Smut Marathon 2019: Voting Round 1

The race is on again!

For the writers the marathon started in all earnest the moment they received the first assignment, and today it starts for all readers and voters: the very first voting round of the Smut Marathon 2019!

If you haven’t been part of the Smut Marathon 2018 — as writer, reader or jury member — please read through what is expected of you during a voting round. If you have been part of last year’s edition of the Smut Marathon, you might want to read through this anyway, as there has been some changes.

The assignment

I still remember the first time I saw youIn the true tradition of the Smut Marathon, the first assignment never is an easy one, although I think many writers will debate that this year’s was easier than that of last year. The first assignment was:

Write about the moment when two people first see each other.

Specific requirements
– No dialogue
– your story is between 30-50 words. No less, no more.
– give your story a title of maximum 2 words

Congratulations to all writers who have sent in their assignments. In total 116 writers signed up for the Smut Marathon 2019, but only 102 writers have sent in their stories. Don’t be alarmed by these numbers, as this is just as part of the marathon as those who make it to the final round.

Please note: Entries are not placed in the order in which they have been received. A randomizer has been used to order the entries.

What should you do now?

Read all entries, and vote for the three stories you like the best. Try to keep the assignment in mind when you make your choices. You have to vote for three stories — no less, no more. Don’t forget to click the ‘Finish Survey’ button when you have made your choices!

Please note:

  • Writers are not allowed to tell anyone which entry they have written!
  • You can only vote once. Votes will be monitored and double votes will be removed.
  • The voting round closes on Friday 15 February 2019 at 23.00 CET (see the countdown in the sidebar).
  • Results of the voting round will be published on this site on 17 February 2019 and then the author of each story will be revealed.

One last thing: Feedback

I know it’s a lot to read and even more to ask, but it would be lovely if you could leave as much feedback as possible on the entries, or to make it more manageable, please leave feedback on the three entries you voted for as well as three entries you have not chosen. Make sure your feedback is composed in such a way that the writers can learn something from it. This will be highly appreciated.

Enjoy reading and start voting!

~ Marie Rebelle
(Image from Pinterest)


1) Blushing encounter

As she relaxed into the sharp nails trailing fire along her curves, the unexpected pinch on her nipples made her gasp and open her eyes in shock.
Her heart skipped a beat, her pussy quivered and her whole attention narrowed on the devilish twinkle in the stranger’s eyes.


2) Naked Epiphany

The final wisp of lingerie fell, her cunt wet from the thrill of revealing herself. His eyes remained on hers. This, his first sight of her submission. This, the first time she’d seen the true Him; a man desirous of more than her nudity.


3) Peep Show

Considering the cost of the theatre tickets she should be watching the show. But a look to her left catching his eye was the only distraction she needed. Unsure if the glance back was a genuine look, or a coincidence she dared to peep again a little longer this time.


4) Arrested

Maria had always thought the descriptor arresting was hyperbole. Tunnel vision when she glanced up and met a pair of dark eyes across the room? Unrealistic. Staring, heart pounding, face warming, skin softening, breasts swelling? Impossible. Throat drying while wetness pooled between her thighs? Absurd.

Breathe. Breathe, Maria!


5) Clandestine Meeting

A whisper of clothing being dropped as two lovers meet.
Erect and wet, hastily they fuck.
The air, intensified with passion, is filled with whisperings of two bodies coming together.
A tug of a nipple, the feel of cum sliding down her legs, leaving as quickly as they came together.


6) Drawing Room

The robe slides from her shoulders, a slow reveal of a ripe, lived-in body. Rounded, soft. A body she’s sharing with me. With us. Like Goya’s ‘Naked Maja’, she reclines on plump cushions. Smiling. Watching. I smile back and lift my charcoal to the paper on my easel.


7) The Letter

Tanned skin, lean muscle, a mouth that curves with the hint of a smile: the new mailman delivers in more ways than one. He raises a hand and I picture it around my throat, pinning me down as we fuck. I smile and walk inside, leaving the front door open.


8) Contact

Their eyes met and stayed, but there was no electrical shock. Instead, she felt more of a tickle. A gentle itch that started behind the eyes. It then shimmied down her spine to nestle between and warm her buttocks. Tentatively, she smiled. And he returned it. There’s that jolt!


9) Cutting Edge

He twisted the knife, his blade doing the work. Her eyes became soft and unfocused as she crumpled from his arms, and he noticed how piercing a shade of blue they were, even as they faded. The assassin shook his head in sorrow; it was always the pretty ones.


10) Blue Eyes

It was his smile she noticed first. That half shy, half cocky grin that lit up his face and blue eyes. She decided she was going to end the evening with him in her bed. She wanted to see what his smile looked like in the morning.


11) Accidental Show

He wandered into the bathroom when he saw her. He froze, watching droplets of water race down her sensual body, before his eyes matched hers. He blushed furiously before running out, dropping his towel as he did. She smirked silently, knowing it had only been an accident.


12) A Gift

Alice tugged at the knot on her blindfold as the last ripples of her orgasm faded away. Finally, she came face to face with the man her wife had chosen for her. She smiled; he looked as good as he’d felt.


13) Strange Footsteps

My heart pounds as I try to outrun him.

His palm feels sweaty as he grabs my hand, turning me to face him. My scarf in his hand. An apology in his eyes.

Fear throbs in my veins; I see him for the first time and he is forgiven.


14) Fresh

Arry barely noticed the heaviness of the atmosphere anymore. Faces around him were replaced by gray hoods, masking any sign of life or emotion. He was startled by the sudden appearance of deep green. How long had those eyes been staring at him?


15) Office Crush

Her face flushed when she met his smiling gaze across the office. Her breath caught, just as it does every morning when she first sees him. She felt a rush, lightheaded, her whole body aflutter and alive with sensations she didn’t fully understand.


16) Kelpie

Eyes pierce pearled scales across buttocks. Usually, women avert eyes; brutish men oggle.
Sleekit selkie arches spine; sways face upwards.

Drowning in our first glance: sirens to each other. Lips kiss through glass. Barely-netted, bonny nipples bob.

Solitary bubble.

Freakshow medusas stare.
We gasp. Tears thrashed away with my tail.


17) Unforgettable

Looking around the room, she was able to pick him out by cock; that girth and length was food for fantasies. He knew it was her by those unforgettable lips; luscious and bright red that curved into a knowing smile when they locked eyes for the first time.


18) Stair Case

A tight turn of landing at the top of the flats, eyes catch in passing, a shimmy, a grin. He’s a big lovely lump, all shocked hair and glasses, she’s sine waves of chestnut, and freckled cream skin.


19) Reflection

When their eyes first locked, Chloe’s skin flushed. Staring into his keen blue eyes, drawn into an abyss of longing and desire, her clit began to twitch and throb with excitement. She was looking into the depths of his soul, and what she saw was a mirror to her own.


20) The Offering

I kneel, naked and obedient, eyes to the floor while fancy men’s shoes shuffle by, voices low and taunting. Wet. Ready. Slut.

Delicate ankles atop wine suede heels fill my limited view. My chin slowly rises, recalcitrant. Shameful wide eyes meet hers, teasing and enticing. My cunt flutters.


21) Horny Helper

Mr. Jackson, the football coach seeking fundraiser volunteers, was the definition of lust at first sight. I sat across from the Idris Elba clone, imprisoned in his sultry gaze throughout the PTA meeting. His burly shoulders, musky cologne, and full lips made my pussy clench. Where do I sign up?


22) The bus

The driver hit the brakes – hard.
She noticed his firmness and smell – lean and enticing.
He wondered if that hand was there a little too long.
She wondered what stop he was getting off and how much time she had to get his number….


23) Bergamot Summer

On the bus home, summer was evaporating from every pore of my body. A guy comes, sits, invades my space with his long tanned legs. Heat acts like glue between his skin and mine. He smells of bergamot and soap. I glance, he catches my stare by surprise. We smile.


24) The Waterfall

The cold black water rushed over the cliff, onto his dark curls, and taut chest. He moved slowly, carelessly wiping the soap across his sun burnished body, and absently fondling his cock. He was startled to see her; staring, fingers deep in her cunt, and pleasure on her face.


25) Them. Now

They got stuck midway in each other’s breath. She felt it through her chest as if, with a remote control he’d pressed pause on her heart and then fast forward. He looked directly into her emerald eyes and felt drugged. Palms sweaty. Textbook nervous. Only they existed. Them… and now.


26) Play Me

She shot me a quick glance and used to men eyeing her, she winked with a playful smirk and that only aroused my mental and physical curiosity. I wondered if her touch could make my body scream like her guitar did that night.


27) Xenophilia

The moment I looked past my reflection in her spacesuit visor, she took my breath away. Her skin was blue, a purple flush rising in her cheeks as our gazes met. She was nothing like anyone I’d ever seen before. I wanted to stay there, floating, looking at her forever.


28) Oral Affair

The mirror showed a stranger bringing to life the wild curls between my wife’s thighs, his head moving like music as her body danced to the rhythm of his tongue. As a powerful exhale sculpted a path through her bourbon bush his hungry, emerald eyes caught my shadow creeping closer.


29) Succubus

These humans are just meat, a means to fill the agonising hole in her being. But tonight, Aeznell is drawn by something other than just the heady pheromonal cocktail.
Finally, she sees him waiting. Their eyes lock and the darkness within her surges, her cunt throbbing with power.
Feeding time.


30) Morning Coffee

Shivering in the pale January sunlight filtering through the cafe window, she tugged the gauzy scarf tighter around her throat. She heard the bell over the door tinkle, and glanced up as he came in; their eyes locked for an instant, and she felt an immediate thrill of desire.


31) Blind Date

He burst into the pub with a snow flurry and she sat up straight, nervously smoothing her hair as he scrubbed his glasses with his tie. Then his blue eyes caught hers. The busy pub went silent, her cheeks flushed and his warm smile spread over her like a sunrise.


32) Night Eyes

He was rock hard. No woman had done that, just by staring – staring with ‘come to bed’ eyes. She only had to ask…
His cheeky grin drilled an ache between her thighs. She smiled back, chest banging inside her like no lover had. Yet. She licked her fangs.


33) Scenic Route

Victoria followed the trail of dirty panties littering the floor beyond Diego’s unlocked apartment door like a timeline of their postal adventures. Their first meeting hinged on adherence to her instructions. Triumph bloomed when she reached his grin and obedient offering, her lavender G-string, tightly encircling his cock and balls.


34) In Hand

Had she known, when he offered his hand to shake, that these were the fingers that would one day be wrapped around the handle of the riding crop painting stripes of fire across her rear, she might have paid it more attention.


35) Eyes Connect

Their eyes connect as he walks in the room. Together their souls intertwine, bright as the stars and moon. Heart beats rooted as one and bodies combine. The fire within meets as they embrace in time. Quenching the thirst as they release the ecstasy in their minds.


36) Completely Mesmerised

Her blue eyes swept across the room, and when her gaze met mine, the party around us stopped. She pushed a lock of blonde hair behind her ear and gently pulled her bottom lip between her perfect teeth. I was completely mesmerized from the first moment I saw her.


37) Homecoming

She rounded the corner and walked into his strong body. The smell of sweat and diesel fuel surrounded her, along with strong arms. Her heart fluttered with a profound feeling as their eyes met. Her soul sang with relief as recognition of home flooded them both.


38) Thunder Road

Parked on a country lane, they’re in the back seat and at each other’s buttons. Lips on necks, hands on breasts, fingers hunting sweating skin beneath tight clothing. Hard bodies press together–hot, wet, sticky, panting–desperate to escape into one another and be freed.


39) The Station

The chaotic noise that was previously present in the station had gone, replaced by silence – a vacuum where only you and I existed, our eyes locked, walking towards each other, the space closing, replaced by a warmth, we touched hands, an embrace and a smile passed between us.


40) Eyes Up

I lick the rim of my glass as my waitress leans across to gather my empties. Breasts billowing into the curve of her neckline, I can taste her cinnamon skin oil, feel her swell against my lips. She straightens. Notices my sight line. Grins with one side of her mouth.


41) Glance Encounter

The lid of my coffee cup disappeared, upon the horizon arose your eyes, catching mine. The green color, drew me in. I saw you blush, your cheeks redden; I felt a sudden rush of anticipation. I needed to know the thoughts behind the twinkle in your inviting smile.


42) Blind fate

Business calls only at first. Targets! Then little jokes. Playful compliments. Isabelle imagined him. Green eyes? Nice bum? Friday afternoon. Terrace. A man came from the left, Adonis from the right. Her date? Isabelle looked right, then left. Saw the grubby man coming smiling towards her.


43) Clasp

Fuck him.
Not that I would. More money than taste, as far as jewels go, but my god! his taste in women is superb. He introduces wifey, then swaggers off to leave us girls to it.
Our hands touch. Her silken throat makes glittering fortunes seem tawdry.


44) First Time

I heard him come in, heard muffled conversation. The receptionist called my name. I walked in, struggling to balance on ridiculous heels. I greeted him, gave him a peck on the cheek. He stuttered a reply. I smelt sweat, smelt fear. I wanted him.


45) First Touch

He arranged himself as she had instructed: knees bent, head down.
Shirt off.
The door opened. He saw her boots, hard and black, and trembled. He risked peeking up, saw her hard eyes and cruel smile, then felt her lash on his back.
The pain was worth it.


