say that anyone had remotely the same ideas on storyline.

    Mine, Curved Fire, was one of 8 I wrote. All different approaches. I don’t know that it’ll be the best choice but I was pleased with it. If I had a blog, I’d post the ones that I eliminated but I haven’t had a chance to do that.

    Thank you to the voters, judges and my fellow writers. Good luck to each of you as we move forward.

  13. nbrplaza says:

    The assignment was to write a character sketch of someone with imperfection. A character sketch is a way to introduce someone to the reader. You want your reader to get a mental image of a person: how that person talks, the way and the reason that person does things. It should be a short snapshot that gives a good representation of the characteristics. For a good character sketch, you have to be really careful what details you uncover and what emotional reaction you want to achieve, without giving away too much. The reader should be able to draw her own conclusions. Not at all an easy task. Especially, since the character must have some kind of imperfection.Part of the difficulty of this week’s task, is to create an erotic story featuring an imperfect person. I enjoyed reading all of the entries of this round very much and it was a difficult task to give points to only 9 stories.

    Here are some of my thoughts on these stories and between brackets, my points for this round:

    1. Fucking perfect (1): The task was to write a character sketch of an imperfect character, but all I read is a story of how perfect the main character is. I must have missed something.

    2. Quick Draw (2): I like how you managed to give me an impression of the character of the man, without describing his physique. This person has his imperfections, as was the task. Good job.

    3. The Hunter (1): Nice how you created a character sketch by letting your main character do a self analysis. Your opening line could be improved, as there is a clause within a clause.

    4. Fortunes Told (1): An encounter between two people is always a good way to make a character sketch. The tekst has a nice rhythm. Try to hold back on long sentences with long clauses. Not sure what the imperfection was.

    5. No Self-belief (1): The opening was a good and unexpected find! The character sketch was a bit thin, to my opinion. I still know little about the girl (besides that she’s chubby and a sub).

    6. Tom Davis (1): This is a nice character sketch of someone who is not perfect in many senses. Still, you didn’t convince me why he was, after all, such a good fuck. What does that say about him, or about the narrator?

    7. Absent Again (1): I love this story. It implicitly tells us that apparently the woman has a wild side that brings her into trouble. On the other hand, I miss the imperfection.

    8. The Dreamwalker (1): You used the term ‘dreamwalker’, which could be clever as a way to describe someone with a single word. It made me wonder however, what you meant with that, since there are many fantasy stories with dreamwalkers (from World of Warcraft to comics). In stead of making things clear, it made me wonder too much. besides that, I missed the erotica with exception of the last few words that hinted towards that.

    9. I, Will (1): Sometimes those that find themselves to be perfect, are the ‘ugliest’. You captured that.

    10. The Contradiction (1): The text tries to give an impression from the appearance of the person. Yet, I still don’t know what ‘drives’ the character.

    11. The Watcher (1): This character sure has his imperfections. Some sentences (e.g. ‘Once a month … windows) could be improved by cutting them up into smaller sentences. Sometimes (often) a point is better than a comma.

    12. Book Break (1): The woman clearly has her imperfections. But, for some reason it came across as ‘trying too hard to make her imperfect’. Her imperfections didn’t seem to bother her, and it didn’t add to her personality. The description of her physical appearance had totally nothing to do with her state of mind. You could have improved the character sketch, if you had showed how her body made her feel.

    13. Nasty Woman (1): The main character trait is that she is chameleonic in many ways. I wonder why you haven’t worked on that more. Your opening line is a cliche. That almost stopped me from reading along. What is her imperfection? That she is nondescript?

    14. Emon Jones (1): A nice character sketch, with some imperfections, but 0% erotic.

    15. Play Date (1): You give a nice description of the scene and a good insight into the character of the woman. But what is her imperfection? That she is cheating? Missed opportunity.

    16. Sibling rivalry (1): Using an event in the past to explain someone’s character is a great way to make a sketch. Also, a great flash fiction story. But for me the imperfection was too thin.

    17. You’re Perfect (1): Seeing someone’s beauty beyond scars is romantic and even sexy. But in spite of that, you’ve hardly given a character sketch. The reader still hardly knows a thing of the woman. Also, I wonder how she can be hesitant to swim because of her scars, but apparently not have any reservations to have sex with a complete stranger?

    18. Thoroughly Nailed (1): I am a big fan of fantasy stories, like this. The character sketch is nicely implicit, but what is her imperfection?

    19. Curved Fire (1): You’ve done a great job making a character sketch. I did find it a bit cliche, though. Think more outside the box. If you want to win this challenge, you have to come up with stories that are more surprising and that stand out.

    20. Barely There (1): I am not sure about this one. I like the character you were able to sketch. But I am not fond of the way you did it. As you might know by now, I am very picky on punctuation. Two semicolons in the first line? Why a newline for the second sentence?. The lay out of your text (when a new line or new paragraph) is important for the way your readers read the text.

    21. Attention Whore (1): Have you fulfilled the assignment? Yes, you did give a character sketch. But what is the imperfection? That he is not a perfect sub? Sorry, that is not enough for me.

    22. Thick Skin (1): Sorry. Not a big fan of your long sentences. “Her heels clip … so much”. That sentence is grammatically incorrect. Try cutting it into smaller sentences. It will make your story much more delightful to read.

    23. Primal Huntress (1): This story just didn’t work for me. I had a hard time picturing the character. Try using the word ‘but’ less often.

    24. Tripped Up (1): I nag a lot about how people don’t use punctuation and blank lines correctly. You, I want to compliment. Your sentences are easy to read and there’s not a comma too many. Also, I like the originality of your setting, that gives a clear character sketch. You could have made the imperfection a bit stronger, though.

    25. Middle Mike (1): Great character sketch. But is it erotic?

    26. Looking Back (1): Great erotic story, but it gives us not much of a character sketch of Orpheus. Also, what is his imperfection? That he still loves his ex?

    27. Closer Look (5): Character sketch: check. Imperfection: check. Erotic: check.

    28. Spiral Eyes (1): The character sketch is thin. I still don’t know either person in the story. Also, try avoiding the use of the same word multiple times. Look for synonyms.