46) Tick Tock

Under the clock, waiting, trembling, heart racing. The rose, in button hole, makes people look, will she get the joke? The seconds tick, tock then she arrives, nervous to look at the clock. Their eyes lock, the sun shines making hers twinkle. The vision burnt to the minds eye forever.


47) Finger lust

It’s her hands. The long slim fingers, the well-kept nails with purple polish. He swallows hard watching the moist tip of her tongue lick her thumb as she counts out his notes on the cashier’s desk. Her name tag dangles on her ample bosom. It says Natasha.


48) Stranger Danger

Jet black skin gleamed next to a white silk dress. The light of recognition illuminated her onyx eyes, but I never would have forgotten her dazzling face. When she danced closer, I caught whiffs of warm caramel. Soft lips, round hips. She was a stranger and I was in danger.


49) Internet Meet

The email instructed Kimberly to arrive at three bells, wearing a pink shawl. Finally she would meet Greg, the man she had fallen for over the internet.

The door creaking as she pushed it open. Her every nerve on edge.

A shriek then silence. Suddenly a tea pot sang out.


50) Marriage

Repulsion pierced their thoughts; a thousand shards of bitter glass exploding in the brain as angry blood pulsed from heart to cunt and stayed there, swelling unwelcomely.
The crowd parted and they advanced towards one another, their bodies united in disgust and lust.


51) The Booth

She caught his eyes through the glass, lowering her top.
Pinching her nipples, she freed them from her bra.
His cock twitched in anticipation. She would do.
Slipping the cash through the slot, he reached down his pants as she lifted her skirt.
He loved this place. What a show.


52) Losing Everything

When Molly first saw Eliza, her eyes slid up legs encased in shimmery stockings and the green silk mini-dress hugging her full curves. When she made it to Eliza’s laughing blue eyes, she lost everything. Self control. Bad memories. And later, in the back of Eliza’s car, her panties.


53) Membership Perks

She owned him the moment his gaze left her ass and met her determined stare in the mirror. Thighs in parallel squat position, barbell across her carved traps, glutes round, tight. Before he could offer to spot her, she rose with force into a powerlift. She didn’t need him.


54) Her Scent

Honeysuckle. It took a moment to recognize the fragrance that lingered, forcing my eyes to follow its trail to the source. She turned, like she could feel me watching her. She smiled. My face warmed. I could think of nothing but licking her, anywhere and everywhere.


55) Room 218

You want the first time we meet to be as I open the door to the hotel bedroom.
I already know what you will be wearing for me.
You don’t yet know what I have in store for you.


56) Anticipation

The blood on my skin was still warm and my cock so erect it hurt. Looking up from the carnage, I watched the door open. The detective always came to see my artistry. Now she could see the artist. I smiled as she stared up at me, stunned but fearless.


57) Wardrobe Malfunction

She sensed the stare and looked up crossly. His friendly eyes were grinning cheekily.
Irritated, she glared back. He slowly traced a line across his neck with a finger.
Outraged, she flounced into the next carriage in a huff when she realized she still had her studded leather collar on.


58) Succubus’ Mark

Ambling down the hill and across the street, she casually walks along a popular jogging path. Spotting him in the distance, she makes her face reads nonchalance. Passing each other, they exchange nods and slight smiles.

Oh yes, she thinks, this latest prey will be quite worth the effort.


59) First look

She could feel it in her cunt. That first look, first glance, first connection; she could feel it in her cunt. A liquid warmth that filled her and drowned her and spilled over, drenching her entirely. How could she ever look away?


60) Next

She wants my number.
Why wouldn’t she? Women love green eyes, muscle and a little stubble. She plays with the zip on her nurses’ uniform; it’s not because the air-con is on the fritz.
An eyebrow raised, she mouths again, pointing at the digital readout. She wants my number. Oh.


61) One Vision

I pushed the door open and there she was –my kinky blind date. She stood in just a man’s shirt, sucking a lollipop.

Slowly, she drew it past her cherry lips. Loud slurps preceding an audible ‘pop’ left no mistaking her intentions. I closed the door loosening my tie.


62) On loan

She’s kneeling, naked from the waist down, blindfolded, gagged, a sign on her chest saying ‘Grope me’: a captivating mix of vulnerability and power. As he slips his fingers knuckle- deep inside someone else’s property he lifts the blindfold. Her blue eyes meet his, alive with surprise and welcome.


63) People Watching

A crowded café. Magpie eyes drawn to a sparkling pendant, then ensnared by silky smooth skin covering kissable clavicles until her movement exposes delectable curve of breast. A trouser-trapped twitch of bewitched appreciation guilts my voyeuristic vision upwards where it’s met by her bemused blues.


64) Bar Fly

She scanned the crowd looking for her friend… and saw him staring unabashedly at her. He licked something off of his finger, and suddenly her dress felt too thin.

He drank in her curves…he could practically feel her smooth skin on his lips. He needed to know her.


65) Perpetual Adversary

That voice. Deep and gravelly, sending spikes of heat through her even before she turns. There’s hair-pulling, biting, licking on her mind as she takes him in, her eyes dropping down to his – name tag? Oh. Fuck. It can’t be him.
But of course, he is.


66) Losing myself

He was sitting on a sofa, a girl stretched over his lap – raining down blows on her behind.
Standing in the doorway, transfixed, I imagined myself in her place, exposed and at his mercy. He glanced up – locking eyes with me, and simply nodded. I was next.


67) May I?

Black rimmed eyes, winged perfect. A bold red lip, careful fingers slipping around a coupe. Tweed three-piece, he straightens his tie, she raises an eyebrow. She is unimpressed, but watching. He moves to the stool next to her and looks down at it. She considers and then nods, yes.


68) Knee-trembler

It was a bit of business in the blackout. She unbuttoned my flies and I breathed in her perfume as we manoeuvred blindly in the alley. Then the sudden white flash of an incendiary bomb, freeze-framed us, and we saw the sad desperation inhabiting our tired eyes.


69) Dessert

Getting dressed had been stressful. Not too much clothing. Easy to take off and proud of the curves. Age could show, no, should show all 64 years. Remembering pictures, the risqué emails.
Their first eye contact, the bare-skin touch guiding the other into the booth. Ready for dinner and dessert.


70) Sympatico

The dance floor throbs beneath the crowd and the dancers undulate like a single entity, limbs entangled. Eyes meet through the sweat and the fog, two cool blue pools swirling; a smile, a nod, a lower lip crushed between teeth. Magnetism makes their dance seamless, desire makes their dance endless.


71) Haunting Beauty

He tugs my collar; I follow. But we’re not in the alley for another quickie.
He leads me through a kitchen, past chefs objecting to my intrusion on their domain, into a walk-in freezer.
Frost coats his body. For the first time, I see him: his form, his exquisite horror.


72) Kerosene Heat

She points at me.

My friends cheer. Hesitant, I stand and approach her. She tells me not to move.

Nose to nose, she spins her fire around us. Sparks sting my cheeks while her fiery smile melts me from the inside out.

I couldn’t move if I tried.


73) The Party

She knelt. Conversation swirled around her. She swallowed and wiped her mouth, then felt a hand on her head, tipping it back. She opened her mouth obediently. Suddenly, unexpectedly, her blindfold was removed, and she looked up into the eyes of the next man in line.


74) Pleasure, Madame

Her dress was white, demure. Anna’s was the color of wine, resting high on her thighs. She saw the restrained sexuality in the other woman’s graceful movements. She wanted to peel the dress off of her. Anna sipped her wine, the other woman glanced at her mouth. A heated gaze.


75) First Glance

Detecting the distant clicks of stilettos, scanning for her, his heart begins to race. He spots her striking form, showcased beneath a sheer sundress, and drinks her in as the topmost buttons dance in unison with each step. Never breaking his gaze, she raises her sunglasses and their eyes lock.


76) The Funeral

This was the wrong place for arousal.
My mentor’s casket commanded everyone’s attention but my own. I was transfixed by his daughter as she approached the bier. The modest, black attire hugged her figure and I couldn’t ignore her body’s movements.
Her eyes found mine. I swallowed and she spoke.


77) The Gaze

He would always remember the look on her face as he saw her standing at the far end of the bar. Her expression was curious – questioning. A gaze unafraid let him know she’d noticed him – that she wanted him. And he could not stop himself from wanting her.


78) Unbuckling

Five miles to calm the butterflies feasting on anticipation. Four pings: a set of instructions as I slid my underwear down in the back of the taxi. Three steps up to your door. Two eyes widening, at the noise of one belt unbuckling. Only then did I truly see you.


79) One Desire

He watched her walk into the restaurant. She had long, brown hair curled around fair skin with full, pink lips. He wanted to taste her mouth.
She found him. He was tall with brilliant, blue eyes and arms she wanted to lose herself in.
Two gazes became one desire.


80) Butterflies

His irises fluttered like butterfly wings. His eye color and the movement of his eyes was unnatural, but natural too like Goethe had said. Her eyes and heart fluttered mirroring him, their energy synchronized as it moved lower down her body…


81) Ink

His hand in her filthy mouth before she licks his shoulder. Then she bites him, touches his tattoo. Spit everywhere — and fingers! She wants to slide against his hardness with motion soft. She can’t stop looking at his photo, nude; she wonders what he is thinking of hers.


82) Living Fever

Smoke drifted from her ripped Columbia sweatshirt that didn’t reach far enough down her bare hips. Wisps of moisture steamed from her thighs into the chill night. I offered her my Edgar Allan Poe throw as firetrucks wailed to the apartments. She wreathed it around us both, and smiled.


83) Striking

He caught my eye the moment I walked in. Broad shoulders, a rich, masculine beard, toned muscles that were neither too scrawny nor overly brawny, and dark, smouldering eyes that made me want him to undress me slowly and purposefully. But sitting with his friends, my longing stare went unnoticed.


84) OK, Cupid

No bells, no trumpets. Only a catch of breath and a rush of blood, hers and his, as he tips an imaginary hat and strolls closer. She’s wearing her best smile; he, his favourite shirt. Pictures have done proper justice to neither.
The winged cherub smirks, and carefully takes aim.


85) Startled

She spun with a yelp, one hand on her chest, already laughing, embarrassed.
She’d startled him too, she could tell by his own quick burst of laughter. His hands were poised as if to steady her but they fell as she faced him.
He had a nice smile.


86) Tasting Menu

Emma let Steve’s cock slip from her mouth and scanned the room. Heat rose from the mass of bodies joined together like Tetris pieces on the warehouse floor. A tall, loose-limbed man padded over, erection bobbing in front of him. His shy grin cut through her.

She nodded once. Yes.


87) Collision

Our eyes meet across the cacophony of rock music and grinding bodies. I hold your glance as we dance through the crowd to each other. You touch my face, slick with sweat, grab my hand, pull me outside. Fresh air washes over us. You turn and our lips collide.


88) Modern love

She nervously waited at the bus terminal for her boyfriend. Up until now their relationship was long distance.
She spotted him in the crowd and they shared a look of lust and excitement before running toward each other.


89) First Date

I knock on the door. When it opens, I draw in a sharp breath. We’d exchanged pictures, but he’s even more gorgeous in person.

My eyes travel down his naked body, stopping at his caged cock.

In my clammy palm, I clutch the key he sent me.


90) First light

Muscles aching, my ears strain to hear past the drumbeat of my heart. I shiver as a whisper of hot breath grazes my exposed neck. Hands grasp the blindfold, tearing it free. Blinking against the sudden brightness I find myself lost in the intensity of a stranger’s impenetrable gaze.


91) Bright Eyes

She straightened her skirt as his cum leaked onto her panties. He stepped out the door onto the crowded street and vanished- she’d see him at home later. She checked her watch and walked the other way straight into the chest of another and looked up into sparkling bright eyes.


92) The Urge

They were in their late 30’s. He was topless with a nice body. He was feeling her breasts. She was rubbing his bulge though his jeans. I watched she climbed on top of him flashing me her shaven pussy. I could feel my pussy starting to flow.

I WANTED THEM


93) He Knew

Cold outside? Yes. A toasty apartment? You better believe it. It was the night of the polar vortex. There was nowhere else to go. My boyfriend was waiting for me. As soon as I walked in the door, he knew exactly what to do. The look said it all.


94) Mine

Eyes touch like a caress. Not a thunder clap, but a whisper full of decedent promises. A candle-flicker smile that lights up my darkest fantasies. We’re strangers, yet I taste her skin and vibrate with the sounds of her ecstasy. One word pounding between us like a battle drum: MINE.


95) Revelation Game

Wrestling in the pitch black, I’m on my back, a stranger’s mouth between my legs. I twist, claw until on top, sucking the unfamiliar shaft deep, making him groan. Then shift, lift, settle, needful, impaling myself. The light goes on. Our eyes meet for the first time, as we come.


96) Be Professional

I see her: slight frame hidden by her oversized lab coat, face obscured by thick framed glasses. I am professional. I hide my desire, but she blushes when I catch her eye. In my mind, I wrap my arms around her, grabbing handfuls of thick auburn hair, kissing her neck.


97) Greeting Chantelle

John walks into the bar and notices Chantelle sitting alone with her wine. He sits beside her and orders two drinks.

Chantelle looks over and blushes as they make eye contact. She pushes her fringe behind her ear as a smirk runs across her face.


98) First Possession

Hastily navigating the path, their eyes never left each other. It was as if a rare-earth magnet was pulling them together. Finally meeting face-to-face, their lips millimeters apart, he pulls her to his chest and his fingers press into the supple flesh of her waist. “MINE!” He loudly proclaims.