    29. Weak Flesh (9): You’ve managed to give a clear character sketch of a man haunted by his past and consumed with guild. Not only does this show his imperfection, but also you managed to give an explanation.

    30. In Process (1): I liked this story, and it made me laugh. But did you fulfill the assignment? Is there a character sketch? What do we know about the man, other than that he practices law and is a voyeur?

    31. Gift Opening (1): What a sweet story. But the character sketch was a bit thin, as are the imperfections.

    32. Unrecognizable Reflection (3): I think many people recognize themselves in the image you give. You paint a picture of how your body may become less perfect, but the sex becomes better over time. Nice.

    33. First date (1): I didn’t get it. Why is being on time so important as a character trait? Also, I miss the erotica in this one.

    34. One thing (4): Yes. A perfect character sketch. You could have made the imperfection a bit stronger though.

    35. Secret Coquette (6): Also a great character sketch, with the imperfection implicitly hidden.

    36. The Wolf (7): Very nicely written. “Making them beg for the things that shamed them”. Beautiful.

    37. Bumbling Beauty (8): The story paints a picture in my head. Great way of making a character sketch.

    38. Caveat Venditor (1): A character sketch is more than a description of how someone looks. I missed the personality and the story behind the person. This story may tell me more about the narrator, but yet not enough for it to be a character sketch.

    39. Body Image (10): Great. Not only did you describe the physical characteristics, but also the mental state of the main character. Also, good use of blank lines.

  14. Posy Churchgate says:

    Congratulations everybody – your entries were so varied and all really interesting to read. Several of you tackled some tricky subjects and still made them sexy, I felt particularly impressed when I read these. Just a few comments, from a novice writer who enjoys reading ….
    2) The quirky language has me struggling to visualise what’s happening here.
    3) Yes, I got good clear picture of this man! Very flawed and all too relatable!
    4) Love it! An entire, intriguing story with a twist! I’ve got this guy’s number!
    5) What a clever beginning, but it seems a different tone than the 2nd half, and I am not sure that I have been shown a flawed character.
    6) Another relatable guy. However ‘arms like warm marble’ didn’t work for me.
    7) Another story where I want to know more, it reads like a film, interesting character.
    9) Very artfully described.
    9) I liked the sound of him! Sounds perfect, flaws I could cope with!
    12) Clever how the longer and more closely we study her, the more flaws we see.
    13) Great job, two very different sides to this lady and both well described. Great use of low word count – I could visualise six different scenarios!
    16) Yeah that is one bitch I wouldn’t tire of slapping!
    17) Charming, seductive, great use of implication.
    18) Witty words, cunning plot, this oozes sexiness too.
    21) Great character sketch, and sexy play is hinted at before and after this ‘moment’.
    22) Yeah, loved her! Another cinematic description which has me wanting to know ‘what next?’ and watch the flashbacks!
    24) I enjoyed the descriptive portion of this a lot! The second part, her ‘flaw’ felt too abrupt.
    26) This was so clever, the wordplay is nimble and the erotic interlude is very hot. The introduction of the ‘flaw’ let it down.
    27) Very hot! This was all kinds of sexy, skillful writing.
    29) Vivid, dirty, shameful and sexy writing, well executed description of a flawed man.
    31) Nicely done, interesting choice of details shared, and a sexy interlude anticipated.
    32) Expertly done, clever snippets of description which paint a picture of the woman and the kinky lifestyle she enjoys.
    34) Soaked in sex, great description conveyed in a clever shorthand.
    35) I loved Iris, she sounds a sexy minx. Great use of the wordcount to depict her.
    36) What a guy! (not!) flawlessly described though.
    37) Enjoyed the tone of this, humour and sass.
    38) Wow! I loved this, I could visualise him (drool) and the fresh perspective enhances the eroticism.
    39) Tough topics dealt with deftly and cleverly. Good job describing Jace and the hot sweaty sex he loves.

  15. General comments: The writing demonstrated this time around was “on point.” Kudos to one and all. I sacrificed voting for myself this round because so many other writers hit it out of the park. I really enjoyed reading these and am glad no one gets cut on this round because everyone really brought their A-game. I’m hoping that everyone finds my comments constructive and supportive, as was my intention. I have so much respect for those who submitted entries that I wanted to show that by leaving a comment for everyone.
    ………………………………………….

    1) Fucking Perfect: This is a well-executed character sketch! The main character was described well, as was the cursory character, Stephen. I really got a thorough sense of the main character as well as her flaws, her backstory, and her motivation. I liked the tone and direct sexuality of this entry which highlighted the main characters voracious need for sex and attention. Well done.

    2) Quick Draw: I am impressed by the effective use of 2nd person POV. Well done. I definitely get a good idea of the character’s appearance. However, I am unsure if the character in question is very tall (“hasn’t gotten use to his wingspan”) or a little person (“his cock strains to match his height”). I wonder if viewing Conway through the eyes of the reader (or the “un-Cynthia”) who made an appearance at the end would have made this entry “pop” even more—creating a situation where the “you” character isn’t just a contingent added at the end. Still, barring a few punctuation choices, this is a solid, effective character sketch.

    3) The Hunter: There’s a killer line in this entry, “You’re an only child, cursed with siblings.” The writer could have led with that, said little else, and those lines would have spoken volumes about the main character without needing much else. There were a couple instances of troublesome punctuation, but nothing that distracted too much from the success of the sketch.

    4) Fortunes Told: I loved this narrative and the surprising twist at the end. These lines were brimming with rich detail and characterization. The writer really used words evocative of a multi-sensory experience. The only constructive thoughts I’d give here is to watch the excessive use of adverbs, especially in close proximity of other adverbs, which resulted in weighing down what was otherwise a well-written character sketch.

    5) No Self-belief: These lines show promise. The story idea itself is quite interesting. I’m intrigued by the characters introduced, but a little confused by the intro that didn’t really set the tone to describe the Domme or Red. I think these lines work better as a vignette than a character sketch; however, the potential is here for a good story about BDSM, with a comedic twist.