99) Prey

He devoured the object of his desire lustily with his eyes. As she watched him, her gaze poured into his soul, touching the animalistic need that lingered there. She was what he craved. A lick of her lips followed by a smile and the hunt for his prey began.


100) Food Court

One day in the cafeteria a tray plunks down in front of me, followed by a crisp white blouse with barely a bump. Small tits turn me on: I’m interested. She’s staring at me now. Flummoxed, I noisily unwrap my straw as I fumble for my name.


101) Auction Block

Number seven. The buyer paused as her dark eyes traveled down his physique. He held her gaze when it rose again. Her fingers retraced the path; he failed to flinch, even when she tested the size and heft of his manhood. She smirked, gave an amused breath, and moved on.


102) Medusa

He wanted to see her. To have more than an unseeing fumble. He begged, he pleaded, he whispered beseechingly into her soft thighs. She reached out from under him and flicked on the lights. Naked and trembling, she lay before him like an offering.

His heart stopped.


62 comments

  1. I wish I had leisure and energy to be able to comment on every single piece. Sadly though, life gets in the way so I shall follow Marie’s advice and pick three I especially liked, and three that appealed to me less.

    Admiration

    13-Strange Footsteps. The short sentences in this piece give a sense of breathless urgency to the tension of the scene and there isn’t a single wasted or redundant word. It’s really tough to get a story arc and sympathetic characters into so few words, but the writer has done this with great skill.

    47-Finger lust. I really like how the writer pulls the reader’s attention straight into the observing character’s perspective, like a close-focus camera shot that then pulls back to show more of the scene. Overtones of erotic fascination are cleverly laid over elements of a commonplace scenario by describing his reaction to the details that catch his attention.

    62-On loan. Right from the first words, this is hot as fuck. Then it gets even hotter. Then there’s a flash of sweetness that takes the reader below the BDSM erotica surface and touches the reality of the characters within. Description, action and connection all in less than 50 words – now that’s impressive.

    Critical observations

    35-Eyes connect. I totally understand what the writer is getting at – the thrill of a first encounter – and the extravagant imagery is totally appropriate to describe this….but maybe a little too appropriate, perhaps bordering on cliche. I’d have liked to get more of a sense of the characters or the circumstances in order to be able to relate to the intensity of their meeting. Perhaps this could be achieved by picking one metaphor and expounding on it in relation to the two people rather than using an array of rather impersonal comparisons. The imagery is great, and I reckon that given a higher word count to play with, this writer could flourish.

    48-Stranger danger. The scene is cleverly established with just a few words hinting at the setting. The phrase ‘jet black skin’ jarred a bit though – it’s a bit too obvious. By comparison, the use of ‘onyx eyes’ is much more original and appropriate to the feature being described. I’d advise the writer to try to actively identify stock phrases in their work and make a conscious effort to replace them with more original versions. I liked the use of similar-sounding words to emphasise the conclusion of the piece.

    85-Startled. The way this tale has been told lifts it above the mundane encounter it describes and makes it charming. While I understand – and agree with – the decision to keep the characters anonymous, using different descriptors instead of repeating the same pronouns (she, him, his, her) would add life and colour to the piece. For example, “steady hands” rather than “his hands”, or “surprise tumbled from” to replace “she could tell by”. Also; “nice smile” doesn’t say much about the smile – “warm smile” or “handsome smile” or “cheeky smile” would help the reader picture the scene in their mind.

  2. I definitely had flashbacks to last year’s first round when I read these entries. Much like that round, I feel at least half these entries were hot but didn’t follow the prompt as the people in the stories had clearly seen each other before. That said, #52 Losing Everything was my favorite. A great blend of erotica and memory and very concise without a single wasted word. Well done.

  3. I jotted down my contenders as I read and then I had the difficult task of narrowing to vote for only 3.

    Here are my faves – what I liked about all of these is that they have a unique plot/setting. I understood what was happening, who was involved, and I was intrigued. Wanted to know more! I smiled and thought, “that’s clever” (or “haha!”) and of course, “hot!” But I tried not to simply fall for smuttiness; I like those that stick to and make something interesting of the prompt (the moment when two people first see each other), and of course those with good grammar and all that.

    4 – Arrested
    7 – The Letter
    9 – Cutting Edge
    11 – Accidental Show
    12 – A Gift
    34 – In Hand
    40 – Eyes Up
    44 – First Time
    76 – The Funeral

  4. Wow, such amazing entries! I had a very difficult time picking only three to vote. I tried to base my vote on whether it followed the required guidelines and if it sparked my inner fantasies/something I could relate to.

    10 – I really liked the tome of this one. I love the prediction/determination of the character seeing the stranger.

    11 – This one was just hot to me. It definitely sparked some of my more voyeuristic fantasies. I have always loved/got hot at the idea of “accidentally” seeing a stranger naked and walking in on them somehow.

    14 – I liked this one because it leaves so much to the imagination, but after a few more reads it is quite clear.

    15 – This one hit home because my last job was an office where I met my significant other. The title described us perfectly in the beginning days. We were each other’s office crush.

    41 – This one stood out to me because coffee. In all seriousness though, this reminded me of years back, meeting strangers for coffee to see if there was any kind of spark. I really liked the subtle metaphor of horizon, making me think of sunsets and sunrises.

    48 – I liked this one mostly because the last line made me chuckle. I was also able to picture this moment perfectly, even down to the smell of warm caramel (my favorite).

    89 – This one was a fun read because it definitely hit some of my darker fantasies. The idea of being given that kind of control is just so sexy.

    Great reads everyone, and good luck on the next round.

  5. My top three

    35 – Eyes Connect – Vivid imagery, cleverly written as an almost poem.
    78 – unbuckling – very well chosen words using the descending numbers of things to bring us to climax
    86 – tasting menu – very well depicted orgy scene

    What I didn’t vote for:

    49 – Internet Meet – I don’t really think the writer had a firm idea of what they were doing with this story. Teapots do not sing out, not even in short stories.
    46 – Tick Tock – Sloppily written and sloppily proof read: it has a missing apostrophe!
    38 – Thunder Road – not well written, the language isn’t carefully chosen and the result is very unsatisfying.

  6. When a piece of fiction is this short there is one thing that makes it enjoyable for me. It’s that sense of having heard the whole story, while at the same time being able to imagine what came next, or what wider world surrounds the characters involved. I tried to do that with my own piece (whether I achieved that or not remains to be seen) which was No.13 and my votes when to the other two stories that I think did that best and they were …

    56 – The moment I read this one I knew it had my vote. Firstly it offers me an interesting theme, secondly it tells me the complete tale of this particular moment in time, while still letting me know there was definitely a before and an after worthy of another story. It was also erotic and well written in equal measure.

    84 – This was wonderful. It was fun, flirty and told me everything I needed to know about when they first see each other while leading my mind down the path of before and after. It was also well written and didn’t leave me wondering if perhaps it could have been made better. I think it was perfect as it is.

    There were also pieces I enjoyed but not having enough votes to go round they missed out on nabbing those votes off me, but only just as I really did think they were very good.

    7 – Everything a fiction this short should be. Complete as it is, but absolutely leaves room for it to develop in the reader’s mind.

    24 – The scene you painted with your words was wonderful, I love that this could either be the only moment they have together or perhaps the moment that leads to more.

    52 – Another well-formed piece of fiction, that gave me a full story and a sense of the tale being complete, while definitely allowing my mind to elaborate on the bigger picture for the characters.

    71 – This one drew me in and it offered me a complete moment, but at the same time it raised so many questions that allowed my mind to wander with what else there could be for me to know about the characters involved. I think if I’m being honest and hopefully constructive it could have been even better, I think with a little more crafting and some jiggling round of the sentence structure and some alternate phrasing it would have been even more of a gem. This one very nearly got my vote and would have done if I a) didn’t have an entry in here myself or b) one of the two stories I did vote for had missed even a single beat in their stories.

    Part of what Marie asks us to do when we leave feedback it make it constructive, which isn’t the easiest task. My feedback below is pieces that I think either met the brief in premise but didn’t quite hit the spot for me in terms of structure, pace or writing or pieces that I thought were well written and full of potential but just didn’t seem relevant in terms of the given assignment.

    14 – As part of a larger piece I suspect this would work really well, I think at the given word count though it just didn’t have enough information to feel fully formed to my mind. While it was well written I feel like it’s missing a piece of the puzzle.

    16 – I wanted to love this one. The title and the content are 100% a theme I am into, and I love the rhythm and sway of the piece but I couldn’t really see what was happening. It feels like a smaller section of a larger piece and without the additional information, I was a bit lost. Which is a real shame because it is beautifully worded.

    38 – I think observing the last SM as I closely as I did has made me a stickler for following the assignment brief, for me this one missed it. While it was definitely erotic, and the smut was wonderful, I have no idea about the moment the first saw each other.

    42 – loved the idea of this one, but the structure and pace threw me off completely. I think with a little more crafting I could have voted for this. Maybe less single/two-word sentences, and a little more rhythm with a little less punch and I think this would have a been a favourite.

    Congratulations to everyone who submitted an entry to the first round, I can’t wait to see what the next round has in store for us. Good luck with the rest of your Smut Marathon journey.

    Floss 🙂

    1. Excellent and helpful remarks. I remember some of the feedback I received in the first few rounds last year, and if it were this specific, it may have altered things a bit from the beginning.

      1. Thank you Brigit 🙂 feedback is as challenging for me as the actual contest, but I think it really helps me as a writer to try and form constructive feedback, so I hope I’m doing it in a way that helps others too x

  7. Wow, what a start!

    Like last year, earlier rounds are hard to pick favourites from; there are so many entries that I feel saturated and need to come back several times to re-read. It does mean that to stand out at this stage, an author needs a very different take or perspective.

    I liked:

    27 – Xenophilia
    34 – In hand
    100 – Food court

  8. So I originally wanted to do all of the entries…but then I started reading them. 102 of these is…quite difficult to do. So instead, I did my top three that I voted for, and three that I didn’t. I won’t tell which is which, because I think the comments speak for themselves.

    15: I like this one a lot! Short, sweet, romantic…definitely well-written. Honestly this one was probably one of my favorites of the entire group. Good job!

    19: ‘The eyes are the window to the soul’, but it makes me wonder what happened to get such a mirror instead of a window, if that means they’re similar enough to be true mirrors or if they share some tragedy on their history that allows them to empathize very well.

    84: I really like this one, I have to say. Not just the mythology element, but the pun in the title too. I’m surprised though that the character didn’t hear bells or trumpets…or maybe Cupid’s just gone subtle. Good job!

    31: This is a good one. I like it! It does make me wonder though if the pub going silent is something that’s only in her head (like I’m thinking it is) or if it actually did, because I’ve seen that once or twice…

    26: Interesting subversion to me. I like this one, it’s a bit different then the others, and that’s definitely not a bad thing. Well done!

    22: If my experiences with buses is any indication, hitting the brakes is the equivalent of being shoved into the seat in front of you by two professional football players. So naturally, she’d have as much time as possible, because it just broke down. All jokes aside, this was really well written, and I like it a lot.

  9. 3 – Peep show – I think a comma after “again” would give the last words more of an impact.
    4 – Arrested – single quotes around ‘arresting’ would make this easier to read.
    19 – Reflection – I love the metaphor at the end of this.
    *25 – Them. Now. – I loved this. The first sentence drew me in and the rest was just beautiful.
    *31 – Blind Date – This was beautiful. Love the simile at the end.
    32 – Night Eyes – I liked what you were trying to do here, but I think you should think about word order and the effect it has on the reader. Also, the first comma should not be there and took me out of the piece.
    35 – Eyes Connect – I thought this piece was beautiful. A different name would do it more justice.Souls Intertwine or Bright Souls would work.
    37 – Homecoming – Very beautiful. Think about replacing “a profound feeling” with something more descriptive, or maybe even just leaving it out.
    41 – Glance Encounter – This was nice, but think about taking out the word color. You can just leave green or find a more unique word like emerald, aquamarine or jade.
    61 – One Vision – Love the visuals in this!
    80 – Butterflies – I like what you were going for here, but you could make better use of your words. Try “The color and movement of his eye was unnatural…”
    84 – OK, Cupid – So cute! Love the visuals!
    89 – First Date – Nice alliteration!

  10. Medusa – I like the idea of Medusa being romantically subdued by her curse. It makes her more endearing by having human frustrations .

  11. The Waterfall – I liked the story but I feel the language was dissonant with the tone. Cock and cunt could have been omitted. In this case I think less would have been more.

  12. This was really hard to judge!

    The prompt was tough to write to, especially in such a short form, and it was great to see how many different interpretations the writers managed to find. The stories that really stood out for me were ones that put the “first sight” element at their core, even when that limited the amount of smut that could be squeezed in as well! Solid characters and the connections between them are so important.

    Some of the things that kept stories out of my top three were: writing that was a little too flowery; writing that was not flowery enough(!); stories that relied too heavily on anonymous BDSM; inexplicably blue eyes; purely functional descriptions of arousal, and/or body parts with independent agency. (There may possibly be examples of all these lurking in my Drafts folder, but you can’t prove a thing!) Less common were stories where the POV shifted just a little strangely, or where the description of the scene was ambiguous – both these things intrude into the story, and jar the reader out of their “suspension of disbelief.”