    6)Tom Davis: This was a bonafide character sketch. It’s well-written and painted a great picture of a notably flawed main character. So much information was conveyed in this sketch. I really liked the variety of methods this entry used to show Tom’s traits through the narrator’s eyes. We basically get a two-for-one sketch, as in the end, we learned a lot about the narrator as well.

    7) Absent Again: This entry was micro-fiction realness…and a character sketch, all rolled into one! I loved it. There was suspense, mystery…and the pacing was perfect. I, too, am a fan of beginning a story after sex has occurred. That a writer can build a solid story after all the action has occurred and still hook the reader, is a sign of solid storytelling skills. This sketch was very successful on many levels and definitely was one of my favorites.

    8) The Dreamwalker: This entry showed great potential. Though there was a bit of character description, more could have been done to highlight Pippa’s personality or motivation. This read more like a vignette than a character sketch. A couple things stuck out for me as quirky, such as the character’s name being used a lot (sometimes in consecutive sentences) or a few awkwardly worded sentences that made the narrative confusing. For example: “The nightmare she was trying to change was standing in front of a large group…” This was worded as if the “nightmare” itself was standing before the group and trying to get through the speech, not the person sleeping, who was her assignment. I had to re-read those lines a bit to understand what was happening. Still, the premise was sound, and I was intrigued by the main character.

    9) I, Will: This is a well-written character sketch. I was immediately drawn in by the sassy tone of the narrative. I like when the tone of a story adds a layer of nuance, and this sketch did that well. Also, I liked how even the title alluded to the self-centered vanity of the main character. And the line, “…His relationship with his reflection remains the longest he’s ever had.” I mean…come on, that line is KILLER! The only critique I’d have for this entry is to consider breaking up the longer sentences to give the narrative a nice rhythm and to look out for a couple punctuation choices.

    10) The Contradiction: This packed a wallop! (Pun intended!) Such a well-written character sketch. The whole time I read—and as I neared the end—I kept thinking, please add some erotica…please add some erotica. And, then the ending sealed the deal in a very, dare I say, satisfying way. Well done. Definitely one of my favorites.

    11) The Watcher: This is a great depiction of a peeping Tom. The description was jam-pack with backstory and gnarly descriptions. A couple run-on sentences in the last paragraph were the only things I’d highlight as a drawback. Otherwise, overall, this entry was as grimy and gross as the writer intended. Good job not backing away from going there!

    12) Book Break: This sketch satisfied all the prerequisites of a solid sketch. I could visualize this character, but did not bond with her because the writer didn’t indicate why I should. Yes, she’s bored. Yes, she’s a mother. But, had the writer hinted a bit at the character’s motivation or created an interesting reason for her boredom, she’d have had more depth and dimension.

    13) Nasty Woman: I loved the erotic directness of this author’s entry. The short, punchy sentence cadence was a nice layer that further echoed this characters “love ’em and leave ’em attitude about men and sex. The ending’s bit of poignancy contrasted nicely with the story’s emotionless opening. The only criticism I’d proffer is to reconsider some punctuation choices in the piece. Many sentences are unnecessarily long, especially considering the small word count. This is a case where less would have been more. Long sentences and atypical punctuation pulled me from the story.

    14) Emon Jones: This sketch has the makings of a really interesting character sketch. Just the exotic depiction of Emon’s heritage is enough to suck you in to his story. There were two things that stood out to the detriment of this entry: punctuation choices and the lack of an erotic angle. I did like how the sketch’s ending took me full-circle. This one was almost there.

    15) Play Date: I enjoyed this entry. I liked that the writer didn’t have the character staring into some random reflective surface to arbitrarily throw in physical description. Love the indirect sexual tension of this entry. It might be too subtle for some, but I think there’s room for all kinds of sexual depiction in erotica. I would have liked more emphasis or detail of this adulterous mom’s character flaws. But, it was well-written and met all the requirements of a solid sketch.

    17) You’re Perfect: Wow! The nuance of this piece is well written and works on many levels. As a fan of flash fiction, I can thoroughly appreciate a sketch that doesn’t entail the usual “catalogue” of description. In my opinion, this was more than enough to ensure that I was invested into both characters almost immediately. The narrative was ‘on pointe’ from the first line, and by the third, I *had* to know why she hesitated. The ending was sweet and romantic. What’s there not to like about that.

    [Skipping #18, Thoroughly Nailed, which was my entry.]

    19) Curved Fire: This entry has the basis for a very satisfying character sketch. I love the build-up…and the reveal (pun intended). However, there’s an issue with consistent use of verb tense in these lines. Though tenses must change accordingly when projecting backward and forward in a narrative, the base line narrative in which the story is told should stay consistent. This entry opens in a quasi third-person/past tense, then switched to third-person/present.

    20) Barely There: This entry faced punctuation challenges from the very beginning that continued throughout the piece. HOWEVER, the author more than made up for it in his/her effective characterization of two college kids on the cusp of a quirky sexual relationship. Though punctuation usage disrupted the smooth flow of the narrative, I liked the characters and wanted to know more about them and their impending relationship. This entry has great potential.

    21) Attention Whore: No surprise that this entry had my attention right from the title. And, this sketch definitely lived up to my expectations. This was another two-for-one sketch, as the reader learned a lot of character information about both men depicted. Also, it has an interesting conclusion.

    22) Thick Skin: Everything about this entry is amazing! I’d give it all three of my votes if I could. It’s the perfect character sketch. Period. It has a description of the main character, reinforces the narrative with a great title, depicts metaphor like a champ, supplies a variety of sensory detail, and the plot structure/ending twist was galvanizing…particularly with that KILLER line, “Only scar tissue gives you thicker skin…” Everything about these lines gave me life!

    23) Primal Huntress: This was a solid character sketch. It started out a little flat in the first paragraph, nothing overly exciting stood out in the first lines. But, things picked up a bit in the second paragraph when the writer chose to change the POV to 2nd person and invites the reader to place themselves into the story. Bumping up the narrative with a few literary devices and adding an element of (erotic) excitement to lines would elevate this sketch significantly.

    24) Tripped Up: Wow! These are some quality lines. This writer invites reader participation by encouraging the reader to infer much, but I didn’t mind putting in the work. This entry was odd and quirky, just like its main character. I didn’t see the ending coming…and it was kind of left open to interpretation. So, it could be that the ending is a figment of my imagination anyway…which is fine by me. Well done.

    25) Middle Mike: This is a solid character sketch. I had a very clear picture of who Mike was at the onset with that hilarious simile describing the look on his face. Haha! The only thing this entry lacked was the inclusion of any erotic or sexual references. Would have been cool to learn what got Mike off sexually or how he had to pay to have sex (can’t see a guy like that getting laid otherwise. Haha!). Still, the writer did a good job depicting a flawed character that could hold my interest. So, kudos for that.

    26) Looking Back: This entry had some descriptive words, but was more a vignette than a character sketch. The sex scene was erotic. Were the writer to somehow infuse that sex scene with more details of Orpheus’ personality or his flaws, these lines would have better met with my expectations. Otherwise, there wasn’t much beyond the sex that engaged me and made me care about the characters themselves.

    27) Closer Look: I loved this entry for so many reasons! I loved how Paul’s description was related to the reader through the narrator’s derision of those who could not see past the physical. I loved the implied sexual tension and how eroticism was used to add nuance to Paul’s description, with the juxtaposition of his strengths against his weaknesses/flaws. I love how the narrator loved him despite everything else. This entry comes with romance, eroticism, and a happy-ending. One of my favorite trifectas.

    28) Spiral Eyes: This was an interesting character description. It was sparse on narrative and eroticism—as well as a bit cryptic stylistically—but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I had to read it twice to pick up the implied metaphor. (No spoilers here. I did the work, you’ll have to, too.) The title is well-chosen, once you understand the theme expressed. These lines are stark and cold and wonderful in there barren description of a man and his obsession with his screened muse. There was something very attractive in this implied portrayal of a detached sexual relationship.

    29) Weak Flesh: OMG! There’s so much ‘wrong’ happening in this entry that it can only be magnificently RIGHT! I loved this. Loved, loved, loved it! Is there anything more tantalizing than the lascivious, taboo, and depraved sexual actions of someone else! This is by far my favorite character sketch, and as such ensures that I will not be voting for myself this round. This piece was superb as a character sketch and as flash fiction. The beginning was set up well, the middle was deliciously dirty, and the ending just hammered it all home. I have nothing negative to say about this sketch. Bravo/a to whomever penned it! I can’t wait to find out who you are so I can stalk your work.

    30) In Process: Another great entry! I love the naughty eroticism of these lines. How pervy that the main character is humping the wall while listening to the couple next door get it on. I love it! The ending was a nice twist with the celebrity cameo. I’d have loved more info about the eavesdropping perv. However, I’d really hate to knock these lines for that…still so many other entries did such a fantastic job of relating a tale and providing a thorough character sketch that its lack of one stands out. Still, well done!

    31) Gift Opening: This entry took a romantic approach in its eroticism, which I enjoyed. It was easy to like the characters described, especially Calissa. There were a few issues with punctuation, choice and the narrative lacked ‘zest’ due to the writer choosing to tell the reader what was happening, as oppose to showing. Still, there were a couple good metaphors here, some nice erotic tension, and the basis for some great characterization. With a bit of polish, this could be a solid sketch.

    32) Unrecognizable Reflection: I liked these lines. It opened with a bit of action, which successfully caught my attention and led me into the story. (Who doesn’t wonder what’s in someone’s bag?) I love the May-December theme, and how the character saw herself through her lover’s eyes. Very nice description of the main character. I liked that the story was inclusive to the LGBTQ community. This was a solid character sketch.

    33) First Date: These lines have potential, but failed to lure me in or engage me. It was missing a relevant catalyst or spark to connect me to the character or the narrative. I did get that the main character always ran late and anticipated her first day with the love interest. But, the lines feel a bit flat. The decision to tell the reader what was happening instead of “showing” made this sketch less dynamic than it could have been. Highlighting her motivation/fears, beginning in the middle of a crisis, or having the character interact with another in the sketch would have made these lines more successful.

    34) One Thing: Wow, more great lines! This was a great sketch, with the biggest descriptor of the main character happening at the end. I loved the twist. This sketch was amazingly dynamic at the onset as it wove its tale and set up the reader for the punch in the gut at the end. I enjoyed the use of dialogue, the varied sentence length, and the slow-build that ended in a way I hadn’t anticipated. This entry had a little bit of everything, and really used the word count to give readers a thorough depiction of the main character as well as a complete micro/flash fiction story. This entry was wonderful.

    35) Secret Coquette: There was a lot in this character sketch that was solid. I definitely understood the main character’s flaw and bits about her personality. However, it was a little to sparse in some places, to the point where the dots didn’t quite match up. Maybe a hint of backstory, her motivation, or an impending crisis would have given this sketch more dimension. There needed to be some detail shared that made me what to know more about the character and her proclivities. Still, it did it’s job as a character sketch and did include all the elements of the assignment.

    36) The Wolf: Daaaamn! What a character sketch! What a flaw! What a depiction! Any writer that can make me hate a character this much in less than 200 words has more than sufficiently done their job. But, this entry was successful on many levels. Man, the eroticism emphasized was just enough to draw the reader in and be seduced by the ass depicted…just like his poor, abandoned conquests. I loved the specificity of the character’s preferences, and the words the author chose to portray it. Well done, writer!

    37) Bumbling Beauty: I loved these lines! How can you *not* fall in love with a clumsy stripper?! Haha! How awesome that the audience loved her for it too. This sketch was funny and cute, and stood out from the other entries for that reason. Still, the characterization was strong as to make Dezi immensely likeable. I’d want to read on about her and find out what other shenanigans awaited her. This entry was wonderful. Great job!