  13. My overall (amateurish, lowest common denominator!) feedback would be that more time should be spent on checking punctuation. Also, as a personal preference, some of the writing was a little too flowery or metaphorical, which made it difficult to follow events described in so few words. Here’s what I liked and why:

    7) The Letter. Like the tension of this and where it leads the imagination at the end of the story.

    11) Accidental Show. Very sexy and enjoyed picturing a furious blush, although would have liked the towel drop to have been deliberate!

    12) A Gift. Excellent, a fantasy made believable by the matter-of-fact descriptions

    16) Kelpie. ‘Barely-netted, bonny nipples bob’ is just superb – unusual yet sexy

    28) Oral Affair. How thrilling. Is the lover supposed to be there? Or has he been caught in the act? Great that this encompasses a number of possibilities.

    37) Homecoming. ‘Recognition of home’ – lovely. Maybe another word for the second ‘strong’ would have further improved this

    43) Clasp. Superb. Unexpected, sexy developments in so few words. Not sure how the title relates though

    58) Succubus’ Mark. Enjoyed the reversal of usual roles here. ‘she makes her face reads nonchalance’ didn’t read quite right for me though

    62) On loan. Wow, very hot. Particularly liked ‘alive with surprise and welcome’ and the title greatly enhances the story

    66) Losing myself. How delightful, I like his understated confidence

    89) First Date. Very hot scenario, encompasses a lot of story into so few words.

    94) Mine. Subtle but sexy. ‘candle-flicker smile’ was wonderful.

    95) Revelation Game. What a Big Bang of an ending! Superb. ‘needful’ didn’t sit quite right for me in amongst the verbs.

    102) Medusa. Yum. Like other stories I enjoyed the use of light to illuminate that first look after so much more had already begun. Clever title too

    Amazing collection of writing, congratulations to all!

  14. I read through all the entries twice and then came up with a short list of ten. These were the 10 that most caught my attention. Please remember all readers are individual with different tastes in erotica. I am leaving this comment and then will vote in a few days, after I have re-read my top 6.

    Top 6 ~ I will vote for three among these.
    07 – Well written and like the double en-tundra and the promise of sexy things to come.
    09 – Liked this very much – stimulating in a sensory way, stirring of the senses, so for me was erotic.
    51 – The directness and no frills writing style of this one appealed to me.
    68 – Well written, witty. Vivid scene without an over use of adjective. And we actually know a rough date of when it took place.
    78 – Clever and original, flows. This is the one I kept thinking back to.
    100 – Clever play of the title. See and hear the scene as it unfolds. Distinctive writing style.

    These also made my first cut.
    21 – This one I liked. But felt the description was strong enough without including a well known person the character looked like. There is always a possibility the reader won’t like the chosen celebrity.
    34 – Liked that we are privy to two time zones. Gave me a good picture in my head. But it is a long sentence and a little clunky.
    46 – Like the use of “tick tock” in this one – that’s what caught my attention. But using “clock” and “lock” close together hampered my reading.
    64 – I like “her dress felt too thin” – yes! I get that. Not sure the first lot of ellipsis are needed and too many pronouns for me.

  15. This was so hard! So many awesome entries! So creative!!

    18- Loved the short fast feel of this piece, it still managed to convey so much.
    32- The twist at the end was a nice touch.
    42- Another nice twist and a lot happening in very few words.
    59- I wish the last line was a third repeat of the phrase, it would have set the whole thing for me. 🙂
    83- I like that it ended in nothing really happening between them.
    100- I enjoyed the mix of sexy and awkward.

  16. 53 Membership Perks – Loved everything about this. Not a cliché situation, just finding eroticism in an everyday setting. Tightly written with every word serving a purpose and a perfect ending.

    84 OK Cupid – Even though this doesn’t really fit the brief of being erotic, it grabbed my attention for the unique concept and quirky writing. Enjoyed reading it very much.

    99 – Over-written and I felt the author is trying too hard.

    97 – The author might benefit from reading in the genre to understand the nuances of what makes something erotic.

  17. So many great stories, well done everyone. It was so difficult to pick out 3 to vote for, in fact I had 29 on my possible list. For me it is about whether the story is hot and the word allowance has been used to create a picture of what is to come. I voted for 33 – this isn’t my thing, but reading your story could almost make it so. 72 – This really stood out for me as I could almost feel the heat of lust and desire. 78 – Loved that this feels like a complete story in 50 words.

    There are too many entries to pick out individuals I liked or didn’t. But key things for me: While I am no grammar expert and don’t want to go there, please do check whether a comma here or there might help the reader see the meaning you do. Use the word allowance, that’s what it is there for. You are in a competition with 101 other people, you don’t want people to read, say “that’s nice” and move on. Having said that, choosing 3 was nigh on impossible.

  18. 68) Knee Trembler
    There was a clear sense of two people seeing each other for the first time and so met it the brief. But more, it had full, dark narrative, for such few words. Sex and pain.The story was beautifully conjured into “acts” or images: the first made me laugh and the second made me cry. I loved the clarity of darkness and light. I wanted to know far more. The writer managed to get under my skin and I have caught myself thinking about the story since, and this elevation may occur because there is such a specific historical time and physical place for me. I cared for these two characters instantaneously, while also feeling their lust and pain. I am also still disturbed by the question about whether they are even still alive, or are injured: we may really have been party to the most precious sexual moment in their lives. For me, this entry, stood out head and shoulders above the others: it successfully satisfies all of the five senses.

    18) Stair Case
    Firstly it met, and then reiterated it met, the brief. Then, I simply found these two characters lovable and found myself egging them on to have sex, or at least kiss! I loved the familiarity of the sense of the awkward moment of passing someone on steps, and the warmth invested in the “lump” and the “waves of chestnut”. I liked the mundaness of the place… flats can be sexy too, and the freshness of the meeting couple. I am impressed how many senses are met, and how few words were needed. I was left certainly wanting to know more.

    9) Cutting Edge
    Firstly, I want to declare with so many entrants, this round, I have only offered feedback to those I liked ( but was not necessarily able to vote for).And I REALLY like this story, and to be honest, while struggling to narrow down from a handful to three to vote for, found myself having to say, “it doesn’t quite meet the brief of two people looking at each other”. It sounds harsh and semantic now I say it. BUT to be positive, I loved the sensuality of it, the disturbing quality of the prose. I want to know more about both characters. It feels like the amazing start to a book delivered in flashback. I read this to a colleague who went, “Bloody hell, I feel turned on, but guilty for being turned on.” I hope this comes across as praise. The excerpt beautifully captures a specific, sensual moment.

    27) Xenophilia
    Firstly, I want to declare with so many entrants, this round, I have only offered feedback to those I liked ( but was not necessarily able to vote for). This story stood out, for its specifics and the layers of seeing: through visors, through space, and the anticipation created by the distance and physical inability to touch (I wonder quietly if they EVER CAN?) This is honestly just a positive review. It meets the brief, it is sensual. I want to know more, it feels very much like an exciting beginning to a story. I am clumsily trying to explain why it did not make my top three, and I am wondering if that is simply that I would like it to have even more DIFFERENCE, for example if there was something jarring, or a specific detail, or an observation, that sets it apart from (even just slightly more) from the sci-fi I have read before.
    BUT, TO BE CLEAR, I DO LOVE IT!

    34) In Hand
    Firstly, I want to declare with so many entrants, this round, I have only offered feedback to those I liked ( but was not necessarily able to vote for). I love this story. It made me make an audible noise of amusement and being a little turned on. The observation is paired down, but sexual and sensual, there is a strong sense of anticipation and action, and actual sexual activity (potentially difficult to achieve in a handful of words), alongside a warmth and humour that leaves me willing them on! It didn’t make my top three only because with so many entrants I had to scrutinise, from those that REALLY LOVED, those that best met the brief,and it did not actually include eyes meeting (it sounds ruthless, but I had to choose somehow!) The overall point is that I really loved this piece of writing!

    69) Dessert
    Firstly, I want to declare with so many entrants, this round, I have only offered feedback to those I liked ( but was not necessarily able to vote for). I loved the fact that this entry celebrated sexiness in someone who was older, and not the trope of young and nubile. I enjoyed the play on the senses and the play on the idea of what was “dessert”. I admired the simplicity and economy of the words conjuring up the ritual: the pleasant, seductive and sexy experience of getting dressed and ready, and the excitement of arriving and getting seated for a meal with someone you are attracted to… while equally loving the sexiness of someone internal voice when they are nervous, and humanising beauty of someone’s vulnerability of their self doubt.

  19. 6) Very evocative, I could see the whole scene and get how you felt it was for you.
    57) Brilliant, clearly the best in my opinion, got so much into just a few words, getting a twist in, is impressive and funny
    72) This one was just hot there was heat everywhere
    4) I like hearing Maria’s inner voice and saying the thing I would have said
    13)I could feel the fear, I get the feeling you had to take some text out to meet the 50 words so the twist is less clear.
    42) I enjoyed the comedy, with most people heading to the romantic and fantasy you took an independent route
    65) Although the task was about sight. You were one of the only people to include other senses and therfore making it seem more realistic

  20. This was a tough decision, with so many to choose from this first round. I read through all off the entries once and marked down all of those that grabbed my attention: 6, 9, 17, 20, 33, 43, 54, 63, 64, 67, 71, 74, 76, 78, 82, 84, 94, 100. Then I went back and re-read those again. I cut any entries that didn’t tell a story within the short amount of words allotted. It’s tough to build characters and create a situation that a reader can care about in so few words, but it helped me to narrow the list down further: 6, 9, 33, 76, 78, 82, 100. I walked away for a few days and then returned to make my final decision: 78, 82, and 100. These three I felt did the best job of creating characters with dimension, a conflict or situation, and avoided the cliched “their eyes met from across the room” scenario. I really loved 100 for it’s simplicity. It didn’t try too hard with language, and yet it was still effective in every way. 63 did, in my opinion, try too hard with language causing the prose to purple (alliteration), which is why I crossed it off my list in the second read-through. 82 was perfect. Not only were there intricate details (the Columbia sweatshirt that barely covers her…the Poe blanket) but there was conflict (the fire) that would naturally bring them together for a first encounter. And 78: the numbers were a creative momentum builder. Very tight writing. So many of the others were easily overlooked because they were so similar…two strangers making eye contact from across a crowed room. As far as style, I noticed that those pieces starting with an action or a place were stronger from the start than those that started with a person or a pronoun. And many of the pieces didn’t really tell a story, so they were also easy to pass by, especially given the competition. Great start! I’m excited to read the next round and to see the results. Can’t wait to see who wrote the pieces I chose! Congratulations to every single one of you who took part in this round. I know just how it feels!

  21. 76 I like much I’m not sure what constructive comment would help on this one, it was very much an instant like and the settings is really working for me!

    74 yes, really like this one. I would not necessarily associate restrained sexuality with graceful, seems too sweet in a way.

    64 is really good, should have stayed at the first paragraph, the second one feels like it needed a bit more work to come to the level of the first one, feels a little unfinished and a lot less efficient in describing the situation

    63 I like but would have been better for me with knowing blues instead of bemused. Additionally I find it a little confused in the wording. Feels a couple of small joining words or should it have been a poem. Just a fraction disjointed although the story was one of my favourite

    44 repetition of smelt distracts from the point And the power distribution is a bit confused, Is he the one fearing or is she…

    34 really love it. Hands fascinates me and again instant love! Well built, I want more of this one!!

  22. Ahhh Smut Marathon, we meet again. Yes I enjoyed it so much last year that I couldn’t resist being a judge again this year so you will have to put up with my feedback again. I tried very hard last time to make sure that the comments I left here were constructive and helpful in some way, although that can be super tough at times and I am sure I failed on occasion, but I shall strive to do my best again this year.

    As like last year, if you want to discuss any feedback I have left here, or ask for help, or for me to give more thoughts on your piece then please feel free to get in touch with me. Either DM on me on Twitter or email molly@mollysdailykiss.com.

    So let’s take a look at the opening round.

    I am not going to leave individual feedback on every single piece. I have a conference to organise as well all my other work and I just don’t have the time to do that. (If you want to discuss your piece with me though I refer you back to above) Instead I have some overarching thoughts and feedback on the pieces I voted for plus a few other random ones that inspired more in depth thought.

    So the length of the piece meant you have very few words with which to make an impact and that is where a lot of people went wrong in my opinion, because they didn’t make an impact. The thing you you need to ask yourself when writing something like this (actually when writing anything but it is maybe extra important in a super short piece) is; Who, What, Why, When, Where? You don’t have to answer all of those questions obviously but if your piece doesn’t answer any of them then it is unlikely to grab attention. It might be beautiful writing but it is beautiful writing that is potentially without any context.

    One of the key things about the Smut Marathon is that you have to be a little brave. If you look back at the writers who did well last year then you will see that by and large their writing stood out because not only was it well written, but it grabbed your attention for whatever reason, they picked an usual setting, an usual hero or heroine, there was an unexpected twist at the end etc and they always answered some of the W questions I mentioned a moment ago but sometimes (often) left you wanting more too, which is always something worth experimenting with.

    The other mistake that people have made is going for the obvious. Again, in Smut Marathon I think it pays to try really hard to avoid that. On this occasion the thing that springs to mind is the blindfold reveal. There are a significant amount of those stories here, and sadly, that means for yours to stand out it needs to be very different which mostly they are not. My advice is always think about how you can twist or push something, especially if it is the first idea that comes to mind. So if you really liked the blindfold stranger sex reveal idea, how could you make it so different that even if others had done it yours would stand out because you twisted it somehow?

    After my first read through I had a short list of 32 pieces. They are the ones that grabbed my attention for some reason. Then I read again and again until I got to my final 9

    Here are some thoughts on some that got close but didn’t make it

    Here are some thoughts on some that got close but didn’t make it

    10) Blue Eyes

    It was his smile she noticed first. That half shy, half cocky grin that lit up his face and blue eyes. She decided she was going to end the evening with him in her bed. She wanted to see what his smile looked like in the morning.

    I really liked this. She comes across as strong and confident that she can get what she wants but Who, What, Why, When, Where? We kind of know the why but maybe something like It was his smile she noticed first across the…… and put them somewhere unusual other than an obvious place like a bar and I think you have a much stronger piece.

    11) Accidental Show

    He wandered into the bathroom when he saw her. He froze, watching droplets of water race down her sensual body, before his eyes matched hers. He blushed furiously before running out, dropping his towel as he did. She smirked silently, knowing it had only been an accident.

    Change the opening line to, He realised he was in the wrong changing room when he saw her and you have given the reader a setting, as it is I wonder why a man is just wandering into her bathroom.

    9) Cutting Edge

    He twisted the knife, his blade doing the work. Her eyes became soft and unfocused as she crumpled from his arms, and he noticed how piercing a shade of blue they were, even as they faded. The assassin shook his head in sorrow; it was always the pretty ones.

    This one came close to getting votes. I liked the mini story here but I feel like he would have seen her before killing her and despite the fact I love a bit of murder and sex there is not much erotisim to this encounter. It is however excellent writing.

    32) Night Eyes

    He was rock hard. No woman had done that, just by staring – staring with ‘come to bed’ eyes. She only had to ask…
    His cheeky grin drilled an ache between her thighs. She smiled back, chest banging inside her like no lover had. Yet. She licked her fangs.

    This was on my first list but then when I re-read it I realised it had some problems. “Chest banging inside her” just feels awkard. Heart banging inside her chest maybe…. and “like no lover had.” Had what?

    52) Losing Everything

    When Molly first saw Eliza, her eyes slid up legs encased in shimmery stockings and the green silk mini-dress hugging her full curves. When she made it to Eliza’s laughing blue eyes, she lost everything. Self control. Bad memories. And later, in the back of Eliza’s car, her panties.

    This one also made my first short list. Maybe Molly caught my eye. But on further reading it just feels like something is missing and I think it is context again. Maybe ” When Molly first saw Eliza” at the ? And you had placed them somewhere it would have made it a much stronger piece.

    66) Losing myself

    He was sitting on a sofa, a girl stretched over his lap – raining down blows on her behind.
    Standing in the doorway, transfixed, I imagined myself in her place, exposed and at his mercy. He glanced up – locking eyes with me, and simply nodded. I was next.

    This one came super close to my final 9. I think where you went wrong is the end. “I was next” it just felt too final. He looked up, our eyes met. I felt like he was reading my mind. Not sure that is right but something that hints feels like it would have worked better.

    And now my votes

    10. 21) Horny Helper
    I struggled to pick between this and the The Bus for the 10 points and if I could award 2 lots of 10 I would have done but in the end this one had to come first because it covers so many of the who, why etc. It is truly a mini story in under 50 words and I salute whoever wrote it.

    9. 22) The Bus

    This is so good. Simple but effective. I can totally picture this moment. I don’t need to know what they look like or who they are because this piece allows me to be them. I wish I had something to offer of how you could improve it to get the 10 points but there isn’t really anything that springs to mind.

    8. 53) Membership Perks

    You never mention the gym by name but you don’t have to because you have painted such a vivid picture I know exactly where they are and can even picture them, her all strong and toned, him transfixed by her. There is so much potential for this to be a longer story but it works so well just as this snippet too.

    7. 34) In Hand
    You totally nailed it in just 42 words. Even though you don’t give us any descriptions the who and the why of this meeting is so important is absolutely evident and this piece is delicious in its on right but also leaves me really wanting more.

    6. 51) The Booth

    Again you have totally placed the moment. We know who both of them are and why they are meeting and the lines “His cock twitched in anticipation. She would do.” The ‘She would do’ is such a powerful sentence that makes it really about basic need and nothing else. No one cares about anyone in this, it’s about cock and cunt (and money) The only thing that didn’t quite work for me is the final 2 lines. Considering the ‘she would do’ he now seems too invested.

    5. 7) The Letter
    Again this one works so well because we are given some context for who the people are. I think I would have called it The Parcel though as leaving the door open so he could bring in a parcel feels more realistic.

    “the new mailman delivers more than just parcels.”

    It is really minor little point but just might have made that final bit more believe and pushed you up the scores.

    4. 56) Anticipation

    What I really like about this is you twisted things so it is from the point of view of the person being seen for the first time rather than the person doing the seeing. That allowed you scope to give us more of a story. This is one that also makes me want to know more, there is whole back story here aching to be told.

    3. 23) Bergamot Summer

    Another one on a bus but very different from the previous one. I love this line ‘Heat acts like glue between his skin and mine’ it is so evocative that it makes it easy to be in the moment. The only bit I stumbled over was the ‘I glance, he catches my stare by surprise’ Are they staring or glancing?

    2. 76) The Funeral

    Opening lines are important and you totally nailed it with this one because it draw me right into the piece. This is really clever piece but I am left full of questions. Who was his mentor, why had he never met the daughter before, I HAVE to know. And whilst that is the strength of this piece it is also oddly it’s weakness because it left me feeling a bit too unsatisfied.

    Mollyx

  23. The Nine

    10. 76) The Funeral
    Intriguing and realistic situation. Captures the surprise of lust nicely.

    9. 96) Be Professional
    I like the attempt to hide his desire, and the way you learn a lot about her by what is hidden. And his drift into fantasy.

    8. 18) Stair Case
    I’m not quite sure why “a big lovely lump” appealed so much, but it did. It tells you something of the narrator-voice’s affectionate view of men, and something about him. Bonus points for “sine waves” of cherstnut. I like new metaphors.

    7. 25) Them. Now
    “Stuck midway in each other’s breath” is good. I also like not being afraid to switch from her perspective to his. And “textbook nervous”. And the pun on “then and now”.

    6. 40) Eyes Up
    Nicely evocative. Maybe it needs one more detail, so we can tell if this is in a bar or a diner. The licked rim of a glass suggests “bar”. The waitress in a low cut top suggests “diner”. But a nice moment of lust.

    5. 4) Arrested
    Points for climaxing with “Breathe”, and not with, say, “pussy wet”. The less obvious details of arousal are often the most telling and the sexiest.

    4. 63) People Watching
    Nice evocative moment before meeting. Did you mean “a” delectable curve of breast? Magpie eyes is good.

    3. 66) Losing myself
    A sexy set-up. The mix of the most intimate contact, and the studied impersonality of the spanker is nicely captured. And her arousal at simply being “next”.

    2. 52) Losing Everything
    That’s a lot of information in so few words. Especially “bad memories”.

    Some others

    2) Naked Epiphany
    A nice moment. There’s a stillness to it that feels right. One minor quibble. I’d have preferred “a man who desired more” to “a man desirous of more”.

    12) A Gift
    I like the way the complexities are subtly indicated, like “the man her wife had chosen for her”.

    20) The Offering
    I like this, including that the men pass, but it’s a woman who stops for the kneeling slut. One minor quibble: could have been better to say, “my shameful wide eyes meet hers”. I first read it that the eyes were the woman who stopped, not the narrator’s, and wondered why they were “shameful”. It only took a second to work it out, but it took me out of the scene for that second.

  24. Due to circumstances I didn’t manage to vote on time. I’m very sorry. However, I did read all the entries and I was asthonished about the – in my opinion – high level of most of the short stories. Some were really a novel or thriller in less than 50 words. I also realized that competition will be very hard for me, not being a native English speaker/writer. However, I’ll do my best!

  25. Writing something of maximum 50 words is not easy, especially not if you there should be erotic elements in it too. I know we all have a different aspect on what is erotic and what not, and for my feedback I chose to see whether the piece made me wonder what would follow next, and where I could, I gave some writing tips.

    Before I share my feedback, I want to ask you not to take any of the feedback too hard! Try to take something positive from it to improve your writing, and not to see it as something negative.

    Marie xox

    My feedback:

    1. Blushing encounter: I don’t only want to know what happens next, but also what happened before this snippet, as the first thing I wondered was why she would allow a stranger to touch her? My mind came up with the setting in a dungeon where consent had been given before. It doesn’t take away that this is a hot scene.

    2. Naked Epiphany: You managed to set a scene of a first meeting in very little words, which drew me in and made me want to know what else he desires. Starting two sentences with the same word can weaken a piece, but it can also make it stronger. In this case the repetition worked very well.

    3. Peep Show: I love the bit of insecurity you have built in here, with her having to look again to see if he really had interest. However, for the last sentence I would have loved to see some kind of interaction between the two of them. Maybe a wink from him?

    4. Arrested: A nice, dramatic piece of writing and the questions with the short staccato answers work very well for me.

    5. Clandestine Meeting: I read this a couple of times and where it’s certainly good writing and I absolutely love the last sentence, there is something missing here. I think it’s because all sentences except for the third one feels like a statement, which makes me feel disconnected from what I read, despite loving the scene that has been painted.

    6. Drawing Room: I am a sucker for a scene in a drawing class, but think this would have been a bit stronger had you not included the words ‘with us’. That more or less took me out of the moment you created with the words ‘sharing with me’.

    7. The Letter: And I wonder if he will deliver even more. Great piece!

    8. Contact: I like how you refer back to the ‘electrical shock’ in the beginning with the ‘jolt’ at the end. Two words you can leave out to make this piece stronger: ‘then’ in ‘it then shimmied down…’ and ‘And’ in ‘And he returned it’.

    9. Cutting Edge: This is chilling and sexy as fuck all at the same time. This is the kind of first meeting none of us will have, that so many fear. Brilliant writing!

    10. Blue Eyes: This is a good piece of writing, but still I miss something in it, something I can’t put my finger on.

    11. Accidental Show: The first question that came to mind was: why did he run out? Then: Who was he? Why wasn’t he supposed to see her like this? Why was this an accident? She obviously didn’t mind him walking in on her, otherwise she wouldn’t have smirked, right? I understand that the 50-word limit makes it difficult to cover all these questions, but for me a bit more should’ve been clarified.

    12. A Gift: Oh yes, this is something I like, the fact that someone else has chosen this meeting to happen. Everything about this works for me. A short piece with a lot of meaning!

    13. Strange Footsteps: Oh my, something that starts out chilling, but is actually an act of kindness. A good use of words to set the scene and make me wonder if she will show him that she has forgiven him. A cup of coffee maybe?

    14. Fresh: This made me think of some out of space scene, maybe because of the use of the word atmosphere, which was strengthened by the ‘hoods’, and then the green eyes. I like this, and would love to see a continuation of it.

    15. Office Crush: The words ‘every morning when she first sees him’ made me re-read this piece, wondering whether it fits the assignment. But I think what you meant here was that this was the first time that he looked and smiled at her, even though she has seen him every morning before?

    16. Kelpie: There is something deep in this piece of writing, and each time I read it, it draws me in deeper. Be careful with the use of sentences without a verb, especially in a short piece like this, as it might confuse your reader too much and make them miss the meaning of your story.

    17. Unforgettable: At first I thought: how could she now what his cock looked like and he what her lips felt like? But then I caught the ‘other’ meaning of it (sometimes I can be slow), were she liked the look of his cock and he liked the feel of her lips, which is how they ‘knew’. Nice play on words!

    18. Stair Case: Except for the eyes catching, a shimmy, a grin, there is little interaction between the two characters? I feel like there might be something missing here.

    19. Reflection: I like the way your title is perfect for the piece of writing. Your words convey their feelings very well.

    20. The Offering: This scene is hot and inviting in more ways than one. I definitely want to know what happens next, how the offering will be accepted and ‘used’.

    21. Horny Helper : I love the longing in this piece, the obvious desire. Be careful with the use of names of celebrities, as not everyone might know who it is or might be good at remembering their names (like me, I had to Google it). I don’t say it’s wrong to use it, but it might make your piece loose some ‘punch’.

    22. The bus: I am not sure whether ‘the driver’ and ‘he’ is the same person? Be careful with jumping from one character to the other, starting the one sentence with ‘she’ the next with ‘he’ and then the next with ‘she’ again. In this piece it would have been better to write all from one perspective, and if ‘the driver’ and ‘he’ is not the same person, it’s better to bring the hard braking into the story in a different way.

    23. Bergamot Summer: ‘summer evaporating from every pore’ and ‘heat acts like glue’ are beautiful metaphors. This is another piece that I like when I read it, but still feel that something is missing.

    24. The Waterfall: Oh yes, this totally works for me! You have managed to make me ‘see’ him under the waterfall, and make me ‘see’ her watching him. Great writing!

    25. Them. Now: You had me at the first sentence. Where in such a short piece it can weaken your piece when you jump from ‘she’ to ‘he’, it works in this piece because you started and ended with ‘they’, which totally makes this work.

    26. Play Me: I like the last sentence, but I think this piece would’ve been stronger if you have structured the first sentence differently, and made it two sentences instead of only one.