    38) Caveat Venditor: Wow! This sketch was amazing on so many levels. This was another Two-for-one, as I learned as much about the narrator as I did about the sketched character, Gage. I loved how inclusive these lines were by including a character who represents two populations of people who don’t get nearly enough representation in this world. Even still, Gage’s “flaw” made him even more interesting…as did his penchant for hiring out. If there was a full-length story about these characters, I’d buy it.

    39) Body Image: I liked how this ended! I was a bit worried I wouldn’t like it because the character’s negative perception of his flaw, and what I thought would be literary body-shaming. But, that’s not what this was at all. (Thank you, writer!) The character sketch was solid. I gleaned a lot of info about the main character…and his lover. I also loved that these lines were inclusive and had a message of self-love and acceptance. Great job.

    ……………………………..

    I hope my comments were helpful. If anyone would like clarification on anything I wrote, please feel free to email me! Good luck everyone!

  16. For quite a few of these pieces it felt like they were not character imperfects but character disasters.

    This was a really interesting and challenging task that Rebel set. She has made it very clear to the judges that we were to focus on whether the pieces left us feeling like we knew or had a good picture of the character in our minds and so that is what I have done.

    So here goes with some specific thoughts. Like last time these are ones I voted for and then some additional ones that caught my eye for some reason and inspired me leave something here.

    35. Secret Coquette

    When I first read this one I wrote underneath it in red… Iris is a filthy exhibitionist. In fact she likes being watched to the extent that it overrides any need she has to be touched. This is really well written, it is concise but descriptive and I could easily picture Iris at the end of it.

    20. Barely There

    Oh I can picture Alice, she is shy and geeky and has vivid spanking fantasies that have yet to be turned into realty. Oh and I loved this nod to the very 1st task set about metaphors because this is glorious to “long, poker-straight flames she hid under hats”

    29. Weak Flesh

    This is powerful writing that portrays a man deeply damaged by his childhood. He is filled with guilt and seems stuck in a cycle of pleasure and pain. It’s a dark tale but excellently written and it was easy to know Father Robson as a man consumed by what he sees as his sin at the end of it.

    27. Closer Look
    There is a tenderness to this piece that I really liked. It definitely paints a picture of Paul both physically and the kind of person that he is but my overwhelming take away from this is that Paul is a man in love.

    11. The Watcher

    This one actually gave me a little shiver. Philip is a loner and a voyeur who is happy to not only watch when it is consensual but also when it is not. I absolutely know this guy is an outsider and as such could maybe, possibly be a bit dangerous.

    36. The Wolf

    I know that the wolf is an older man, not how old but that his age is enough that it makes the fact he likes deflowering virgins even more inappropriate. This is beautiful writing, the only thing I would say is that he still feels a bit elusive to me at the end. Maybe a slight hint of a why would have helped but I did like that at the end we get to see a glimmer of his humanity as he hates to admit that he loves the abandoning of them the best.

    32. Unrecognisable Reflection

    I really liked this one but then the ending jarred me a little bit. I totally got that she was an older woman who maybe felt invisible a bit to the world around her but I actually wished it had ended with the word lust because then I would have assumed she was having a sexy relationship with a younger woman whereas this sentence then confused me

    “Just as they had years before, in a damp-ridden studio apartment. She smiled, some things had definitely improved with time.”

    13. Nasty Woman

    Again I think this absolutely excellent writing. It paints a very graphic picture of this woman and her two personas however it also leaves me with questions. Why is unhappy? She seems to like the wild sex. Does she really want a relationship? I would love to read more of this story though.

    3. The Hunter

    Oddly the title of this piece I find a bit jarring as I don’t think Harry is a hunter so much as a man unable to form or sustain long term relationships. I do love this line in it “You’re an only child, cursed with siblings,” his sister had told him, not unkindly” and I definitely feel like I know Harry by the end but I again I feel like I am missing a why or a some greater context to how Harry ended up being like this.

    And now for some others that caught my eye in no particular order….

    7. Absent Again
    This is a great opener for a story which I definitely want to read more of but I don’t feel like I know anything really substantial about this character from just this piece but if you do tell more of her story let me know so I can read it.

    15. Play Date

    This one had huge potential but it was just missing some substance. For example we don’t really know how she feels about this affair, is guilty, gleeful, scared?

    17) You’re Perfect

    This one was on my short list but in the end it didn’t get a vote for two reasons. Firstly because the jump to meeting in the water and him exploring her body was a bit jarring and secondly and this was the big one for me, they were on the beach, they go back to the shore, why is she burying her face in the back seat? The back seat of what even?

    19) Curved Fire

    I really liked the beginning of this, the first paragraph totally hooked me in but then her secret just didn’t feel interesting enough. The opening description of Morgan already had me imagining her in beautifully sexy lingerie, her secret needed to be more unexpected.

    As in the last round, if you want to discuss your piece with me more, whether I have mentioned it here or not then please do feel free to get in touch either on Twitter or email me molly@mollysdailykiss.com

    Mollyxx

  17. 1)I could visualize this character as part of a larger story. I had trouble with the perspective shift from husband to wife. I always love the term “fuckboy.” So yummy.
    2) This forgetful character was endearing, but the use of “your” was jarring. It was hard to picture the scene. “Willows” was an excellent word.
    3) I had a hard time seeing this character as more than his flaw. I had a generic image in my head.
    4) I needed more information about what was going on in here. I couldn’t figure out which character was being highlighted. I loved the idea of the fortune teller and it has the makings of a hot story idea.
    5) I wanted Red to be the star of this story. She seemed diminished by the Domme’s wants and I couldn’t get a full picture of who she was and why she was so desirable. The storyline is delicious.
    6) This felt like a real and flawed person. I don’t think the character was very sexy and I would have a hard time reading erotica with him as a character. It was well written as a character sketch.
    7) I loved this one. I have a series where the character has a similar issue and I could picture the scene. I had a harder time seeing this character because the offered only a few details. The storyline overpowered the character sketch…but I would definitely read this story when the whole thing is written.
    8) This was an adorable story, but I wanted to know more about Pippa. The author wrote a great beginning but I wanted to know more about Pippa.
    9) I enjoyed being introduced to Mr. Narcissist. I could see this character in my mind. Excellent character sketch.
    10) I’m not sure what the contradiction was, but I enjoyed reading about this character. I could see this character as a Dom.
    11) A peep show pervert was a good idea for a character, but it was hard to get a picture of this dude. The description jumped around a bit and needed more focus.
    12) This character was cute and very relatable. This was one of my favorites. I loved her visible flaws and how they added to her sex appeal.

    13) I could tell that a ton of thought went into this character. She wasn’t quite sexy in her desperation, but I could see her in a larger story overcoming obstacles and cumming.
    14) I liked the twist of the good boy gone wrong. This was a fun character to think about, but I wasn’t sure how he would work in eroticism.
    15) Great storyline, but I couldn’t get a solid picture of the character. I know that if you had been allowed more words that this could have been one hot momma.
    16) I wasn’t sure which sister was being highlighted. The idea of sibling rivalry was a great premise, but I had trouble decided which character was the focus.
    17) I loved this vignette and it was a sweet story. I wanted to know more about the female character.
    18) Ooooh this story was steamy. I wanted be able to see the concubine a bit more to get a better picture of her intentions and her charm.
    19) This was a sexy character sketch and I could see her in a story.
    20) The timid Alice was well portrayed. There was a good balance of physical features and character traits to get an image of her while reading.
    21)Great story beginning, but I wanted to know more about the character you were featuring. I would love to read this whole story.
    22) I loved the imagery in this sketch. The gentle rhythm of the words made for a pleasurable read and created an intriguing character.
    23) Meow. I love a good kitty character and this cat had definite claws. Great character sketch!
    24) Masie began as an intriguing character and the idea of combining kink with cinema promised to be fun and fresh. Her flaw of depression at the end was a little jarring and felt disconnected to the rest of the sketch. But…that is exactly how depression feels.
    25) This guy would keep on his black socks while filming porn. It was a great character sketch. I wanted him to be sexy, but I just couldn’t get there. Perhaps, with the right story, Mike could be a hot piece of ass.
    26) Excellent story beginning. I wanted to read more and it was steamy. I wasn’t sure which character you were trying to feature.
    27) I loved seeing Paul through the eyes of his lover. It made the flaw a strength and part of his deeper sexual charm. This was lovely.
    28) I wanted to learn more about this character and the idea of feature a cam girl is very sexy. I really just wanted more.
    29) This was a good story, but needed more details about the character. He became a generic priest instead of being a sketch of a character.

    30) The ending didn’t quite fit and I needed to know more about the character. The beginning description of the overheard sex was super wowza though.
    31) I wanted more details about Calissa’s personality and what drew the speaker to her.
    32) I could visualize this character and there were great details about her physical image as well as in inner motives. Well done!
    33) I liked her flaw of never being on time, but I wanted to know more about your character. You used some imagery like talking about the clock that I could really see while I was reading.
    34) I can relate to this character. I wanted more details and it was a bit choppy to read. I loved how the author gave sexy insight into this mother’s personality.
    35) Being watched is so sexy and this character was laid out well. I enjoyed reading this one!
    36) I wanted to punch this dude in the nose, but it was a very good character sketch.
    38) Hot read and a great description! I wanted to read more of this story. I was a bit confused about which character was supposed to be highlighted a
    39) Great character sketch that breathed life into Jace.

  18. As there were less entries this round I really wanted to try to leave a little feedback on each. It has been such a pleasure reading through them all, well done to everyone who submitted something! Please bear in mind that this is the opinions of someone who really knows very little about writing.
    1 – I really loved the last line.
    2 – I don’t feel like I learnt a lot about the character but I still loved how it was written and it left me wanting to read more.
    3 – This was one of my favourites. He’s a really interesting character and I love how you showed some backstory too.
    4 – This was another favourite! Beautiful descriptions like the whiskey coloured eyes and hair tangled in the hoop earring. I also really loved how you ended it.
    5 – I didn’t really like the intro (only my personal opinion), but I loved the rest of this.
    6 – I think you came up with a really interesting character. He certainly fits the imperfect rule!
    7 – You came up with such an interesting and unique idea. I love how the italics let us in on her thoughts as a way of showing her character.
    8 – I’m amazed at how you managed to portray a mythical character so well in only 200 words.
    9 – Voted! This was just brilliant, so funny and you couldn’t have captured his character better. I feel like I learnt a lot from this entry personally too, that even horrible characters can be likable when written right.
    10 – I really liked the last line and feel like the rest would have been even better if you had done more showing than telling. Like his thoughts and actions.
    11 – The last sentence was hilarious. You created an awful but entertaining and well captured character.
    12 – This seemed to only really show her physical characteristics, but I liked how you managed to create such an erotic piece of writing within the assignment.
    13 – I think you described the character really well but I didn’t think she came across as particularly imperfect.
    14 – I didn’t really think this fitted the erotic part of the assignment but I feel like you created a clear picture of your character.
    15 – This is an interesting story as well as telling me a lot about the character.
    16 – I loved this one and it made me wish I had more votes! I really relate to Angela and think it’s very clever that you managed to capture 2 characters within 200 words.
    17 – This was quite painful for me to read (my own issue and nothing to do with your writing), so I really can’t leave constructive feedback on it, sorry.
    18 – I really had no idea what was going on, sorry! I am sure this is down to me not being your target reader at all as I’m not a fan of this genre.
    19 – I feel like this was a perfect character. The fact they don’t see how perfect they are only really makes them more perfect.
    20 – I really like Alice’s character and feel like you portrayed her really well. I felt like the story was slightly unbelievable but that wasn’t the focus of the assignment anyway.
    21 – Loved it! Not only did you show Luke’s character well, I also got a really good idea of their relationship to one another too.
    22 – I was thoroughly enjoying your beautiful descriptions of her, but the ending hit me a bit hard.
    23 – I really liked the ending for this. I always find executive women sexy so I’m a big fan of your character choice!
    24 – I absolutely love this character and finished this wishing I could meet her! I especially love the third sentence about mourning her life.
    25 – Voted! This just proves an average character can still capture your attention when the writer does it right. The second sentence especially was just perfect!
    26 – You definitely captured the erotic part of the assignment! I would have liked more elaboration on the last bit, but apart from that I think this is a great piece of writing.
    27 – This was quite a thought provoking entry. There is no denying your writing is incredible, the descriptions beautifully sensual, I just didn’t personally like the implication that people looked down on him for his disability. Perhaps if it was more implied that this was what she thought, rather than what was necessarily true?
    28 – I think this was a great idea but was perhaps rushed when it came to writing it?
    29 – This made me quite uncomfortable, but I feel that was the effect you were going for. I think you met the requirements of the assignment perfectly.
    30 – I think I would have been able to appreciate this better if I knew more about Ivanka Trump. Still, this was very erotic and as a bit of a voyeur it had quite an effect on me!
    31 – I really loved the last sentence!
    33 – I loved this! It makes me wish I could read more about Naomi. You’ve created a very interesting character and it’s clear each sentence was thoughtfully constructed.
    34 – Brilliant! It wasn’t until I read the last sentence that I realised what she had said! I absolutely loved this.
    35 – This was a really great and interesting idea for a character. It definitely left me wanting to read more about her!
    36 – Despite it being a clearly awful character, you wrote this beautifully with thoughtfully chosen words. I really admire your writing.
    37 – This had an unexpected twist that I really loved. I don’t feel like I learned much about who they are though, just what they do.
    38 – I thoroughly like how you wrote about the prosthesis and I personally think this is a perfect example of how things like this should be written and included in erotica.
    39 – I found this very sad, mostly as I can relate to some of what was said. You very accurately captured the feelings that can be induced by weight gain.