    27. Xenophilia: I like the idea of floating somewhere in space and seeing someone alien (it made me think of Avatar).

    28. Oral Affair: It’s a hot scene you have described here, and I’m curious to know more, to see what happens between the two men. Or rather, I think the shadow is a man too, but I might be mistaken…

    29. Succubus: A dark piece of writing… and I do love a vampire story! I’m intrigued to find out more about the feeding time.

    30. Morning Coffee: You have managed to do a lot in very little words: set a scene of a cold morning, give specifics like the sunlight, the bell over the door and her instant attraction to him. Well done!

    31. Blind Date: I could actually ‘see’ him bursting into the pub and using his tie for his glasses, and love the metaphor ‘his warm smile spread over her like a sunrise’.

    32. Night Eyes: I like vampire stories and I feel the attraction between the two, but I think this story would have been stronger writing from only one perspective. Now it reads like two story beginnings.

    33. Scenic Route: I really like this! Every word you have used contributes to the story. Well done!

    34. In Hand: I have read this several times over, and can’t decide whether this fits the assignment or not. Yes, it is about their first meeting, but ‘she’ seems to have more knowledge of what happened after they first shook hands, which means that they are way pass the first meeting?

    35. Eyes Connect: It’s wonderful when two people feel this when their eyes meet for the first time.

    36. Completely Mesmerised: I love that this has been written from the ‘I’ perspective, as an observation of the ‘she’ and then pulling it back to the ‘I’ with the last sentence.

    37. Homecoming: At first I thought the ‘recognition of home’ meant they might both have once lived in the same place, which would have meant this is not a first meeting. But, if you use ‘homecoming’ as a metaphor for feeling ‘at home’ with someone, then this is a wonderful first time seeing each other.

    38. Thunder Road: This is definitely a hot scene!

    39. The Station: This totally fits the assignment and is really beautiful. One thing I would have done is to break this up in two sentences, using a full stop after ‘existed’, to give the reader a longer pause there, to make their vacuum ‘sink in’, before the reader reads on, especially since the pacing is much quicker after that.

    40. Eyes Up: A nice scene. Tip: connect the last two sentences with ‘she straightens’ by using semi-colons instead of separate sentences.

    41. Glance Encounter: The first sentence totally drew me in, and made me look forward to the rest, but somehow the next sentences didn’t have the same strength as the first one. The frequent use of ‘I’ might have been the reason for this. It’s a good piece, but the first sentence made me expect more of it.

    42. Blind fate: You have packed a lot of information in this short piece, and I know it’s heard to write a story in only 50 words, but too many of these short staccato sentences in such a short piece is not my thing. Sorry.

    43. Clasp: I love how at first it seems the meeting is between a man and a woman, only for it to be between the two women. Clever.

    44. First Time: I had to read this a couple of times to understand the scene. The frequent use of ‘I’ took me out of the story.

    45. First Touch: A nice scene where every word supports your story. The only two words that could have been left out are ‘Shirt off.’. Well done.

    46. Tick Tock: You have managed to make the clock stay central in this piece, which is good but I think the piece would have been a bit stronger if you have left out “nervous to look at the clock”. Also, a comma between the last two sentences would be better. That said, I want to know what happens next.

    47. Finger lust: I can feel the anticipation in this piece, and wants to know what happens when Natasha looks up an sees him watching her.

    48. Stranger Danger: I like how the last sentence and the title complete the piece. The words you have used are beautiful, but I am not sure what the scene is exactly. A wedding (white silk dress)?

    49. Internet Meet: You set the scene with the first two sentences, and add suspense with the next two. But, no actual meeting take place? And why the tea pot? Why mention a pink shawl if it has no function further on in your story?

    50. Marriage: I’m unsure if this is a scene of a first time seeing each other or not. The title can imply that they know each other, but it can also be symbolic. However, this is not entirely clear when I read your piece, which I like for its strong words.

    51. The Booth: The way you started each sentence on a new line didn’t work for me.

    52. Losing Everything: I really enjoyed this piece, the storytelling, the details. Only one tip: start either the first or second sentence with an other word than ‘when’.

    53. Membership Perks: The gym setting is great and her doing the powerlift even better. Nice piece of writing.

    54. Her Scent: The use of senses here makes the piece nice to read. The only tip I have is to change “like she could feel me watching her” to something like “sending my gaze/look”.

    55. Room 218: I feel like you could’ve made more of this piece as you had some words left. Also, starting each sentence on a new line weakens your scene. Also, I don’t read anything about the moment they see each other for the first time?

    56. Anticipation: You had me at ‘blood on my skin’. I love a bit of suspense and this piece worked for me! I need to know what happens next!

    57. Wardrobe Malfunction: This made me laugh. But other than that it didn’t feel like there would be a continuance after this first time they saw each other?

    58. Succubus’ Mark: This doesn’t seem like the first time she has seen him? Maybe the first time he saw her?

    59. First look: Okay, you have me curious to know who she is seeing? The repetition of ‘she could feel it in her cunt’ works well in this short piece.

    60. Next: I am sitting here, staring at this piece and not knowing what to say about it. It seems there’s an attempt for humor here (his confidence that she obviously should want his number, the remark about the air-con). I think leaving out the air-con remark and using the words to strengthen this piece would’ve been better. Also: why the ‘oh’ at the end?

    61. One Vision: The piece would have gained some strength had the two paragraphs been put together, and if you have changed the first sentence some, or left it out entirely. I like the vision of the lollipop.

    62. On loan: I like this piece, and then I place a question about him immediately burying his fingers in her. Maybe that should’ve been at the end of this?

    63. People Watching: The writing here is just so flowery that I had to read this over and over again and still I am distracted too much. Sorry.

    64. Bar Fly: I think the friend and ‘he’ is not the same person, but from how the first sentence is know, I can’t know for sure. Maybe you could’ve left out the part about scanning the crowd for her friend, as it now seems that she already knew the ‘he’ she saw.

    65. Perpetual Adversary: You have managed to raise my curiosity to who he is.

    66. Losing myself: Simple and effective.

    67. May I?: I want to know what happens next!

    68. Knee-trembler: I think you had the scene you wanted to write about in your mind, but you have not fully managed to bring it across. This doesn’t seem like the first time they see each other?

    69. Dessert: I like the setting here, but be careful with too many phrases instead of sentences.

    70. Sympatico : A nice scene. Love that last sentence.

    71. Haunting Beauty: This is a bit dark, seeing his form only when frost covers his body. Interesting first meeting.

    72. Kerosene Heat: Somehow I feel that there are too many pronouns in this short piece, too much telling the story, rather than showing what happens.

    73. The Party: I like the scene you set here. Very sexy. I think it would’ve been more striking if you have started the story with ‘Conversations…’

    74. Pleasure, Madame: This piece is a bit confusing, as it’s difficult to keep track of which woman does what, unless you read it a couple of times.

    75. First Glance: A good piece of writing. The only bit I would have left out is ‘canning for her’.

    76).The Funeral: The ‘wrongest’ place for arousal indeed, but this just shows how close life and death are to each other. Nice piece of writing and not a word wasted.

    77. The Gaze: I like this piece up to the last sentence. That feels out of place, not necessary to be said.

    78. Unbuckling: I absolutely love the countdown in this! Nice and original!

    79. One Desire: I love the last sentence, but the lines before that start with he – she – he – she… and that takes me out of your story.

    80. Butterflies: I like the story you have created here, but using the same word (fluttered) twice in such a short piece, makes it weaker.

    81. Ink: The first sentence has no verb. The second starts with then, which is generally something I would avoid. Furthermore I think that they are not really seeing each other, but are watching each other on a webcam or only seeing each other’s photos? This is not clear.

    82. Living Fever: I can’t decide whether a hot scene has preceded this (smoke drifted… moisture steamed) or whether they have both escaped a fire (firetrucks)?

    83. Striking: It feels like you are contradicting yourself with the first and last sentences? He noticed but then he wasn’t interested anymore?

    84. OK, Cupid: Ilike this. The last sentence and your title make this a ‘whole’. Well done.

    85. Startled: A surprise meeting, and a nice one too. I just feel your closing sentence should’ve been stronger. A ‘nice smile’ seems a bit weak.

    86. Tasting Menu: It’s clear that you have given thought to every word here. Love the ‘Tetris pieces’.

    87. Collision: A good story. I just wonder about the word ‘collide’ as it seems a bit… er… painful?

    88. Modern love: I like the story you are telling here, especially as this really is modern love nowadays, but the story could have been stronger, by ‘showing’ your reader what happens instead of telling it.

    89. First Date: I think you could have combined the first two sentences, starting your story with: ‘My breath catch as the door swings open’. That’s a stronger opening.

    90. First light: You have managed to make me curious about who the stranger is. Nice piece of writing.

    91. Bright Eyes: On the first read, I thought this doesn’t fit the assignment (see him at home), but I like how you have twisted this around to fit the assignment. I’m just a bit confused by her ‘walking the other way’? Was she still inside, since he walked out the door? Was the stranger inside or on the street?

    92. The Urge: The fact that each sentence starts with a pronoun makes this sound like you are stating a list of facts. Try to show your reader what you want them to see instead of telling them.

    93. He Knew: This doesn’t fit the assignment as it’s not a first meeting (boyfriend was waiting for me).

    94. Mine: I like this piece, but be careful not to use too much flowery texts in such a short piece. It can be distracting.

    95. Revelation Game: Interesting game! You’ve managed to create a nice scene within the word limit.

    96. Be Professional: I like the scene that you’ve created, but the three sentences start with ‘I’ and this distracts from your story.

    97. Greeting Chantelle: This would’ve been a stronger story if you have written it only from John’s perspective. Now it seems like you have two ‘beginnings’ to the same story.

    98. First Possession: A nice piece of writing, although I think leaving out ‘it was as if a’ and adding the ‘rare-earth magnet’ to the first sentence in some way would have made this piece perfect.

    99. Prey: A nice story beginning, and I want to know how the hunt gets on.

    100. Food Court: Oh yes, I like the bit of fumbling at the end, the way this meeting totally flusters him (or her?). Nice story!

    101. Auction Block: I want her to come back so we can read what happens next!

    102. Medusa: There’s a tinge of darkness here which I really like! A full story in so little words.

  26. My commentary is as scattered as it comes. The greatest weaknesses I saw were cliche and over-adverbing (fortunately there was not too much verbing of nouns).

    10. Blue Eyes: Without the first sentence it would be just about perfect.
    13. Strange Footsteps: Not my favorite, but it was effective writing.
    16. Kelpie: I liked the surreality. Looking forward to more from this writer.
    17. Unforgettable: Punched above its weight with the volume of implied story.
    21. Horny Helper: Removing all the adverbs would have tightened this up.
    22. The bus: I love implied story, but this one left a little _too_ much implied for me.
    25. Them. Now: Liked: “emerald” stuck out as unnecessary.
    28. Oral affair: Word choices, especially some of the adverbs, struck me as odd.
    31. Blind Date: Another that would have been twice as good with no adverbs.
    33. Scenic Route: This tells a bigger story with few words.
    43. Clasp: Presses my buttons. I would read a story of which these were the first sentences.
    52. Losing Everything: I smidge pat, but also clever. Made me smile.
    53. Membership Perks: I liked this a lot, but the jargon terms made me feel like I wasn’t the target audience.
    56. Anticipation: Points for being effectively disturbing, though not erotic for me.
    60. Next: Clever and cute in a good way.
    66. Losing myself: Leading with the passive voice delays momentum.
    72. Kerosene Heat: Excellent scene setting.
    76. The Funeral: I liked the discomfort of the scene. Very real.
    86. Tasting Menu: I liked the writing and the scene, but the title made it a favorite.

  27. I really enjoyed reading the entries, time slipped by, as it always seems to do, and I have missed the voting, but here is my feedback.

    10- Blue eyes: I found this gentle yet evocative.
    24- The Waterfall: Just enough description to have me desperate for more.
    39- The Station: I loved the simplicity of the structure. It made the skin prickle on the back of my neck.

    8- Contact: I couldn’t get my brain around the second sentence. It didn’t read well for me, and left me feeling confused.
    16- Kelpie: Felt like it had been cut down to size, to fit the brief, but with important words missed out.
    92- The Urge: I thought the plot was hot as hell, but found the short sentences to be more like a bullet point list than a flowing story.

  28. First, I apologize for not having enough time to leave feedback. That will change with future rounds.
    60) Hilarious. I loved this, it was unique and funny as well as naughty.
    66) Damn that’s hot.
    4) Brilliant way to use those 50 words. A whole character arc and everything! Well done.

  29. Congrats to all the participants – I thought in many ways this was harder than last year’s metaphor-based first round. My feedback is organized so that the nine stories I gave my votes to come first, and then feedback on the remaining stories follows.

    Charlie x

    18) Stair Case (10)
    What I thought worked: This made my shortlist when I first read it, but gradually crept to the top because, of all the stories in this round, these were the characters who stayed in my head for several days after my first reading. Plus, you’ve crammed a lot of physical description into a very limited word count, and you haven’t been afraid to use traditionally negative words like ‘lump.’ Great work!
    What I thought worked less well: I didn’t really buy that she would shimmy!