  19. First of all: congratz to all writers here! I can tell you take it seriously and it was a real pleasure to read you all.
    However, as a Dutchie I am honest and I need to say something to you all:
    This is an erotic writing contest. Erotic comes in many shapes and sizes. And I know we Dutchies are very (maybe too) straightforward and blunt, also in our writing. But I would like to challenge you all to be more open, more specific, more daring and shocking. Really, I need to read more juice, more smut, more dirt, more cunt and dick and ass and come shot over faces. Don’t hold back, don’t be shy…a beautifull sentence is still a beautifull sentence with some smut in it 🙂
    Second point I would like to make is that I read a lot of ”descriptions” here. A sketch is a sketch, not a description of how someone looks or behaves. And remember, you are in an erotic writing contest. Some pieces were well written and gave a reasonable character sketch, but were not erotic at all. So, there is work to be done here contestants! And I cant wait to read the results next time.

    Since it was a very hectic week here on this side of the Northsea, I only made comments for the stories I gave points:

    10 points The Wolf:
    Absolute winner. A complete story in a sketch, his character and his flaws really come to life. Beautifull sentences, poetic and yet very strong.

    9 points: Unrecognisable Reflection
    Loved this story. The sentence ”she much preferred her reflection in the hungry glow of Wendy’s eyes” really lifts the whole scene and explains it all. Well written!

    8 points: Weak Flesh
    Although the theme is a bit cliche, it is well written, gives an excellent view on his abhorrent personality. And although he is a creep, the idea he is masturbating in church appeals to me (oh dear, I think I am abhorrent too:))

    7 points: Closer Look
    Well written, good sketch, a small story full of love. Beautiful erotic description of how he satisfies her.

    6 points: Tripped Up
    This really touched me. It is emotional to read how this sparkling girl drops her mask. Nice how the word fragile is put in, it sets the scene of her breakdown perfectly. Few mistakes, alas! (“Are you all right down there?” She once asked -> it shouldn’t be a capital for She. And: ”I’m so sorry.” she said. There should be a comma here instead of a period.)

    5 points: Book break
    Although it describes her more physically, there is enough emotion to conclude who she is. It was erotic to picture her in that chair, embracing life. Also loved ”the raggedness of her torn nail on her tongue”.

    4 points: Absent Again
    A very strong scene and the ‘again’ in the title tells a lot about her ways. The use of her inner dialogue gives it just enough tension. I would love to read further.

    3 points: Play Date
    The want for him shines through everything, her naughty pleasure well described.

    2 points: Attention Whore
    I like the theme of this disobedient sarcastic sub, ”in a parody of submission”. The words are straight and plain, I like that.
    I thought the end a bit weak though, nothing is not resolved in any way. His punishment seems to be gagged and neglected, but this might be oil on the fire if discipline only encourages him. Maybe a better twist at the end would lift the story.

  20. May says:

    I have been reluctant to leave feedback as I really don’t think I am qualified to critique the contestants writing So I have picked 3 entries at random and picked out a positive element about them.

    #8 Love the imagination used here – to create an “out of our world” narrative. Very well written too.

    #22 Very descriptive could imagine every move being made

    #31 Llike how beauty is described here – as imperfect – real beauty is unique to the beholder.

  21. Marie Rebelle says:

    Before I give my feedback, I want to say that I really enjoyed all the stories and admire the creativity of the authors, the way they have handled this rather difficult assignment. Well done everyone! 🙂

    1) Fucking perfect
    Oh my, she really disgusts me. She is far too happy with herself but in fact deep inside she’s an ugly person. The fact that you have succeeded in calling up these emotions, means this is a good character sketch!

    2) Quick Draw
    First this seems to be written from Conway’s perspective but then in the last couple of sentences the perspective changes. This doesn’t work for me.

    3) The Hunter
    “You’re an only child, cursed with siblings.” – great line!
    I like the idea of imperfection here, but I miss the erotic feel of this piece. I do, however, have a bit of an image of Harry in my mind, not so much his physical features but the way he ‘operates’.

    4) Fortunes Told
    There is something mysterious to this, the ability to see the future, and I like the little twist where she sees herself. It’s that little twist that makes me want to read on, makes me wonder whether she will be one of the many whose heart he steals. Good piece!

    5) No Self-belief
    I know too little about Red or the Domme after reading this piece. Sorry.

    6) Tom Davis
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with this character sketch, and still it doesn’t fully invite me to read more about Tom Davis.

    7) Absent Again
    I am interested to know more about Mary, to know why she has blackouts like these and what she does during those blackouts. It seems rather scary to me! You have sparked my interest.

    8) The Dreamwalker
    This made me smile. It’s quite an original angle for a story and makes me want to read more about Dreamwalkers, especially mischievous ones like Pippa.

    9) I, Will
    Will seems to be just as happy with himself as the character in the first story!

    10) The Contradiction
    You wrote this entire piece by telling us about him, instead of showing him to us. That can be boring, but your last line totally turned that around for me… ‘snapped me from my reverie.’
    With this it gives everything that comes before that a different feeling. Well done!

    11) The Watcher
    Oh dear, it seems Philip needs some help. This is not very erotic, but I do like this as a character sketch, as you have painted a clear picture of him with your words.

    12) Book Break
    This is erotic and sexy and I tells me enough about Liddy to make me want to know more about her history, about who she is in daily life, about what moves her and what not. Well done!

    13) Nasty Woman
    This pulled me in the moment I saw the title, do I want to know more about her! I like how in the first paragraph you describe a woman who is afraid to be herself, then you describe this sexy woman who knows what she wants and with your line ‘she remembers who she wants to be’ you take us right back to ‘afraid to be herself’. Beautifully done!

    14) Emon Jones
    This piece tells me a lot more about Emon and it tells me that he can be a dangerous individual. After reading this, I want to know more about him and his dark practices and up to there this piece works. But, something is missing. I think I would have wanted the dangerous side of Emon to have been ‘eroticized’ a bit more.

    15) Play Date
    Your first and second sentence confused me. I thought the ‘he’ and ‘my husband’ were two different people. Those two sentences also made me think I would read about either ‘he’ or the husband. However, I read about the ‘I’ person. I think this piece would have worked a lot better without the first line, as that put me on the wrong foot.

    16) Sibling rivalry
    This is another character sketch where I don’t know who this character sketch is about: Angela or Penelope? I know more about both of them after reading this, but I would have preferred to know a bit more about either of them, so it was clear who I really am reading about. The writing, though, is good.

    17) You’re Perfect
    It’s quite daring to write a piece in second person, but in this case it works out well. I love the tenderness at the end where he kisses her scars.

    18) Thoroughly Nailed
    I like the futuristic theme here and want to know more about Lenn, as she sounds like an intriguing character!

    19) Curved Fire
    I know a lot more about Morgan now than when I started reading, but I don’t think there’s any real imperfection here? Or maybe you meant for the fact that she doesn’t see herself as stunning to be an imperfection? I guess you can see it as that…

    20) Barely There
    You made me feel protective of Alice, made me want to take her in my arms and shield her from the world, even though I know she is probably strong enough to take care of herself. Your character sketch touched me!

    21) Attention Whore
    Is this character sketch about Luke or Andrew? I think Luke, but it also tells me more about Andrew. I do want to know more about the dynamic between the two of them, though.

    22) Thick Skin
    I shivered at the image of the broken bottle, which makes you realize that what you see on the outside – the sway as she walks, the long coat, the short hair – says nothing about what is under those layers or goes on in the inside. Well done!

    23) Primal Huntress
    Okay, I have read this a couple of times and yes, I do know a lot more about her after reading this, so in that way this totally works as a character sketch. But, there is something missing from it, but I don’t know what. It’s not the writing, because that is good. Maybe it misses a bit of eroticism?

    24) Tripped Up
    I think this piece would have been much stronger if you left out ‘cue laughter’ and ‘cue tears’ even though I understand why you did it. I my opinion, in a short piece like this, it doesn’t work the way you might have wanted it to.

    25) Middle Mike
    Indeed, he seems like a dull figure and I think the way you wrote this, bring that forward too. He seems like the kind of man no one will really notice or remember.

    26) Looking Back
    Where I find this an erotic piece, at the same time it’s also sad since he cannot move on from the past.

    27) Closer Look
    This piece really touched me, as I can be the ‘she’ in this piece and my husband could be ‘Paul’. So many times have I seen those pitying looks from others when they saw his disability, many times not even knowing just what his disability is. If only people will first get to know a person, instead of ‘judging’ by what they see.

    28) Spiral Eyes
    I am not sure from who’s perspective you wrote this. At first I thought it was from the perspective of the first customer, but then you jump to the camgirl. That is confusing.

    29) Weak Flesh
    Oh god, yes! This is so good! An absolute favorite!

    30) In Process
    I totally wanted to know more about him and then… Ivanka Trump. I like the first part, but the last three lines not so much.

    31) Gift Opening
    A nice character sketch and I especially like the last line. One question: who’s perception is it that Calissa is anticipating having his cock in her later? The piece is written from his perspective as he looked at her, so how could he know she anticipated the feeling?

    32) Unrecognisable Reflection
    It’s a great way to write a character sketch, to make use of a reflection; and not only a physical reflection, but also a mental one. Nice!

    33) First date
    I do know a bit more about Naomi now, but I cannot see what exactly her imperfection is. Being late?

    34) One thing
    Indeed, she doesn’t seem like a mother at all and I like it!

    35) Secret Coquette
    The idea of this piece is good, but I think it might need more editing. The word ‘watch’ has been used a bit too much in a short piece like this.

    36) The Wolf
    Oh gosh, everything about this works for me. Definitely one of my favorites!

    37) Bumbling Beauty
    This made me smile as I could see the beautiful clumsy girl in front of me. I cringed when she plowed into the pole. Poor thing!

    38) Caveat Venditor
    This is a character sketch and there is an ‘imperfection’ but this piece didn’t feel natural to me. I don’t know why, but it sounds a bit ‘forced’?

    39) Body Image
    This piece definitely tells us more about Jace and his insecurities, but also the way Aaron makes him feel good about himself.

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