    24) The Waterfall (9)
    What I thought worked: With this story, it wasn’t the characters that stayed in my head, so much as the action – ‘absently fondling his cock’ really stood out for me, and made the scene really vivid.
    What I thought worked less well: When most of your description is so strong, it feels like ‘pleasure on her face’ is a bit of a cop out – perhaps you could have described this with more specifics?

    31) Blind Date (8)
    What I thought worked: Great amount of physical description in a very limited word count – I could just see him scrubbing his glasses with his tie – it gave me a really good sense of his character.
    What I thought worked less well: Watch out for clichéd language like ‘spread over her like a sunrise creeping in.

    86) Tasting Menu (7)
    What I thought worked: The description in the sex scene here, especially the Tetris pieces, was super hot and I had a good sense of the shy, tall, loose-limbed man.
    What I thought worked less well: You described Emma and Steve in less detail, so I’m not able to envisage them in the same way – just a couple of adjectives would have been helpful here.

    6) Drawing Room (6)
What I thought worked: It’s hard to find fault with anything about the way this is written – the descriptions are good, the situation is believable, the language is nice.
    What I thought worked less well: I didn’t quite understand what the narrator was talking about when he said ‘With us’ – presumably it’s a life-drawing class with other participants, but this could be clearer.

    7) The Letter (5)
    What I thought worked: This one hits a lot of my personal kinks – and let’s face it, in erotica, whether something turns you on is one of the most important aspects, and this certainly did.
    What I thought worked less well: I wasn’t sure if they were really seeing each other for the first time – the present tense of ‘delivers’ suggests that this is a regular/repeated occurrence.

    52) Losing Everything (4)
    What I thought worked: This is very sexy and, as with most of the stories in my top nine, one of the things that makes it stand out from the other stories in this round is that you’ve described the characters in detail (what they’re wearing etc.), so the reader can easily picture them and the story doesn’t feel generic.
    What I thought worked less well: A minor quibble, but it would be good to get a sense of what Eliza noticed about Molly, too.

    10) Blue Eyes (3)
    What I thought worked: I liked, in this order: the simplicity of your writing, the realism of the situation, the fact that the female character has lots of agency, and the fact that your male character sounded sexy to me.
    What I thought worked less well: Why would his smile look different in the morning?!

    67) May I? (2)
    What I thought worked: Very controlled but specific descriptions – I like that you got to the level of detail where we even know what make up your female character is wearing. Also, I warmed to her cynicism!
    What I thought worked less well: The prose is so tight and staccato here, it does make the piece feel a little devoid of feeling/emotion. Great if that’s what you’re going for, but maybe something to watch out for in future rounds.

    1) Blushing encounter
    What I thought worked: ‘narrowed’ gives the sense of zooming in on the action here, a bit like a film – the reader moves with the character and it’s effective.
    What I thought worked less well: ‘devilish twinkle’ felt a little clichéd, and I had a slight plausibility issue with most of the stories where the first time the characters saw each other was while fucking.

    2) Naked Epiphany
    What I thought worked: the description of her wet cunt, which gives a multi-sensory feel to the piece
    What I thought worked less well: ‘His eyes remained on hers.’ How would she know they remained on hers if this is the first time she’s seen him?

    3) Peep Show
    What I thought worked: The setting. Many of the stories made no mention of where they took place – I like that you included this.
    What I thought worked less well: I wanted some description of the characters – what she noticed about him. More specificity, please!

    4) Arrested
    What I thought worked: Clever title, nice staccato feel to many of the sentences.
    What I thought worked less well: The first sentence was a bit wordy and didn’t really draw me in, sorry.

    5) Clandestine Meeting
    What I thought worked: I really liked ‘Erect and wet, hastily they fuck.’
    What I thought worked less well: How are they already lovers if this is the first time they’ve seen each other?

    8) Contact
    What I thought worked: The first sentence is really nice – I like the realism.
    What I thought worked less well: I just didn’t find this one very erotic, sorry!

    9) Cutting Edge
    What I thought worked: This really stands out for combining erotica and horror – good work! Very nearly made my top 9.
    What I thought worked less well: From the brief I understood that the characters were supposed to see each other, but this is mostly, if not all, about him seeing her.

    11) Accidental Show
    What I thought worked: The different setting – I liked the bathroom and it seemed plausible that two characters would meet for the first time there by accident.
    What I thought worked less well: I didn’t really understand the sequence of events, e.g. ‘He wandered into the bathroom when he saw her.’

    12) A Gift
    What I thought worked: The fact that Alice’s wife had chosen this stranger made it more plausible that Alice would be fucking him without ever having seen him.
    What I thought worked less well: The blindfold + stranger scenario felt very familiar to the point of almost being clichéd.

    13) Strange Footsteps
    What I thought worked: A great attempt at combining horror with erotica.
    What I thought worked less well: You didn’t have enough words available to make this scenario sexy, in my opinion. It just felt scary.

    14) Fresh
    What I thought worked: The attention to colours is nice.
    What I thought worked less well: The passive, e.g. ‘Faces around him were replaced,’ makes this feel factual, detracting from any sexiness.

    15) Office Crush
    What I thought worked: You took a risk here with the concept of ‘first sees him’ and I thought that was brave.
    What I thought worked less well: Unfortunately, on this occasion, I don’t think your bravery paid off. I think it stretches the brief a bit too far – sorry!

    16) Kelpie
    What I thought worked: ‘nipples bob’ is lovely, as are ‘freakshow medusas’.
    What I thought worked less well: There’s lots of description and poetic language in this. For me, it was a bit too much, though – I felt overwhelmed.

    17) Unforgettable
    What I thought worked: I could picture this interaction – it seemed realistic.
    What I thought worked less well: How was she able to pick someone out by his cock if she’d never seen him before? This confused me – sorry.

    19) Reflection
    What I thought worked: ‘keen blue eyes’ is nice – simple but effective
    What I thought worked less well: some of the language feels a bit clichéd, I’m afraid.

    20) The Offering
    What I thought worked: The twist. I wasn’t expecting a woman amongst all those men! Also ‘recalcitrant.’ Almost made my top 9!
    What I thought worked less well: I couldn’t exactly say why, but bits of this still felt a bit ‘clichéd erotic scene.’ I think it was maybe ‘I kneel, naked and obedient, eyes to the floor.’

    21) Horny Helper
    What I thought worked: ‘Idris Elba clone’ – how could it not?!
    What I thought worked less well: As with the story above, bits of this felt a bit ‘clichéd erotic scene’ – sorry!

    22) The bus
    What I thought worked: The sheer stripped-backness of it. I like this kind of writing!
    What I thought worked less well: It maybe needed just one of two adjectives to make it more specific – how did he smell, for example?

    23) Bergamot Summer
What I thought worked: Great specificity – I like that we know how he smells, not just that he smells nice. 
What I thought worked less well: The ending felt weaker, and more predictable than the rest of the piece.

    25) Them. Now
    What I thought worked: The remote control simile felt nice and original.
    What I thought worked less well: That originality got lost towards the end, with ‘palms sweaty’ and ‘felt drugged.’

    26) Play Me
    What I thought worked: Nice simile at the end!
    What I thought worked less well: If she winks at him because she winks at all the men who eye her, why does he think he’ll experience her touching him?

    27) Xenophilia
    What I thought worked: Great title, great combining of sci-fi and erotica
    What I thought worked less well: I wasn’t sure you could look past your own reflection in a reflective visor to see the other person’s eyes?

    28) Oral Affair
    What I thought worked: Great way of combining actual sex in the scene with the two people seeing each other for the first time aspect of the brief.
    What I thought worked less well: It’s just a touch overwritten, in my opinion – it would be more powerful if you lost a couple of the adjectives.

    29) Succubus
    What I thought worked: As with a couple of the other stories, good work combining genres. Also, I love the sinisterness of ‘Feeding time.’
    What I thought worked less well: It’s a little overwritten, in my opinion – it would be more powerful if you lost a couple of the adjectives.

    30) Morning Coffee
    What I thought worked: The detail of the gauzy scarf – I can really picture this character.
    What I thought worked less well: She seems to be expecting him and I couldn’t reconcile that with the fact they weren’t supposed to have seen each other before.

    32) Night Eyes
    What I thought worked: ‘chest banging inside her like no lover had’ – it’s kinda risky, but it kinda works
    What I thought worked less well: The switch between their viewpoints felt a little abrupt to me.

    33) Scenic Route
    What I thought worked: ‘the timeline of their postal adventures’ – clarifies succinctly and sexily how they know each other but still have never seen each other
    What I thought worked less well: Despite the above, I still couldn’t quite reconcile the promise of imminent sex in this with the fact this was their first proper meeting.

    34) In Hand
    What I thought worked: ‘painting stripes of fire’ – love the multi-sensory-ness of this phrase
    What I thought worked less well: This felt very much about her, and less about him, so I wondered if it slightly missed the ‘saw each other’ part of the brief.

    35) Eyes Connect
What I thought worked: This is undeniably very romantic, which makes it stand out from some of the pure attraction focused pieces.
    What I thought worked less well: I felt the language was a bit clichéd, sorry.

    36) Completely Mesmerised
    What I thought worked: I liked the use of the first person – you were one of few people to do this and it’s really effective.
    What I thought worked less well: The scenario itself seemed a little cliché to me, I’m afraid.

    37) Homecoming
    What I thought worked: The smell of diesel fuel – I found this super sexy!
    What I thought worked less well: This was very much about his body – his physicality felt more important than him as a person.

    38) Thunder Road

    What I thought worked: Despite this being a familiar situation to readers, almost all of it is simply and very sexily written.
    What I thought worked less well: It lost its impact a bit for me when it became more poetic and abstract – I didn’t think ‘desperate to escape into one another and be freed’ added much.

    39) The Station
    What I thought worked: The way you painted everything else fading into the background when they saw each other – I’ve been there!
    What I thought worked less well: I didn’t get much sense of what the characters were like, I’m afraid.

    40) Eyes Up
    What I thought worked: ‘I can taste her cinnamon skin oil’ is great at bringing both scent and taste in here.
    What I thought worked less well: ‘Grins with one side of her mouth,’ just sounded a bit odd, rather than sexy, I’m afraid.

    41) Glance Encounter
    What I thought worked: I like that the character is interested in the other character’s thoughts, not just their appearance.
What I thought worked less well: I struggled to understand some of what was happening – where did the coffee cup lid go?!

    42) Blind fate
    What I thought worked: I don’t think it’ll work for everyone, but I found the idea of what might happen with the grubby man intriguing.
    What I thought worked less well: The staccato structure is mostly effective, but can be confusing in a few places, meaning I had to read this several times to fully get it.

    43) Clasp
    What I thought worked: Lovely set up – has the potential to be very sexy!
    What I thought worked less well: Although the sexy potential is definitely there, from thIs snippet alone, it felt more thriller-like than erotic.

    44) First Time
    What I thought worked: Good job at making it multisensory by including smell as well as sight.
    What I thought worked less well: I’m confused by the situation, I’m afraid – I think the limited word count here hasn’t given you enough space to make it clear.

    45) First Touch
    What I thought worked: Nice mix of long and short sentences to vary the pace.
    What I thought worked less well: As I’ve said with some of the other stories, where sex and first seeing each other occur at the same time, it makes me struggle a bit with the plausibility.

    46) Tick Tock
    What I thought worked: I liked ‘The vision burned to the mind’s eye forever.’
    What I thought worked less well: I didn’t get the joke about the rose, sorry!

    47) Finger lust
What I thought worked: I really liked how much detail you crammed into a short piece – it almost made my shortlist for that reason. Great title, too!
    What I thought worked less well: As with some of the others, I felt this was more about him seeing her than them seeing each other, so I wasn’t sure it 100% fitted the brief.

    48) Stranger Danger
    What I thought worked: Good job at making it multisensory by including smell as well as sight.
    What I thought worked less well: The rhyme at the end took away from any potential eroticism – sorry!

    49) Internet Meet
    What I thought worked: I wasn’t sure I understood the final line, but it certainly intrigued me.
    What I thought worked less well: It’s not clear that the two characters see each other here.

    50) Marriage
    What I thought worked: ‘their bodies united in disgust and lust’ is a lovely phrase
    What I thought worked less well: I loved the action and the writing, but wasn’t really sure what was happening – sorry!

    51) The Booth
    What I thought worked: Nice original take on the prompt!
    What I thought worked less well: I wasn’t sure how erotic I found this, I’m afraid.

    53) Membership Perks
    What I thought worked: The gym was a nice, original setting that no one else has used, I don’t think. And I like the female strength implicit in the ending.
    What I thought worked less well: I’m not sure where the ending would allow you to go to develop the eroticism here.

    54) Her Scent
    What I thought worked: Nice focus on scent, taste and sight
    What I thought worked less well: I couldn’t work out where this scene was actually taking place?

    55) Room 218
    What I thought worked: I like the simplicity of your prose.
    What I thought worked less well: I don’t think this actually fits the prompt, because it’s just the anticipation of when the characters will see each other, not the moment it happens

    56) Anticipation
    What I thought worked: This is very well written – if it was more my thing, it would certainly have made my shortlist.
    What I thought worked less well: I’m not sure how much ‘stunned but fearless’ adds here.

    57) Wardrobe Malfunction
    What I thought worked: It’s a fun situation in which to have two characters see each other for the first time.
    What I thought worked less well: ‘His friendly eyes were grinning cheekily’ – I don’t think you need both ‘friendly’ and ‘cheekily’ here.

    58) Succubus’ Mark
    What I thought worked: ‘Passing each other, they exchange nods and slight smiles’ – this seemed very plausible!
    What I thought worked less well: Watch out for typos like ‘she makes her face reads nonchalance.’

    59) First look
    What I thought worked: ‘I really like the repetition of ‘she could feel it in her cunt’ – very effective! This one almost made my shortlist.
    What I thought worked less well: I didn’t think you needed both ‘first look’ and ‘first glance’.

    60) Next
    What I thought worked: A clever way of letting us know what the male character looks like.
    What I thought worked less well: The ending cancels out any potential eroticism, I’m afraid.

    61) One Vision
    What I thought worked: Good use of sound as well as sight.
    What I thought worked less well: Again, as with some of the other stories, I struggle with the plausibility of stories where the sex and first seeing each other seem to occur so close together.

    62) On loan
    What I thought worked: I found the idea of the ‘Grope me’ sign very sexy. Groping is underrated!
    What I thought worked less well: Again, as with some of the other stories, I struggle with the plausibility of stories where, in this case, kinky stuff and first seeing each other seem to occur so close together.

    63) People Watching
    What I thought worked: The contrast between the simplicity of the scene setting sentence and the richer language of the rest.
    What I thought worked less well: I thought this piece had maybe too much description – it ended up becoming a little overwhelming.

    64) Bar Fly
    What I thought worked: Very plausible and familiar set up – easy for the reader to orient themselves.
    What I thought worked less well: Watch out for clichés like ‘He drank in her curves’ – they lessen the impact of your piece.

    65) Perpetual Adversary
    What I thought worked: ‘There’s hair-pulling, biting, licking on her mind as she takes him in’ is lovely – good way of making the piece sexy without relying on actual sex.
    What I thought worked less well: I thought ‘But of course, he is’ should probably be ‘But of course, it is.’ Also, I wondered if you were stretching the brief a bit far.

    66) Losing myself
    What I thought worked: Having the male character spanking someone else is a very clever way of having sexy times in the piece without the implausibility of it being between two characters who are seeing each other for the first time.
    What I thought worked less well: The characters were all quite loosely sketched – a bit more description of them would have been nice.

    68) Knee-trembler
    What I thought worked: Great to see a historical piece – it really stands out when most of the other stories are contemporary.
    What I thought worked less well: I thought this piece was probably stretching the meaning of ‘seeing each other for the first time’ a bit far – it’s clever, but I think a bit too risky.

    69) Dessert
    What I thought worked: I liked that you had (an) older character(s) and understood that age is no barrier to writing a sexy piece.
    What I thought worked less well: I couldn’t quite tell where they were or what was happening at all times, I’m afraid.

    70) Sympatico
    What I thought worked: Dance is almost always sexy, so a good choice of story setting!
    What I thought worked less well: I thought you were maybe using a touch too much description – it made me feel quite distant from the characters.

    71) Haunting Beauty
    What I thought worked: I love, love, love the first two sentences.
    What I thought worked less well: I wondered if you were stretching the brief a bit far – sorry.

    72) Kerosene Heat
    What I thought worked: The powerfulness of the simplicity of the opening couple of sentences, combined with the fact it’s your female character taking control.
    What I thought worked less well: It lost something for me as the language became overly descriptive towards the end – I’d have preferred you to stick with the simpler language.

    73) The Party
    What I thought worked: The multi-sensory nature of your descriptions
    What I thought worked less well: I’m afraid the scenario felt a little clichéd to me – there wasn’t much that made it stand out from the other stories.

    74) Pleasure, Madame
    What I thought worked: ‘The sipping of the wine and looking at the mouth – very true to life!
    What I thought worked less well: I wondered how this piece might have worked in the first person – I think it might have helped me *feel* more for the characters here.

    75) First Glance
    What I thought worked: That it’s the guy’s heart racing – I love that he seems to be the one with less power here!
    What I thought worked less well: If they’re already gazing at each other, I’d say their eyes are already locked.

    76) The Funeral
    What I thought worked: GREAT choice of scenario/setting!
    What I thought worked less well: I found that after ‘This was the wrong place for arousal,’ your language seemed a bit formal and stiff (heh, sorry!), and it spoilt it a bit for me.

    77) The Gaze
    What I thought worked: Again, I like that it’s the woman in this scene who seems to have a bit more power – it’s refreshing.
    What I thought worked less well: Could we maybe have a bit more description of these characters – they’re a little generic at the moment?

    78) Unbuckling
    What I thought worked: ‘The countdown structure is very effective.
    What I thought worked less well: I’m afraid I struggled with the plausibility of stories that suggested characters would fuck shortly after seeing each other for the first time.

    79) One Desire
    What I thought worked: Despite the limited word count, there’s some physical description of the characters, which is great.
    What I thought worked less well: Perhaps you could have made the characters/setting stand out a bit more by doing something a little more unusual with them?

    80) Butterflies
    What I thought worked: ‘His irises fluttered like butterfly wings’ is lovely.
    What I thought worked less well: I wasn’t sure quite what you meant by ‘natural and unnatural’ but perhaps that’s because I’m no familiar with Goethe!

    81) Ink
    What I thought worked: This is a really clever idea – seeing someone’s photo for the first time allows you to combine sexy times with first sight effectively. Almost made my shortlist!
    What I thought worked less well: Starting with ‘His hand in her filthy mouth before she licks his shoulder,’ threw me a bit. It would have helped me to have the photo bit made explicit (heh) upfront, before moving on to her fantasies.

    82) Living Fever
    What I thought worked: The unusual situation in which the characters met and your attention to details.
    What I thought worked less well: I wasn’t sure how much your female character was feeling the same way, I’m afraid!

    83) Striking
    What I thought worked: ‘Despite the limited word count, there’s some physical description of the characters, which is great.
    What I thought worked less well: ‘But sitting with his friends, my longing stare went unnoticed’ – my understanding of the brief was that the characters were supposed to see each other, but I’m not convinced he’s noticed her.

    84) OK, Cupid
    What I thought worked: I liked the link between the ending and the clever title!
    What I thought worked less well: I felt a little distanced from the characters – perhaps you could make your description a little more specific, e.g. ‘His favorite iguana shirt.’

    85) Startled
    What I thought worked: You’ve exploited what feels like quite a rom-com ‘meet cute’ moment very effectively here.
    What I thought worked less well: A bit more physical description of what these characters look like would be nice

    87) Collision
    What I thought worked: ‘You touch my face, slick with sweat,’ – I felt like I was in the club with them
    What I thought worked less well: I thought ‘our lips collide’ was maybe a bit of a clichéd turn of phrase.

    88) Modern love
    What I thought worked: I found her nervousness very plausible.
    What I thought worked less well: I thought this needed more specifics, I’m afraid – they shared a look of lust and excitement’ is quite generic.

    89) First Date
    What I thought worked: The fact that, although the narrator seems to be the one with the upper hand, she’s also clearly nervous. I liked that.
    What I thought worked less well: In what way is he gorgeous? Give the reader the details they want!

    90) First light
    What I thought worked: I liked that your description is very multi-sensory.
    What I thought worked less well: Everything felt a little generic – could you perhaps be more specific with the details?

    91) Bright Eyes
    What I thought worked: The fact that it looks like you’ve misread the brief and then there’s a twist at the end – very clever!
    What I thought worked less well: I couldn’t quite work out the dynamic between the two characters who’d had sex, and that bugged me.

    92) The Urge
    What I thought worked: This has got a good level of description – not too little, not too much. Good work!
    What I thought worked less well: I’m not convinced they’ve seen her – and for me that’s a key part of the brief.

    93) He Knew
    What I thought worked: I liked the simplicity of your prose – it kept the whole thing nice and pacy.
    What I thought worked less well: I’m afraid I think this misses the brief – they’re not seeing each other for the first time?

    94) Mine
    What I thought worked: I liked ‘One word pounding between us like a battle drum.’
    What I thought worked less well: Careful not to use too much metaphorical language – it can be overwhelming in such a short piece.

    95) Revelation Game
    What I thought worked: The opening, ‘Wrestling in the pitch black,’ sets the scene very well.
    What I thought worked less well: As I’ve said with some of the other stories, where sex and first seeing each other occur at the same time, it makes me struggle a bit with the plausibility.

    96) Be Professional
    What I thought worked: I like that your female character isn’t ‘traditionally beautiful.’
    What I thought worked less well: Is he really being professional? I’m not so sure I buy that, and, as a result, I’m not sure I warm to him as a character, I’m afraid – he seems a bit sleazy to me.

    97) Greeting Chantelle
    What I thought worked: I liked that the prose is nice and simple – no sense of this being overwritten at all.
    What I thought worked less well: If she already has wine, why does he order two drinks?

    98) First Possession
    What I thought worked: I liked the description ‘his fingers press into the supple flesh of her waist.’
    What I thought worked less well: I wasn’t always exactly sure where they were or what was happening, I’m afraid.

    99) Prey
    What I thought worked: I liked all the animal language – very sexy!
    What I thought worked less well: Could we have a bit more description of what these characters look like, perhaps?

    100) Food Court
    What I thought worked: Effective prose – this was very easy to read and I could picture your narrator in my head.
    What I thought worked less well: I wasn’t sure how erotic this was – your narrator just seems a bit awkward to me?

    101) Auction Block
    What I thought worked: The inversion of the usual ‘slave girl’ auction scenario – I found it refreshing that it was him being sold, not her.
    What I thought worked less well: Can someone ‘give an amused breath’?

    102) Medusa
    What I thought worked: I thought this was a clever set up – that the reason they haven’t seen each other is because, it seems to me, one of them would prefer to fuck in the dark
    What I thought worked less well: I didn’t think, if she is supposed to be Medusa, that this came through strongly enough in the story, I’m afraid.

  30. Just adding a piece of feedback on No.18

    18) Stair Case

    A tight turn of landing at the top of the flats, eyes catch in passing, a shimmy, a grin. He’s a big lovely lump, all shocked hair and glasses, she’s sine waves of chestnut, and freckled cream skin.

    “A tight turn of landing at the top of the flats” Absolutely no one in America understands this opening line.

    It is worth being aware of American and Brit words because it can make a huge difference to what a story means or whether it is even understood

    Mollyx

    1. I agree. I am from the US and have travelled the world and honestly- I still don’t really know what either of these sentences is saying! It really is amazing how different the “same” language is when it comes to English! 😎

        1. Definitely can yes. As I said it is something to keep in mind rather than a rule to stick too.

          And also I should not have said ‘absolutely no one’ but lots of American’s won’t understand it.

          Mollyx

    2. I disagree. I am an American, and I know what a flat is. In fact in some cities that term is used. I lived in Chicago and a three-story apartment building was called a three flat or a three flat walk-up. But I get your point as to the differences in word usage and how that might affect a story. But that’s life, we can only write our stories our way.

      1. Indeed you can, as I said, it is something to keep in mind. And yes some American’s will know it but from asking around it seems most don’t.

        Mollyx

        1. I know a flat is an apartment but I thought it was an error and was meant to say stairs or stairwell rather than flats. I had considered flat, singular, but then didn’t understand why there would be stairs at the top of the apartment. Now I know.

          That being said, I did like the idea of the story and the description of the characters.

  31. I was so impressed with everyone’s first entries, even more so with the variety of pieces spawned from the same assignment. I enjoyed the pieces that brought us in with our various senses. Not just the first sight of each other, but the scents, the sounds, the desires that were stirred. Something I didn’t enjoy about several posts were that they seemed to miss the moment of the characters seeing each other, focusing instead on their actions after meeting. Things can be erotic without being overtly sexy.
    Several posts I enjoyed were #’s 23,54, 56, 57, 101
    Some that did not catch me this time were #’s 5, 38, 55, 81
    #50 I like very much because it allowed two people to be turned on by each other while simultaneously repulsed. I couldn’t tell if they were repulsed by each other or the situation of having to marry, but still wonder what the future will bring.

  32. As I started out to finalise my choice for a top 3, I needed some kind of criteria apart from those set by the assignment itself. As it’s about meeting for the first time, I decided there should be a promise in the story. It’s what I tried in my own entry Finger Lust (47). By the way, with hindsight, I think I did not quite succeed.
    In Hand (34) was the first that had to go. The first meeting in this story is actually a flashback, so the feeling of a promise isn’t there. Although of course, it was clever of the writer to construct it this way. I really loved the descriptive style of Stair Case (18). The choice of words ‘big lovely lump’ and especially ‘sine waves of chestnut”‘ are just beautiful in how they conjure up an image. There’s a hint of a promise through the words ‘a shimmy, a grin”‘. Bergamot Summer (23) also has a very nice descriptive style. ‘Summer was evaporating from every pore of my body’ and ‘Heat acts like glue between his skin and mine’ are great sentences. The eye contact and the smile at the end but especially this ‘glue of heat’ clearly promises something exciting for the future. What I liked in Losing Everything (52) and First Date (89) was the humour. in the former the losing is first meant mentally (self control, memories) and it’s a romantic description. But in the more prosaic punchline, Molly loses her panties too. It made me laugh which I think is a gift for a writer to be able to do. First Date also has a great punchline. It made me laugh even harder. The picture it paints of this first meeting is quite hilarious. So, which stories ended up in my top 3? Well, of course, one of them shamelessly needed to be my own. I chose Bergamot Summer over Stair Case because of that ‘glue of heat’. And First Date made me laugh louder than Losing Everything.

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